(Closed) This is awful…what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4346 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would want to know, so I would tell her. It would be better coming from her Fiance, but he has had plenty of time to tell her.

Post # 18
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Uhhhh, this is a very tricky thing to navigate, personally you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  You don’t say anything, they get married, he does it again and when she’s a twitching stain of emotional mess, you feel horribly guilty…you do tell her, rip her dream man off the pedestal he doesn’t deserve and simultaneously ruin a friendship at the same time….sooo, I have no input either way, since there is no winning, on varying degrees of loss…pick the option that sucks less.

Post # 19
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

TELL HER! Who cares if it’s not “your business”. No one told me and I walked around with some dumb face on all the time while everyone was either laughing at me or feeling sorry for me, not to mention he could give her something! (If he’s making out with one girl chances are he’s doing more with someone else).  You have to do it gracefully thou, I wouldn’t have believed someone who just randomly called me up, set up a lunch date or something with her and don’t tell anyone else who is a mutal friend because it will look like you are all “in on it” together. If it was just flirting I’d say keep your mouth shut but seeing as how it was more she deserves to know.

Post # 20
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Speaking from experience, I would not directly tell her, but because I have a big mouth, I would drop hints that I know when I’m around her Fiance and guilt/scare him into telling her.

DH has a work associate who is actively involved in a long-term affair. We have plans with him and his wife every few months, and I make it so awkward and uncomfortable for him because I like to see him squirm 🙂

 

Post # 21
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If it were me, I would probably aproach the guy and tell him that I know about it and how I feel about it and how difficult it is for me not to tell the girl… and take it from there.

Post # 22
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

kissing would not be a dealbreaker in my book and if someone told me, I’d be pissed off with the person who felt it was their job to inform me… sometimes you don’t know what goes on for the other party- so stay out of it.

Post # 23
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t say anything. He could deny it (even though he is in the wrong) but she may be more willing to believe him because she doesn’t want to believe it’s true. There are plenty of girls I know that go back with the guy even after they know he has cheated (worse than kissing too!) and just want to think he is a changed man and will not do it again. I would leave it alone or you and your Fiance may be the one’s that get broken up with.

Post # 24
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Stay out of it, it’s not your place, and honestly even if you say something this girl may not believe you.

It was a one time occurence, that affects you and your Fiance in no way shape or form. I realize you like this girl and all that, but it genuinely isn’t your place, especially since you would be saying something off second hand knowledge.

 

 

Post # 25
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@MrsFarm0619:  The only problem with that, is the OP is going off secondhand knowledge herself. It ruins her credibility if she does try to tell the girl. 

Post # 26
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

She deserves to know…what about an anonymous email?  And if he’s making out with a girl at a bar in front of a bunch of friends, he’s probably capable of doing more than that when no friends are around.

Post # 27
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@abirdword:  Not that this is a credible source by any means because the show is completly ridculous but does anyone remember how the anonymous letter worked out for the girls on the show Jersey Shore? They tried to tell Sammi that Ron was cheating and Sammi was mad at the girls and not Ron.

 

Just saying…

Post # 28
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wouldnt you want her to tell you if she found out that your fiance did something like this?

Post # 29
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sounds like too much alchohol to me and poor judgement on the his friend part to put himself in a position of kissing another woman. I dont think the friend should say anything to the bride but I do think the friend should at least speak to his friend at his behavior.

Post # 30
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

She does deserve to know, but it isn’t your job to tell her, it’s her fiance’s. It’s a terrible, horrible situation, but it’s a private matter and needs to be left to the couple. If you tell her, you have the best intentions possible, but a) you heard it from someone other than the fiance and b) you may end up causing a riff between the two of you AND your fiance and hers.

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