(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice. *Part II*

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 92
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@chastenet:  I agree. I think that the example of ” 18 years without a break” doesn’t make much sense. The majority of well-raised kids I know (no video games, limited technology in general) are well-behaved, like to read, play games, are creative and sweet.

When I was 12 I got my first job. I was a great student, involved in lots of things, loved my parents, followed their rules, and had a wonderful childhood. Is this the case for everyone? No of course not. But neither is 18 years of wild, hellions. It just isn’t.

Post # 93
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@Ms. Flowers:  Regarding the steriization thing…

I think its wise to feel hesitant to make a decision like that. As humans, we go through phases in our decision-making process. Not to say that you will, but depending on your age, who knows. Maybe just possiblly someday you would change your mind? (I mean I’m guessing you won’t from the thread!)

My Aunt was CBC for the first 15 years of her marriage, then changed her mind at 37. She has two boys and has told me that of everything she’s done in her life- being a Mom was the best decision. Cheesy I know, but at example of someone that had a shift in her liftetime.

Post # 94
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I haven’t read through part 1 or the replies, but I wanted to comment so I can bookmark this to read later.  Thank you for starting the thread.  FI’s aunt and uncle are CBC and I never understood the choice completely until I met them.  They are amazingly happy, travel all the time, and have two loving dogs.  Never have they felt their life to be unfilled by being childfree.  And never have they regretted their decision. They are retired and having the time of their life.

None of my relatives are CBC and growing up I always thought having kids was a natural progression of life – get married, have kids… Doesn’t everyone?  Isn’t it only natural to want and have kids?  But even then I never understood why people can be so judgmental about someone else’s personal decisions; think them selfish or pity them for not having kids.  Reproduction isn’t a necessity anymore for humans, as we already overpopulate the planet.  I used to think if Fiance and I couldn’t have kids, I wouldn’t feel complete – as a wife, as a woman.  Now as I get older, my views have changed.  I know if for whatever reason we could not conceive naturally, I would not pursue any medical assistance.  I am aware now that my life’s happiness, pleasure, and fulfillment is not dependent on having kids.

Post # 95
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@Ms. Flowers:  I’ve been thinking about the adoption aspect of this situation a lot lately, too. I know adoption is complex and has its own set of challenges and risks. But it’s something I think about, in weighing whether or not we want to have kids… the fact that, if we decide against conceiving our own children, we could still decide at some point later in our lives that we would like to give a home to an older child who needs one.

My fiance and I spent a long subway ride yesterday across from a woman who was actively abusing her child. She had two boys with her; a two-year-old who immediately passed out in her lap and stayed that way the whole ride, and what I’m guessing was about a 3.5/4-year-old. The older boy was bored, and restless, so he kept fidgeting in his seat. Not even causing trouble; not running around, not jumping, not yelling; just periodically getting up on his knees on the seat, or leaning over and touching the floor. And every few minutes when she got fed up with him, she would tell him to “sit the f*ck down” or “shut the f*ck up,” and she would slap him. Once she grabbed him by the hood of his coat and jerked him back into his seat. My fiance and I were horrified but completely helpless, because there was nothing we could do–we were on a moving train, underground, with no way to contact anyone who could step in. If we’d challenged her I’m sure she would have just escalated a physical fight with us, and her kids still wouldn’t have been any better off. But I was looking at that poor little boy crying, thinking, “he is going home with her today and every day, and this is his life unless someone he knows will step in to help him. And maybe this is something that will be right for us in the future, to give a home to somebody who’s been taken away from a monster like this.”

Post # 96
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just wanted to say how happy I am the the OP found some resources that helped her make the life decision that was right for her. Her statement, that she didnt know any CFBC people and never thought about kids past the baby stage, and had never really been presented with the true cons of having kids, really is something that I think our society needs to address. We celebrate motherhood and still give a stink eye to CF people as if there is something unnatural about us, we dont talk about it as a choice. We dont tell women, “think twice before you have kids, its very hard with lots of miserable times and you cant give them back. You dont have to do it.”

There is nothing sadder than a woman who, too late, realizes she doesnt actually like being a mother. That its not giggling babies in cute clothes forever. That her life has changed in every way, irreversibly.

Of course, there are many people who love it, my parents truly loved parenting, and so does my sister. They do a good job and dont regret having kids for a moment.
I am particularly grateful to my sister, since I can get my kodak moment in with my nephew and leave the diaper changing to her!
 

Post # 97
Member
10627 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I like this quote by Clara Hughes, it’s honest without insulting anyone for their choices:

Do you think you’ll have kids?
Clara: No. I feel like I have kids all over the world—now I have hundreds in Mali! Seriously, though, I just don’t have that desire. And my husband isn’t interested either. I love kids, but other people’s kids. Never say never…but I’m pretty darned sure!

Post # 97
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I have to admit … when I started reading your OP (Part I), I was kinda ticked that you’d make such judgements.  Then, I read further and saw that you decided to learn more about people different from you.  After that, I was pleased to see you chose to become CFBC!  Now, I wasn’t happy that you and your husand decided to become CFBC just for the sake of it (and because my husband and I are as well), but rather because it was the best decision for you and your husband.  🙂

For some, becoming parents is the best decision for a couple – and that’s great.  For others, choosing not to have children is the best decision for a couple – and that’s great, too.

Congrats on your new-found (well, it’s been 4 years now, I guess) freedom and happiness!  I would *love* an update if you’re willing to share! 

Post # 98
Member
1907 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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MissesAwesome:  We’re CFBC. Honestly, we truly enjoy our freedom and spontaneous approach to life. Children just aren’t a part of our fulfillment journey. I’m fulfilled as a wife, relative, friend, Godmom, and aunt.

Post # 100
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

UPDATE!

My OP (mentioned above) was “closed” by admin bc I apparently posted it in the wrong section. If you were a part of the OP and/or would like to join in and show support, then please follow the new URL from the “IDEAS” section:

http://weddingbee.uservoice.com/forums/241844-submit-your-idea/suggestions/11136888-new-board-section-needed
Also, be sure to VOTE (3 is best if you really agree with the initiative) if you want to see this put through. Voting is the best way to be heard here, but feel free to leave a comment if you want to as well.

Thanks, everyone! 😀

The topic ‘This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice. *Part II*’ is closed to new replies.

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