Post # 1
We are starting to get RSVP’s in- and I kinda wish I would see some “No’s.”
I know this sounds horrible- why would I invite people if I didn’t want them coming?!?
But here’s why…………The guest list that was in our budget, for our venue was 65 people. My mom insisted on inviting a few people and I literally didn’t have a way to say no. She is contributing to the wedding, but our 65 person count budget included her contribution. It was weird business associates- people I have never met that were added on at the last minute. Then my SO forgot to include his mother’s adoptive family. Then he realized he forgot to invite another family member (No, I’m not mad at him or blaming him- don’t think that!) Long story short, our 65 person guest count rose to 112!!!!! WTF.
Then….both computers in our home died on the same day. So we bought ONE to share- which is totally cool.
Now, our clothes dryer is broken. It’s SO old that it will literally cost the same amount to repair as it will to buy a new cheap one. Either way, it’s $400-500 out the door after tax and it’s not an option. It must be replaced, NOW.
THEN…..for lack of a better way to put it- there was money that was supposed to come in the door and it seems as though it’s not. I am usually the one to never count her eggs before they hatch, but this shouldn’t have been one of those scenarios. We are down $2k because of that.
We can’t spend ONE extra dime on anything- wedding related or not- before our wedding, or else we will be unable to pay for it. I have done the math several times- the $2k was our “cushion” if you will- to make everything ok before the wedding. No, we are not financially irresponsible- I get money distributions at different times of the year and we will be back on track AFTER the wedding.
I woke up this morning feeling depressed. I am by no means a “big shopper”, but I don’t like feeling like I can’t take my son to the zoo without it hurting our budget. That’s not what I am accustomed to, for the most part- and this whole ordeal is really stressing me out. It’s why I wanted to do a destination wedding and then a BBQ next spring locally to celebrate. But my mom convinced me otherwise :/
Post # 3
@MrsEME: Are you kidding, I LOVE getting NO’s!! Especially from the people that MIL invited that I have never met and could care less if they attend!! Less peeps = Less$$$$$!!!!!
Post # 4
@MrsEME: You’re not crazy to like to see No’s. I was pretty happy to see a few myself.
What I do think you’re a little crazy for though, is thinking that you could invite 112 people & somehow get enough No’s to get back in the 65 person range..
I think you should have told your mother no to the odd guests. I know you felt like you couldn’t, but you only had enough budget to cover 65 people, even with her contribution, so after that number was reached, it should have just been a nope.
Post # 5
@MrsEME: It’s okay, I’m about to go through the guest list thing with my own mother and there will undoubtedly be a struggle to fit her extended family whom I’ve never met vs. people I really care about, and I would LOVE to see like 20 no’s!
Post # 6
@MrsEME: yikes! I’m sorry you’re stressed! Maybe your mom can loan you some money to hold you over, I know financial things gonna be very hard to deal with especially during weddings!
Post # 7
@MrsEME: Everyone wants NOs! Of course you’re not being horrible. Most couples have some degree of forced/obligatory invites chosen by their parents. We wouldn’t have invited 1/2 of our guests if we had paid for it ourselves.
Post # 8
@MrsEME: if u get money after the wedding and its sure thing money like def gonna come in and u will be on track adfter it i suggest asking someone to help you a lil
i know its no fun askin gor help but its a sure thing u paying them back so wjy not ask and lift some stress i sure ppl will understnad with ballooning guest lists broken drieres and money just not happening lie it was sposta thats all i can really think of
unless you know a way to cut cost …. like maybe doing a dummy cake *one layer real the otehrs not and using desserts or a sheet cake to make up for the giving it out
ahhh you could try doing ur own hair and make up or having the brides maids do each others *it always works out better when someone else does someones hair* most women are pretty capable with their own heads
ahh you could borrow acciessories form the day form family memebrs and make it speical instead of buying new stuff … make ur something old a fav pair of shoes
Post # 9
@MrsSkeletonKey: I never thought that we could invite 112 and make it back down to 65, and I was OK with that. I knew that we would have more than 65 at our wedding- it’s this financial crisis that’s caused the real stress……
Post # 10
@Kissed_by_lightning: I don’t really have a way to cut costs- I am NOT doing my own hair (I have difficult hair) and I am already pretty simple with everything else- nothing over the top. Technically, I have a place I can “borrow” money from- and yes, I know everything will be back on track after wedding- but I HATE to go to that place. REALLY HATE. LOL
Post # 11
You aren’t crazy and you shouldn’t feel bad! DH seriously did a happy dance every time one of our “obligatory” people declined. We also wanted a smaller wedding but ended up with a larger wedding due to the sizes of our family and some guests being pushed on us. We were sad about a couple of the declines but TBH we were a bit happy about some of them 😉
Post # 12
@MrsEME: That’s understandable.
I went through a bit of a situation in our wedding planning that was stressful financially as well. Car cost $700 to fix, had to pay $400 for new tires on top of that, & found out my medication cost was upped to $140 a month.
You’ll make it through though, & your wedding will be great.
Post # 13
@MrsSkeletonKey: May I ask if you have any tips?
We already know exactly what’s coming in the door between now and our wedding- and we know approx what we have to put out each month…..and it doesn’t leave any wiggle room. So other then borrow money (which is seriously, the LAST thing I wanted to do for our wedding- I don’t want to wake up the day of our wedding OWING people LOL), I don’t have any ideas……..
Post # 14
Post # 15
@MrsEME: Do you have any vendors that you have yet to give deposits to & sign a contract? There are some things you can definitely live without, such as a pro makeup artist or a hair stylist (if wearing your hair down & curly is an option).
It’s going to sound rude, but we had to let our bridal party know that we wouldn’t be giving them gifts. We had already spent $100 on each bouquet & $60 on their accessories for my BM’s, plus $30 on each groomsmen’s bout & tie. We instead asked them not to get us any wedding gifts & we gave them really personalized cards. They ended up surprising us a scrapbook which was one of our favorite gifts, & one of their wives made our favors, which were cookies & fruit tarts.
You can also forgo things like bathroom baskets, favors, extra decor on tables, see if you can downgrade the menu, not use china & instead use nice thick plastic, & perhaps see if your photographer would cut an hour or two & not do getting ready pics or the tail end of the reception. (we only had our photographer for 4hrs & that seemed doable, although 5 might have been better). We also didn’t have a DJ, which I don’t entirely recommend, but if you make sure the guests know that requests for music won’t be taken then you can just put the music on autoplay & leave the damn thing alone. Also, you can put a lock on the ipod so that people can’t mess with it & make sure you and one other responsible person are the only one with the password.
I have lots of ways that we kept our 100 person wedding to just over 6k (it was actually quite nice too, for that budget). If you PM me with some details about your big day, I could help you in any way I am able.
Post # 16
@MrsSkeletonKey: Daaaaaaaaang you only spend 6k for a 100 person wedding!?? I am in awe. We are planning only 50-60 people and it is looking more and more like we will have to spend about 10k which I am NOT happy about. At all.