(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@bostongirl27:  its a proven fact that kids ruin marriage. Not all, but some. I know for a fact that having a kid would ruin my marriage. I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit it.

I just really get pissy over the fact that as soon as someone makes a CBC thread, parents and would be’s come in to share their side. That’s great – we all have reasons for having or not having kids. BUT, those of us who are CBC don’t go into the parenting threads to voice our opinions about how they choose to have kids and reasons. Hell, people who decide to have kids NEVER get asked why, only those of us who choose not to have to deal with answering all those questions who are none of anyone else’s business.

I just think that because we respect their part of this site, they respect ours as well

Post # 48
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

Not sure why the OP is getting jumped on considering the title of the thread specifically says she’s directing her post to those who are actually considering becoming CBC…

 

@Ms. Flowers:  Congratulations on your decision and major kudos to you and your Fiance for sitting down and having what must have a been a tough conversation and deciding on what is best for the both of you.

Post # 50
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I honestly am begnining to feel the same way. I’m just not sure we want children and I’ve previously wanted a large family my entire life. There just seems to be no joy, no reward in raising a child. We love our dog so much, but that’s because she’s always happy. Kids are never happy.

It’s weird to hear you say you don’t know anyone without kids. I live in a big city and I don’t know a single person who has kids (other than coworkers). I have a few friends who got pregnant in their late 30s but that’s it.

I also can’t imagine having a baby, then 6 weeks later I farm it out to a nanny who will take care of it forever while I am away at work for 12 hours a day. Sweet life for the baby.

Post # 51
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Gavinsmamma:  Wow. Every other comment before yours was polite and civil and I was shocked to see such a strong negative response. In response to your post, what about couples who become parents but have no financial stability and depend on government aid? Aren’t they also being selfish? And if someone says “I’m going to have kids because I’m going to be a great parent”, isn’t that rather self-serving and presumptuous? 

Choosing to spend your time and energy and money on your spouse does not make you selfish. You are not depriving anyone else of anything. I applaud the OP for her thorough decision-making process and I hope more people give that much thought to procreation. 

A family of 2 is still a family. 

 

Post # 52
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

@Bubu82:  I think CBCs get upset because comments like those have the propensity, and often do go south VERY quickly. They often end (in real life, especially) with people berating the decision, or implying the CBCer is wrong, unnatural, a freak of nature even. This gets tiring to hear after a while. So when an opposing comment is made, there is an inherent worry that it’s going to go badly. 

Thank you though for keeping it respectful, and not going the direction that @gavinsmama took the commentary. Your opinion is appreciated.

Post # 53
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@hatched: “There’s plenty of love in the world to go around, you don’t need to have children to experience “real” love.”

Great line.

I’m 31, I am heavily involved in a career with a hectic schedule that requires lots of travel, and I’ve never wanted kids.  I like kids, teaching kids, other people’s kids… but I don’t have that burning WANT to have my own. That feeling of being unfulfilled without them.

I know that feeling: I felt it when dating/single, I knew there was someone out there, a best friend and copilot to life. I feel that burning desire to have a dog of my own, I am jealous of other peoples’dogs; not baby carriages.

 

My Fiance is older than me, he wanted a family when we was younger, but never was willing settle for Ms-right-now. Being a little older, he’s come to accept being childfree; and while he’s leaving the ultimate decision up to me and any potential biological clock wierdness… I just don’t see it happening. 

Post # 54
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Miss Mauverick:  Even though we’re still undecided, my husband and I really love reminding ourselves that he and I are a family. A husband and wife are still a family!

Post # 56
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Gemstone:  My Fiance and I were standing in the kitchen making dinner just last night and he said “i love our family”… it felt very right 🙂 i know we aren’t married yet, but this man is my family and regardless of when or how we choose to add to that, our family still counts!

Post # 57
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

@Gavinsmamma: Good lord…what happened to making the best decision for the lifestyle that we want? Some people don’t want to have to devote their lives to children. That’s fine…that’s what non-CBCers are for. The beauty is, we are all able to make that CHOICE. My DH and I made the CHOICE to be non-CBC. Respect others who made the selfless choice to be CBC. 

Post # 59
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@StealthyBee:  thanks.

View original reply
@Bubu82:  not worth it. I am not getting into another debate because some people will want to turn this into an us vs them thread

Post # 60
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Very interesting!  I never had an “epiphany”.  I knew from a very young age that I did not want children and that I’d never change my mind.  

The topic ‘This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors