(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Congrads for making such a difficult choice with your FI! It certainly seems like the right choice for you πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Congratulations on making this difficult decision as a couple. My Darling Husband and I are CBC as well. I have always known this was the right choice for me due to many of the reasons you mentioned above. I would also love the Kodak moments if those were available separate from the day to day drudgery. My Darling Husband was simply indifferent when we met. He said he had always figured his wife would want them, so he would have children. However, he had never truly wanted any on his own accord. Over the last few years we witnessed many of the things you mentioned above with other couples in our lives (not being prepared for the bad times, lack of fredom, etc.). He made the transition you have made to being an even stronger supporter of our CBC lifestyle than I am (although I’m a close second).

I honestly believe there are women out there who truly want children and will enjoy being a mother (at least most of the time), but I also think there are a lot of women who just have children because they think they are “supposed” to do it. I never felt like “because you’re supposed to” was a good enough reason to bring another life into the world, and I have never felt another reason to do so. We are both going into education and look forward to spending quality time with our nieces and nephews (then taking them home like you mentioned), so we feel we’ll get plenty of those Kodak moments. It sounds like you two will as well. I’m happy for you and your SO, and I wish the best for you in your CBC future. πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Good for you.  πŸ™‚

 

The reasons that others give for being CFC don’t always resonate with me, but that’s okay.  Many people in life take different paths and arrive at the same conclusion. 

Post # 6
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I like your attitude towards the whole thing and I don’t hate anyone who is CBC.  I have tried for years to get pregnant and sometimes wonder if someone upstairs isn’t trying to tell me…this might not be what you think it will be.  I also know so many people our age who constantly constantly complain about their lives because they have kids and how Darling Husband and I are the lucky ones.  They can’t travel, they can’t sleep in, they can’t just be spontaneous anymore.  And it makes me realize that NOPE, not everyone should have them.  

I’m not on the whole CBC bandwagon yet…if I found out today I couldn’t ever have kids, I’d probably change my tune though.  DH knows of my “history” and while he wants nothing more than to make me a mother, it has never been a “dealbreaker” for him.  We discuss what our lives would be like with and without kids.  Our dreams haven’t changed…we just now talk about how the kids would fit into it.  

One more thing too…neither of our parents have any grandkids and desperately want them b/c (you guessed it) all their friends are grandparents….no pressure right???

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I respect people who are CBC. My aunt (basically my sister) wanted cute babies SO badly that she and her husband had one super fast after getting married. Then they had another. They tried to have another because they really wanted a boy for some reason (well, he did), and eventually, they got a third child that was a boy. Nothing wrong with this…except:

They live luxuriously (and between them they make enough to do it – if they didn’t have three kids!). Fancy dinners every other night, $100 bottles of wine, she has like 5 Coach purses, nice cars, etc. Well, my grandparents are the sweetest people in the world. They raised me because my mom was a deadbeat. So, they started out taking care of the first one…then they had another on their hands, and now that the other two are almost old enough to not need to be constantly “watched” (one just turned 11), they have another infant on their hands. They are being used as free childcare by my aunt and her husband, so they can live their lifestyle, have their Kodak moments, and not deal with the 10 hours of “drudgery” per day it takes to actually raise a child. They get home from work to find their children clean and dressed, their house clean, etc. and then they can go out with them. It’s disgusting, but my grandparents are between a rock and a hard place, loving their grandchildren but also missing out on their retirement.

My point is…my aunt didn’t want to actually TAKE CARE of her children. She wanted cute photos, to dress them up cute, to show them off when they do well in school or sports, etc. Not the everyday, so it’s been dumped on somebody else. She really shouldn’t have had kids.

Post # 8
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This was interesting to read – my husband and I are still very much on the fence (as in, in no less than 5 years we’ll reevaluate – for now I’m 23 and just starting graduate school and kids absolutely not an option!) and we relish our time CBC. It’s so good we kind of think we’ll be giving up a lot if we ever DO have kids. I love that you’ve found freedom in your decision πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t have children and will not even consider having biological children for at least 5 or 6 years.  I don’t go nuts over babies, I don’t enjoy toddlers or “little kids”, but I do really like older kids and teenagers and both Fiance and I have excellent relationships with our parents. While we are both leaning heavily towards CBC (can someone actually tell me what it literally stands for), we worry if we’d regret the relationship we could have with our older children one day. Does anyone else feel or have felt this way?

Post # 11
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Ms. Flowers:  Congrats on coming up with the right decision for you two! I grew up with parents who basically told me and my brother they had us to help take care of them in their old age. In retrospect… wow. People who are child free by choice often get labeled as selfish. I feel the opposite. Bringing a child into the world as it is with all sorts of wars, environmental problems, economic chaos, overpopulation etc seems far more selfish than choosing to tough it out on your own. When my parents try to guilt trip Darling Husband and I into having kids (I’m getting up there in age), I point out that with the money you don’t spend on your kids, you could easily buy into a nice retirement community and take care of each other as well if not better than many kids ever bother to take care of their parents! As you said, being parents sure does have its Kodak moments. But to me, the Kodak moments are far outweighed by the reality of the situation and the uncertainty of their futures etc.

By The Way, I’m reading anywhere between $250k and $400k plus per child born today! Crazy!

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/25/the-cost-of-raising-a-child/

http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Welcome aboard!!!! I think its great that you took what you’ve read, and really did some soul searching to realize what is best for your and your Fiance.  My hubs and I are the same – we love kids, we just couldn’t do it 24/7/365.  We love being an aunt and uncle, and we love spending time with them, but we also love it when they leave, and we can home to our childfree house to be with our pet managerie!  

Post # 15
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Ms. Flowers:  Yes, well a lot of the putting-off-deciding has to do with our priorities now – which are school, moving to another state, travel, etc. So I just have no idea what will happen in the future, just that I have no intention of changing my present plans. At this moment, we just know that we do not want them. If after we’re settled post-grad school, internship, and post-doc (when I’ll be 30ish) we decide we want them, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now I 100% identify with the CBCers on this board and love hearing stories like yours … they balance out all the child fanatics on my facebook πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

My sister and her hubby are CBC and while my family doesn’t understand it I completely understand. It’s a hard and thankless job! She’s the most attentive and wonderful aunt! She’s always there and can get really into the sporat with my son. 

 

She and her hubby love their feee time together and I respect that. More power to you!!

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