This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice. *Part II*

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just wanted to pop in and say that while I’m not CBC, I really enjoy reading your insights and the CBC discussion. I think that everyone should put as much thought into their decision about having kids. And if you end up having them- great! And if you decide to be CBC- great! I wanted to make sure to let you know that I think that it’s awesome that so many men/women/couples are putting more thought into this huge choice, rather than ‘doing what they’re just supposed to do next.’ 

Post # 7
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

LaughingJust putting a place mark so I can quietly lurk and find this later

Post # 13
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The selfish thing makes no sense to me either. I find that it comes mostly (although not always!) from parents who are shocked–SHOCKED–that kids cost money and see their paying for their kids as some kind of sacrifice. It’s a sort of logic that sounds like this: if your own disposable income is used for anything other than a child’s soccer camp or their college fund or pediatric dentistry or whatever else other child-incurred expense–if it’s being used for YOU, essentially, well, that must be selfish. Or, that because you don’t need to save up $200+K for a child’s education, you don’t understand “true responsibilities,” so that also must make you selfish and spoiled. 

Aside from the fact that people should be able to choose whatever they damn well please when it comes to their own money and their own reproduction, the alternative underlying the assumption that “CBC = selfish” is that one is some sort of martyr or because they’re paying for the needs of their own kids–and that seems more “selfish” to me because it’s so preoccupied with what parents give up and can’t have. 

I mean, I’m pregnant now (and although I’ve had people chuckle and tell me I don’t know what I’m saying because I don’t know the demands of parenthood yet), and I’m pretty sure that Darling Husband and I are going to be “those” parents–the ones who take vacations apart from their children, the ones who drop their kids off at sleep-away camp and say “sayonara!,” the ones who skip 90% of their kids school functions…because WE were both raised that way (although yeah, I haven’t had the kid yet, so who knows? I might get all drooly in the end). So you can call ME selfish before you call someone who is CBC selfish. 

 

Post # 15
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I read many of the posts on the other thread…and now this one. I will honestly say that I am on the fence. At first I didn’t want any children, like ever, for all the reasons you posted. I really and truly think I could be happy with just my Fiance. Furthermore, I at many times have thought that many people have children because they think “that is what you do after marriage.” I also think many are excited about the phase under 2 years old…and the phase after 12 years old…but the in between is something they are not prepared for. Lastly, I think that the “golden years” are shifting. It used to be all about your 20s. You look back on your 20s as that carefree time you had to be young, have fun and grow up. I see it spilling into your 30s now. 30 somethings are younger than ever. Many women are just getting started with their careers and are very active, healthy and pretty much look and have the bodies of 25 year olds.

Lately, there are a few cons I see to not having children (and I would never have a child to just avoid these cons, of course!)

First – I think that most of my friends WILL have children and they will go down a different life path. I can see life becoming a tad lonely without friends to wine and dine with (or in a limited capacity). I honestly don’t have many close friends that believe in not having kids. And I just think we will be worlds apart. I love my Fiance to death but we also have a ton of friends and separate interests and lives with our friends as well…so that would suck.

Second- as horrifying as it is for me to think about, both sets of parents will leave the world one day and I just cant imagine surviving that grief without a “family.” I am sure friends, cousins, extended family could fill in that gap…but I really see how much my parents were able to get past the passing of their parents because they had children to care for and love, and those children loved them so much back. That “we are a family unit” thing probably (not 100% sure) helped each parent more than either could have alone supporting each other.

Again, neither of those cons are remotely enough to “scare me” into having kids. My fiance does really want them though. I am not totally opposed, but I am not totally excited. I guess I am just seeing if some kind of hormone kicks in, in the next few years, that really makes me want them (I am in my late 20s). I never wanted to get married before…I was always wanting to be boyfriend/girlfriend and thought it was a stupid piece of paper. A few years later, I just changed and became really excited about marriage and being a wife (but I still support anyone that DOES think it is JUST a piece of paper πŸ™‚

Anyway, that is just my two cents πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am another Child free individual. Took me a while to get to this point after years of self reflection.

 

I think it is healthy to have discussion around this- so many women accept childraising as the ‘done thing’ and never question it.

I don’t hate children, I like most of them very much! Do I want one 24/7? Nup. 

Is this selfish? No- it is the opposite. 

My husband and I have a great life. We cannot see that it would be improved with a child. 

 

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