- Ms. Flowers
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
This is Part II to this thread: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/this-is-for-anyone-that-is-considering-becoming-childfree-by-choice?replies=499
This is my original post on Part I:
Considering that the hive was what started this in the beginning, I feel like it’s only right to share my experience in case if it may help anyone else that is on the fence.
It all started when I saw the “Anyone childfree by choice?” thread on here a few months ago. I read through the posts and was flabbergasted. Let me just say that where I live I do not know one person over the age of 30 that does not have a child, so reading about couples not wanting to have children stunned me. I read the reasons why the couples didn’t want kids, and I honestly felt bad for them. Didn’t they realize how precious children were? How it would all be worth it? But it still sparked my curiosity.
Over the next couple of months I started looking at numerous childfree articles, forums, and blogs. I also read what I’ve always heard from parenting websites, like “it’s so worth it,” “I didn’t know love until I had my children,” and, “it’s the most rewarding job in the world.”
A couple forum posts by CBC people struck a chord with me. They talked about how many people only see the ‘Kodak moments’ when talking about raising a family, about how many people don’t see past pregnancy and babyhood, and how many people never really thought about the decision before deciding to become parents. This was me and my fiancé. We did picture past the babyhood, but when we did, we’d picture sweet Christmas mornings and cute pumpkin patches. We’d often talk of how we’d decorate our baby’s room, how big my belly would be during pregnancy, and how cute our baby would be. I was exactly like these people were describing, so did the rest of what they were saying have some truth to it?
I kept reading about the “drudgery of motherhood,” but I loved taking care of my siblings, and I still enjoy taking care of younger members in the family so I thought that this didn’t apply to me until I read one CBC blogger’s post (http://childfreedom.blogspot.com/). She talked about how she loves kids, enjoys being with them and watching them, but wouldn’t want to raise them 24/7 and 365 days a year. Right then, a flashback of me babysitting two young family members (that I LOVE) one night flashed into my mind. I thought about how I could barely go to the bathroom by myself, how if I made myself food or a drink they immediately asked me to make them one, how they demanded my attention 24/7, how they would argue with each other, how I literally could not sit down because they always needed something, and how by the end of the night, I was exhausted, ready to have some privacy, and ready to give them back to their parents.
I imagined doing that again but with my own kids, 24/7, and for 18 years. It felt like a thin veil had just been lifted from my eyes. I want cute babies and endearing family moments, but I DO NOT want to do the daily work of raising them for 18 years.
I pictured me and my fiancé’s daily schedule with our children:
Wake up, make breakfast for everyone, get older kids ready for school, make lunches, drop them off at school
Take care of/feed/entertain younger ones at home
Clean house, do laundry, get groceries
Pick up older children, drop them off at various after-school activities
Go home to make dinner
Have fiancé pick up kids on his way home, eat dinner, help with homework
Clean up while fiancé gives little ones baths, get everyone in bed
Pass out from exhaustion
And then without kids:
Wake up, exercise, watch news, eat breakfast together
Go to work, eat lunch together
Come home, read a book
Get ready to go out to eat
Eat dinner at a restaurant, go home
Do laundry, take a bath, watch a movie together, go to bed
Once we saw what our daily schedules would really be like, and for how long we would be doing that, the choice was made by my fiancé and I. We are now CBC, and feel a sense of freedom that we’ve never felt before. We’ve been in a rush since we were teenagers to HURRY and get established so that I could be a stay at home mother. Now, since I will be working and we don’t have deadlines anymore, my fiancé has decided to do the double major that he has wanted to do, we are looking into moving into a state that we otherwise wouldn’t have moved to with children (we wanted them to be really close to other family members), and we are now going to be saving to build our dream home.
Before we were CBC, we felt like we had to hurry to accomplish all of our personal ambitions and dreams before having children, all while simultaneously saving up appropriately for our family’s future. Now we live for ourselves and for each other, and we are very much looking forward to taking out our young family members, having a blast, and then giving them back to their parents at the end of the day. 😉
It’s the most freeing thing that I have ever experienced.
Hopefully we can continue the discussion and keep sharing our experiences. 🙂
– Ms. Flowers