(Closed) This is for anyone that is considering becoming Childfree by Choice.

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 107
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

@mirabell35:  I can’t physically play WNBA basketball. I wouldnt dream of calling someone selfish because they can and choose not to. That makes no sense. 

Post # 108
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@mirabell35:  just because you can’t have children doesn’t mean you need to project your anger onto those of us who choose to not have kids. Too bad for you that you want them and can’t have them, but lashing out at those who can and won’t will not make you feel better. 

I think that people who choose to have kids are selfish because rather than helping out with the population we already have by taken care of children who don’t have parents, they continue to add to the over population. But, that’s their choice. Just like its my choice to not have them

Post # 109
Member
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

DH and I do plan to reproduce someday but for the longest time (actually, only until recently) I was 100% CBC. Ultimately I changed my mind and I guess I got the itch to have a kid but that doesn’t mean I don’t FULLY support those who choose not to.

I’ll never understand how NOT procreating can be deemed selfish. It’s the complete OPPOSITE of selfish. It’s really sad that those who don’t agree with a certain lifestyle feel that they have the right to voice their opinions. Keep ’em to yourself or find a mommy blog to vent on. A thread specifically dedicated to CBC’ers is sooooooo not the place. 

OP: Congrats on making this decision. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not a “family” because you don’t have children. Sometimes I wonder if people even know what the definition of “family” is. 

Family: Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

Post # 111
Member
2933 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 31 and I’ve never had baby fever.

I dated countless dudes and always just thought “well I guess I might have kids someday” but it was never a true urge or need I felt.

Then I met my fiance and had the OPPOSITE of baby fever.  I wanted to selfishly have him all to myself for the rest of my life.  He’d make an exceptional father and is good with kids, but knowing that he didn’t want kids either made me want HIM that much more.  I find it incredibly sexy and comforting to know that he just wants me and only me.

Now that’s not to say that I think people only use each other to have kids, or that you love someone less because you have a kid and there’s only so much to go around, but just like people have that A-HA! I MUST HAVE THIS PERSON’S CHILD!, I had the A-HA!  I HAVE FOUND MY PENGUIN AND WE WILL LIVE IN SLEEPING IN, TRAVELING, FINANCIALLY COMFORTABLE BLISS!

I don’t think anyone can predict the future.  Plenty of people change their minds. I think the best you can do is trust the here and now.  Feeling like kids?  Then have kids!  Not feeling it?  Then don’t.  It really is as simple as that.  Life will go on and be lovely no matter what, and both have their merits.

Post # 112
Member
772 posts
Busy bee

ahhh I am so glad you posted this thread. This is exactly  how FIand I feel. 

 

Post # 113
Member
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mirabell35:  Oh, give me a break. I’m sorry that you can’t reproduce but you have no right to belittle those who can but choose not to. You’re not living their lives, are you? No, you’re not. 

Post # 114
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Its really nice/refreshing that only two people out of so many have chosen to take the low road with this post.

I really like reading these – until they get nasty.

I’m on the fence and feel like I go back and forth on a daily, if not hourly basis. I feel like my perspective is weighed by the fact that both of our parents would be heartbroken if we made the decision not to have children.  But at the same time, having kids to make our parents happy would be a horrible idea.  I’m going to Africa this fall and in doing so, am sort of wrapping up accomplishing a lot of my dreams as an individual.  Once I’ve done that, it might alter my perspective. We’ll just have to see!

Post # 116
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

This article was such a refreshing read :).  I personally haven’t decided yet as to any future spawn (though I’m 23 now so I’m in no rush!) but I have a sneaking suspicion my parents will be pushing hard for a grand the second I say I do :(.  I had a teacher back in high school who told us when she first got married all anyone asked her was “when are you going to start a family??”  She would politely respond that she and her husband were already a family, thank you very much.  When I mentioned that to my mom, her eyes about popped out of her head as she said “YOU don’t think that way do you??”  Oh boy.

They’d kill me if I got preggars now since I’m so young, so I have a little reprieve, but that can’t last forever.   I hope I’ll be strong enough to be able to turn the music up in my head when the baby talk starts flying…I’m not completely opposed to having kids, but I am completely opposed to making a decision to please everyone else.  

Post # 117
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsSl82be:  I’m sorry if my post seemed like it was saying “kids aren’t that bad” – I have no idea, not being a mother… I was just surprised that the idea of kids entertaining themselves was linked to video games and TV. You’re right, though, that childhood has changed some, which makes me a little sad. I had so much fun as a child!

 

If not having kids is selfish, then having kids must be to – after all, don’t we decide to/not to based on our own desires and wishes for our life?

Post # 118
Member
1395 posts
Bumble bee

I am glad that you guys actually put some thought into this decision before bringing innocent lives into this world.  People don’t think.  Plain and simple.  When most people think of babies, they envision nursery decor, baby names, cute clothes, etc.  I know when I see baby outfits in the store, my ovaries tingle, lol!  But, an underwhelming amount of people actually consider the reality of parenting: constant screaming and crying (including the middle of the night, therefore no sleep), extreme financial distress, no more private time as a couple or as an individual (unless you have the spare cash to shell out for a sitter), having to always put another person before yourself at all times…  it is definitely not a fairytale. 

For right now, Fiance and I are undecided on the baby thing.  I don’t know that we ever actually will have a child.  I sort of want to, but when I think of my reasons, they’re not good enough to produce a living being that will be entirely dependent upon me for the next however long.

Post # 120
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My best friend found out that she and her husband have a very small chance of having a biological child because of fertility problems. She and I talked about it and she said that she’s not really interested in adoption OR fertility treatments, and I really liked her attitude regarding being child-free. She basically said, “Well, if it’s not in the cards, then it’s not in the cards. It doesn’t mean that my life won’t be fulfilling–it’ll just be fulfilling in a different way.” Respecting the fact that other people, including those struggling with fertility, don’t feel the same way, I still like to put forth her attitude because I think it’s important. 

I really appreciate the site. 

 

Post # 121
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was in the CBC camp as well.  Then when I met my husband I felt like OK…maybe I could do it…someday far in the future.  Now we are seriously considering attempting it in the next 2 years.  For him, it was a non-negotiable.  He definitely wanted kids, so I had to figure out if I was open to it or not and ultimately I decided that I would be.  

It was never the kids themselves that I was not on board with, but more the supervision of them and the running around for all their activities that was stopping me.

Since then, I have tried to expose myself to stories of non-traditional parenting and family roles in order to open my mind to new possibilities of what life with kids can be like.  I have heard of some promising stories and ideas that have convinced me that motherhood will be what I make of it.  So, that has been my journey with deciding to have kids, if possible, and being OK with the decision.  We plan to adopt if we are unable to conceive.

I can’t imagine how anyone could deem it selfish to NOT have children.  My brain just cannot understand that viewpoint whatsoever.

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