(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 78
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@KristenGotMarried:  haha, yes!!

 

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@Ms. Flowers:  I honestly don’t enjoy school that much, but I love the college I went to and would go back there. I have heard grad school is different than undergrad, but i don’t know if that is a good or bad thing! I think i will revisit it in a few years. I feel like even if I enjoy it, if it didn’t progress my professional life, it isn’t worth it. The time and expense could be put to use elsewhere. But the again, I may have a completely different job, and it may benefit me in the long run.

His majors are so interesting to me. I would love to do something along those lines, like CSI or Criminal Minds, but I can’t deal with the type of stuff they would deal with, and I’m not sciency or patient enough to work in a lab

Post # 79
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ms. Flowers:  Sorry! I wasn’t trying to put you in a weird spot by bringing up age. I’m just so interested in people who are decisive enough to know one way or the other. Thanks!

Post # 80
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Fiance and I are 24 and we’re set on having children, though I did waffle for a little while.  I love spontaneous travel and just spending time with him (we’re in an LDR until a month before the wedding!) and sometimes even having a cat is too much of a weight– I can only leave town for two days before I feel guilty and come home to spend time with the cat.  I definitely wondered if not having children would be the way to go for us, because we could spend all that time together and we could have a few more dogs and I could garden and read more and relax more. 

But I also have a weird desire for the mundane things about child-rearing, like singing in the car on the way to soccer practice or laughing about how crazy the night was when none of the kids wanted to go to bed on time.  I realize these are sort of those “Kodak” moments… who knows.  I do know that we’re still going to travel as much as we can and I’m going to have a garden even if the kids dig it up every week! But if we medically couldn’t have kids, I may reevaluate and decide we’ll just do our own thing. 

This isn’t meant to convince anyone, that would be wicked rude.  I just wanted to add another personal story (and kind of have a chance to write it out because I haven’t done that yet!)  I absolutely see the benefits of CBC and definitely considered it.  Congratulations OP!

Post # 81
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve always known I didn’t want kids, but I think my mom took it personally that she didn’t raise me to want to do what she did.  This is how I explained it to her:

Some people find fulfillment in having children and being mothers.  Some find fulfillment in being nuns and devoting their lives to religion.  Others find fulfillment in their career or volunteering for different causes.  Children are not my source of fulfillment in life.

She knows the things I am passionate about, and when I explained that to her, it finally clicked with her.  I am not willing to devote my life and make that many sacrifices for my own children, but I will make those sacrifices for other things, and have traveled to 3rd world countries to do things that fulfill me which also happen to help others in need.  

Post # 82
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@bookworm88:  haha, you could totally make a NO KIDS ALLOWED sign for the garden, and put up fencing to keep critters (and kids) out!  

Post # 84
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@MrsSl82be:  Too bad FI’s dog can’t read it!! I have a feeling keeping him out of it for the next few years will prepare me for the kids! (Or not at all because Fiance and his brothers were little hellions…) 

Post # 85
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I find it odd that some people feel the need to put a label on a decision.  CBC, childless, breeders, selfish, fencesitters, etc.

I get that it’s nice to talk to people in your situation, or even someone who’s a bit beyond where you are and to advice those who are about to enter a similar stage.  I think that’s best done by shared experiences though and not by just putting a simple label on things.

Beyond the labels, I am enjoying this thread.

Post # 86
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As a cbc I really don’t care what people think of Fiance and I decision. People ask me and I say never and if they press further I just say do you know what NEVER means and they at that point drop the subject lol! I know once we get married it’s going to be asked more but it will still be never. Here are some reasons why kids aren’t for me

Going through pregnancy…not interested at all

I love my sleep

I like to get up and go

I like to go out on weekends and travel

I much rather spend my extra money on myself then a child

I want a new car Much cheaper then a child

Can’t stand crying children or hyper ones the list can go on!

I have no health insurance

So call me selfish!!

Post # 88
Member
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know why some people think it is okay to come on this thread and judge such an extremely personal choice.  I could make some harsh judgements about what I observe about people that DO have children, but I am not going to go on the pregnancy or baby board to do it. 

I could say that most kids are accidents, or people do it because other people do it, or because they are bored or do not want to work.  I could say that when I was 22 I was idealistic and could not imagine anyone not wanting children.  I went to a wedding where a large group of women (older than I) sat in a circle and verbally and freely resented their choice to have kids as the adorable children ran in and out of the group, asking for things.  I was shocked.  The only other woman who did not yet have kids said to her friends, “Someone tell me SOMEthing positive about motherhood….”  (blink….blink…. went the crowd.)  I could say that having children is something a lot of people don’t think through.  I could say that a lot of people act like they are possessions or like they are a prize, or a doll, or a dog.  I could say that I constantly hear child abuse stories, that I have witnessed them.  I could say that I have witnessed people have them to have something to abuse, someone who they have power over, someone who cannot get away.  Some people do it because children are the only ones that will love them.  I could say that having children is one of the most selfish things you can do, that people do it for status and attention.  If you want to have children, there are plenty out there that already need to be loved.  Oh, but you want you OWN.  I could say that kids are dangerous and scary- like chaos on wheels.  They are capable of doing what an adult would do, and even if they know better they will do it anyway.  I could say that people hope their children will take care of them someday- and then I would ask them if they took care of their parents, or know someone that has, or if they have ever been to a nursing home- are those people childfree?

I could say all of these things, but they would be incredibly annoying and judgemental.  ๐Ÿ™‚  You should never have to apologize for taking care of yourself, and I think if more people were as fearless, the world would be a better place. 

Post # 89
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

@bostongirl27:  Actually, most nights I sit down to dinner with DH, we cuddle on the couch for some TV, and I think to myself, “Damn! I’m so glad I don’t have kids to ruin this!” 

Post # 90
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@bookworm88:  seriously! Our older dog isn’t a raw veggied eater, but the pup we got a few months ago is, so we decided to put the garden on the side of the house, outside of the fenced in backyard. We haven’t had to deal with other animals so far, hoping this will continue to be the trend!!

Post # 91
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@SoupyCat:  yeah, we get those moments a lot with the pets. They do something wrong, or just act bad for a while, and we look at each other like “could you imagine if they were children and not animals??”  

๐Ÿ˜‰

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