- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
I have no friends.
I mean, I have people I grew up with and highschool and have drifted a part form, and still talk to. I used to have two really close bff’s, and then I outgrew them — not to say that in a rude way, but one of them was a major sh*t talker, and still is, and I decided that I didn’t want that drama in my life. The other decided to drop me like a used tissue when she found someone who was more into partying and didn’t hold her to such high standards (which, is BS, but I’ll explain in a minute.)
Now I have like 8 distant friends — people I used to hang with or be close to, and have on facebook, but don’t hang out with very more unless there’s some kind of party going on. We still invite each other because, while we all know we’re not close like we were, no one wants to say it and so we all pretend like we’re all BFFs because no one wants to come out and say “Yeah, I know I haven’t seen you in 6 months, and we USED to be BFFs, but you’re more like an acquintance these days so….” But no, we all pretend like it’s senior year of high school and we still know each other so well.
But I know I don’t have any of these girls to turn to. They are all Best friends with each other and close with certain people within the group, but not me. I don’t have one person from high school or work that I am close with. Everyone has a best friend that’s not me, and I don’t have anyone.
I wish I could say that I wasn’t the problem, it’s a bit of both. As I mentioned in the beginning of the post, I am not a partier and I guess I come off as somewhat of a prude or “too good” because I don’t want to partake in drinking every weekend and getting high or whatever they do. I’m a bit of a old soul and homebody. I like to hang out with my SO and watch tv, play games, and just relax. I occasionally like to have a party and go dancing and such, but not every day!
Also, I feel like me being close with my SO pushed a lot of them away — they were very immature when it came to me being with him, trying to control how often I should see him, and being whiney if I’d bring him along. I wasn’t with him all the time, but if I made plans with him and they wanted to do something the same day after I already had, they’d throw a fit. Let’s not mention how I was the last one to get a boyfriend in this group of friends, and was often left out from their group dates. Let’s also mention that they were worse than me when it came to never hanging out with anyone else! I just did what I thought was normal (i wasin highschool. Give me a break.)
I’m not saying I’m perfect – I have a bit of a no BS personality — if I think you’re doing something wrong, I’ll tell you, If I don’t agree with something, I’ll say it, and when I go out of my way for you, I expect the same. I’m always honest (politely) and I guess one of my ex-BFF’s (the one who talks behind my back) said that I am “Too hard on her and I am too hard to please.” All I ask is that she be a friend to me, but instead she’d rather talk behind my back instead of to my face. I am always her shoulder to cry on, but I have never cried on anyone’s shoulder because, well frankly, they made it clear they don’t care….
Anyway, I guess I just wanted some place to vent. All this “Waiting to be proposed to” talk and pre-planning thoughts make me realize I am so alone. I don’t have anybody to be a bridesmaid — I mean, I could put them in, but I wish I could have someone who was close to me, who cared about me, who really understood me as a person in my wedding party.
(Oh, and I forgot, the reason I felt the need to post this was because I found out one of my “clsoe friends” had a party last weekend and didn’t even ask me to come. it really stung. Reality check)
I need a group of friends who just really udnerstand me and have the same kind of values as me. I feel like when I get together with my old friends, we all turn into the high school drama-fest it once was, and I hate it. I don’t fit in anymore, and I’ve tried re-connecting, and it’s not working.
So Bees, any advice on making new friends? Meeting people who understand me and have the same values as I do? I’ve been trying not to cry all morning just thinking about how I somehow got myself in the situation where my only friend is my SO.
Thank you for reading.