- Ms. Flowers
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I just saw this thread, and it’s 13 pages long, so I apologize if this point has already been made – but I find it really interesting (read: confusing and borderline nonsensical) when people call CBCers “selfish.” “Selfish” is defined as “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself,” “seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others,” “arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others” (these are all from Merriam-Webster) – the point being that whenever the word “selfish” is used, it denotes a concern with one’s own interests with disregard for the interests of others or to the exclusion of the interests of others. Putting your own interests over those of other people. So how does someone’s choice not to have kids make them selfish? It is impossible to put your needs and interests over the needs and interests of someone who does not exist.
If you live by yourself and you bake a cake for the hell of it, and you eat all the cake, is that selfish? I don’t think so. Nobody else is there to eat the cake. But if you live with your SO and you bake a cake, and you hork down all the cake before he has a chance to eat any, that’s arguably selfish.
I think you could say that a person’s motivations for not having kids are self-interested, certainly – and I mean that as a neutral statement (edit – and it’s really not even the best term, probably – I just can’t think of a better word right now). People choose not to have children because that decision serves their interests and desires. And I don’t think there’s any reason to judge someone for that, because we all do things that are self-interested. But they’re not selfish. I think there’s a difference.
I don’t have kids currently but I plan to in a few years – I’ve always known I wanted them, it just hasn’t been the right time yet – but I have a serious distaste for people who are smug about having children, and people who are smug about choosing not to have children, like their own personal decision makes them better than other people (that’s not what I think about the OP here, by the way – just commenting on the negative responses).
I was asked by a moderator to start a Part II to this thread so it won’t slow down the site. If you want to reply to anything on this thread, just look for “This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice Part II” which I will be starting in just a couple of minutes.
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