(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Gavinsmamma:  yikes. Not everyone has to or wants to have kids. And the great thing is that’s their choice!

flagged for personal attack.

Post # 33
Member
2451 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Gavinsmamma:  Why is it selfish? The world will not disappear, there are plenty of other people happy to have children.

Post # 34
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@LadyBear:  In a funny story re: siblings, I just signed on facebook yesterday and saw one of my friends who has two young children and they are holy terrors together – she continuously posts about all the things they ruin (this last time it was her sheets, with nail polish remover). Sometimes it’s more time-consuming to have more than one kid than it would be to entertain one on your own! 🙂 Plus I had two siblings and while the younger two played together, I wasn’t entertained by them, so it’s not a guarantee.

Sorry for going off-topic OP –

Post # 35
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ms. Flowers:  I really love hearing perspectives like yours, as I’m in the “undecided” camp right now. It is so, so helpful to hear honest, heartfelt stories about what made you choose a certain path. Congratulations on these feelings of being liberated and your excitement over your future with your husband!

Post # 37
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Gavinsmamma:  Heyo, then I’m selfish too cause that’s EXACTLY why I don’t have kids. More money, more time, more fun, more spontaneity, more naked walking around in my house – who gives a crap what our reasons are? CBC is just as legitimate as having kids.

I’m flagging you (obviously) – not everyone wants to pop out little ones and we should be able to talk about that without retribution.

Post # 38
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Gavinsmamma:  WOW!! Gotta love how WE are called selfish, yet the world is so grossly overpopulated by people who are selfish enough to keep adding to the problem

 

View original reply
@LadyBear:  I understand that, but the way we grew up and the way kids grow up today are VERY different. And what happens if the siblings don’t play well together, or don’t like the same things?

My point in my comment was this – there are a ton of parents or people who want kids who will try to make it seem like having a kid isn’t that bad, for whatever reason. Why does ever single CBC thread on here have to end up with a parent or would be parent coming into our threads to say “yeah, but having a kid isn’t really that bad (insert whatever reason they give)”. 

Post # 39
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Ms. Flowers:  it NEVER takes long to be bingoed!!  I would love it if we could have our own little space to talk about what we want to, but alas, it isn’t meant to be (on this site at least). Could you imagine the uproar if we went into parenting and baby threads to tell them all the reasons having a child is a bad choice????

Post # 40
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

OP–your thread went in a total different direction than I thought it was going to after reading the first sentence. KUDOS to you and your partner. We keep going back and forth with it and I am not sure which side we’ll end up on. You (and the otheres who provided blogs) definitely gave us a lot to think about.

Post # 41
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Gavinsmamma:  I can’t make the right decisions for a child BECAUSE I HATE THEM. 😉

Post # 43
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

I know the topic of choosing to or not to have children can be a sensitive one. While we may all sometimes disagree, it’s expected that such disagreements to be handled in a mature manner. For the most part, this thread has been a very honest and respectful discussion so far. Can we please keep it that way? I know I’m gaining something from it, so hopefully others are, too.

Post # 44
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

editing self.

Post # 45
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsSl82be:  i guess i’ll be a “yeah, but” too then… 

i really admire the level of thought and consideration CBC couples put into their descision. Not everyone wants kids, not everyone needs them and certainly not everyone should have them. I know a few people whose parents clearly did not want children but had them anyway, and really that is no life for a child. i have a true admiration for people who stand by their beliefs and are respectful of those who choose another path, on both sides of the debate.

as for me, i am not CBC or decidedly anti-CBC… i don’t have kids and i never spent much time with babies. i am sure they are very annoying a large percentage of the time, but (there it is) in some ways OP’s depiction of life without kids is just as much a “kodak moment” glossing over as fantasizing about nurseries and christmas mornings. i love my Fiance and I love this time in our relationship, where we can focus mostly on us and our wants. but not every day is going to be blissful and stress-free. regardless of whether we add kids into the equation, relationships of all kinds take work. the demands of things like mortgages, jobs, in-laws, finances, friendships, aging parents etc will exist no matter what. for some, kids would add an unwanted measure of stress to that stuff. for others they might mitigate that stress and make it more bearable.

neither way is right or wrong, and both opinions have a place here 🙂  

Post # 46
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsSl82be:  I am reading the link, and I agree with much of what that blogger says. I didn’t say the OP (or any other CBCer) should change her mind, nor did I say motherhood was the fabulous thing that many people portray it to be. I just wanted to put in an observation about why watching someone else’s kids may be different than watching your own.

And yes, of course babies need constant watching. But kids are not babies forever. My point was related to children who are school-age, not babies. And not all kids “mindlessly play video games or watch TV.” Some read books, draw, play with toys, play outside, etc.

Your comment to me makes it sound as if you’re only interested in things which confirm your own opinion. I like to hear all parts – the good, the bad, and the ugly – when making choices, and I figured people might want to consider all parts of the equation themselves. So I posted my comment so that people could consider it as well.

Your comment also speaks to why I get annoyed with the “CBC is great!” and “CBC is terrible!” threads.  Because it seems like no one can say anything that isn’t “You’re SOOOO right!” without others being like, “Oh, you’re one of those nasty CBC-lovers/CBC-haters! Your facts and opinons are garbage!” I hate threads where any comments that don’t 100% agree with or back up the OP are dismissed or trashed, even when they are valid points that are well-stated and polite and offered to simply bring more thought to the discussion.

And for the record, I myself am in the undecided camp. So if you were thinking I’m a “You must have kids” person, then you are wrong.

The topic ‘This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.’ is closed to new replies.

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