(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice. *Part II*

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 62
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Tostones:  I totally agree that there should be a CBC section on here! It is clearly something people want to talk about in a supportive environment. And women definitely get given a hard time more than men.. and I don’t think that’s fair at all. 

Post # 63
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ms. Flowers:  I get that and respect that.  I guess I assume that most people (over)think things through and obsessively research as much as I do and this is clearly not the case!  Haha at least this freakish tendency is helping me out in some areas of life.

Post # 65
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@phillygirl629:  I really don’t understand it either!! I mean, since when is asking people about their sex life and parenting future ANYONE’S business but the couple??  It boggles my mind

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@Ms. Flowers:  You are being really smart about it!!!  I definitely think its right for your to put off any permanent decision until you are absolutely certain. It sounds like you both are not only on the same page, but have had really good discussions about it. If I were you, i would put off making a permanent decision until you are totally sure you won’t change your mind or regret it later.

We are firm enough in our decision that this is right for us. Eventually, you will be as well (no matter what your ultimate decision is)

Post # 66
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

Of course people ask questions if what they’re hearing seems out of the norm, but I can’t imagine them being so heartless and cold as to criticize or chastise you for it. I have 3 BF’s who are all childless, and I have to admit I was both surprised when I was told and also a little curious about why. They were all very adamant about not seeing kids in their life plans, and that was that. No tears or convincing or handholding was necessary for them. They decided and I accepted. No big deal. I did have to laugh when one of them told me she ‘valued her figure too much to even think about getting stretchmarks’! Her vanity won out.

We are all quite a bit older than all of you, and now each has said that they’ve regretted their decisions. They don’t even know each other and all live in different states, but in the past few years it has come up unexpectedly for them, and now I feel sad. Sometimes your choices come back and bite you in the rear.

I also wanted to mention that I think some people might be misunderstanding when they’ve heard about some having kids to take care of them in their old age. I believe what they really mean is to have people to CARE for them, not TAKE care of them. That’s a pretty big difference (but I could be wrong).

Post # 68
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@ItWasntMe:  well, apparently there are a lot of heartless people out there, because it happens A LOT. You should read some of the other CBC posts, to get a feel for what we’ve heard.

I can’t honestly imagine regretting a decision that I’ve always had.  Just doesn’t seem possible. All the reasons people give me for having kids, I can give at least 2 for not having them. I have plenty of friends and family who do have them, so if I ever feel the need to be around them, I can go visit them.

And yes, I have heard a few people say, “well, who’s going to TAKE CARE of you when you are old?!”. That has come from more than one person’s mouth.  My answer, “well, I won’t have kids to take all my money, so I can pay for nursing care if needed. Plus, I’ll have friends. And also, having kids isn’t a guarantee you will be taken care of. Go walk through a nursing home and ask folks how many of them were dumped there by their kids and never get a visit?”

Post # 69
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Ms. Flowers:  haha, nice! I went back and read it and was thinking, “yeah, she’s right, it does sound Yoda-ish.” lol πŸ˜‰

You are most welcome!!  I love being able to talk about this kind of stuff with people on all sides, it really opens your eyes to stereotypes, and the way things really happen. As I’ve said, I don’t mind kids, but I was always quick to judge and roll my eyes. But after many discussions, I have a lot more sympathy, and am more willing to accept their behavior as a missed nap, bad day, or whatever. I think discussions like this can only help both sides be more accepting of the other

Post # 71
Member
1174 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsSl82be:  I’m not CBC… but this thread has made me think a lot. I know SO many people who chose not to have children. Lots of my family members did not have children. And I’ve heard people say the argument about “who will take care of you when you’re old” quite a bit. I have to say within the last 15 years, we had three elderly family members who did not have kids who needed care.. all of which have passed on. We cared for them as if they were our parents/grandparents. One of my great uncles who needed the most care.. we actually took shifts caring for him in his home. When he moved to assisted living, we visited daily. When he was under hospice care, we were there. I’m also carrying on his farm business, which I know meant the world to him. Just because you don’t have children, does not mean you don’t have family who love you! 

Post # 72
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

@Ms. Flowers:  They didn’t want to adopt or ever have any kids in their lives that didn’t live elsewhere. They have husbands and  siblings and neices and nephews, but their parents are now gone and life is now different for them. They built their businesses and traveled the world, and now when everyone else is slowing down and relaxing, they all feel they’ve somehow missed out. They are far too old to even consider adopting now, and I never thought I’d hear them say what they have, since it was never important to them before.
 

Post # 74
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

We’re childfree! Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the community (that is far better defined on other forums throughout the web. My Fiance is getting snipped over the summer and I have to say that we’re looking forward to it as much as the wedding. I’ve known my whole life I didn’t want them and Fiance decided he wanted to be with me and not babies 4 years ago. If you are thinking of considering sterilization later in life, when the decision has had time to steep.. it’s such piece of mind knowing we’ll never have an oopsie. πŸ™‚

Post # 76
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsSl82be:  That so exciting, congrats!

The topic ‘This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice. *Part II*’ is closed to new replies.

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