(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 92
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Bubu82:  I completely agree with what I dislike about these threads they always turn in to “kids suck” vs “people with out kids suck”. And it is honeslty both sides to the absolute extreme.

OP: I think it is great for you ad your Fiance to be on the same page. THat is really the most important things when deciding these types of things. I am not a CBCer, have 2 girls and another baby on the way. I can tell you those Kodak moments you talk about are nice, but not what parenting is like most of the time and not the things I like best. Last night I was laying next to my 3 year old after I read her a book at bedtime. She  had her eyes closed and reached over and put her arm by me, I kissed her elbow and she just layed there eyes closed smiling. like that kiss from me was the greatest thing ever. Those little moments are the moments I love about parenting.

A little of topic: I really dislike the term “bingo/bingoed” I think it is really rude.

Post # 93
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Although I see all of your points and understand your point, to me the choice not to have children seems insanely selfish. No one can argue that not having kids because it’s inconvenient for you is selfish. I don’t hate you for choosing not to have children, but I do want to say that I disagree and all of the “drugery” is truthfully, more than worth it. I don’t think it’s fair to judge it as “drudgery” when you’ve never done it yourself. How do you know? What if it really is incredible and rewarding? It’s sad to me that so many of you will never know that. I can’t physically have children, and it’s just disappointing that so many of you throw away something I would kill for. 

Post # 94
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ms. Flowers:  Thanks for the link! I’ll bookmark it and share with my husband. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 96
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mirabell35:  Does that make nuns and monks selfish?  For devoting their lives to a higher power and not having children, even though they might be physically able to?

Post # 97
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee

@bostongirl27:  Your posts are confusing me because our names are way too similar.

I’m not CBC but I think this thread is awesome and I’m glad the OP came to a decision that works for them ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 99
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@mirabell35:  You could say that many of the reasons why some people have kids is selfish.  One could also say that having kids when unprepared is also selfish.

I honestly believe that women (and men, when involved) who give up their kids for adoption because they do not feel they have the ability to properly take care of them is a very selfless decision.

Having or not having kids maybe for selfish or selfless reasons.

Post # 101
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Ms. Flowers:  Yeah, it’s hard to find resources that don’t lean extremely one way or the other. That’s why I love accounts like yours, as you’ve considered both options. Another Weddingbee member wrote a post a couple of months ago similar to yours, except in reverse. She ended up having children after choosing to be childfree for a long time. It’s so interesting and enlightening to read about others’ journeys, especially when you’re trying to help, not sway. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 102
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@mirabell35:  I also suggest you look up the word insane and understand the definition before using words like insanely.

Post # 103
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

@Bostongrl25:  Haha! Your usernames mix me up, too. I just try to look for your avatar. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 104
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

One again, there are many different paths that have led the Bees posting here to their choice.  Don’t assume that all CFCers have the same reasons or philosophies. 

 

I had baby fever for a few periods in my 20s.  When my now fiance once gently suggested that we could be a family with or without children, I remember crying.  At that point in my life, my brain couldn’t concieve of a family being “just” a husband and a wife.  Looking back, I cringe at how close minded I was!

I’m very in tune with my body, so I was kind of fascinated when my baby fever dissipated around age 31.  With that change in my body came a change in my outlook.  I was suddenly very happy and very at peace with the idea of our family looking like it does right now.  Soon, I started to realize that the idea of adding a child to our family was not giving me comfort, happiness, or peace. 

 

If you’re on the fence or still undecided, my advice is to set aside time periodically to reflect on how you feel (physically and emotionally) and how different scenarios of the future make you feel. 

Society seems to work like a conveyor belt for most people (first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage), but as thinking, rational adults, we don’t necessarily have to take the most well-worn path ahead of us.  We can hop off the conveyor belt if that’s leading us to a place that isn’t right for us.

Post # 105
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

@mirabell35:  Obviously then we have different viewpoints. To me, nothing is more “selfish” than the decision to propagate your own DNA and take up resources when the world is overpopulated and there are more than enough children in the world who do not have adequate care. But, to each their own. 

The topic ‘This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.’ is closed to new replies.

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