(Closed) This is kind of complicated and I don’t know where to post it

posted 11 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 17
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Just wondering what beliefs you have that don’t line up with Christianity? 🙂

Post # 18
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

WOW. CurrentMrsTal, by now, I presume? I have just come across this site, so I realise I am picking up this discussion very late, but I am in EXACTLY the same boat as you, and I can’t believe there is someone else out there who has gone through or is going through the same thing! I would love to know what you decided and how everything worked out for you.

My fiance is also very spiritual and not into “organised religion”, but we have come to believe the same way. We both come from Christianity (me Orthodox- him pretty non-denominational) and long story short- after extensive study and research we realised we identified so much more with the Jewish faith. We are now keeping a pretty “Jewish” household together and agree on how we want to raise our kids for the most part- BUT- although he is supportive of my desire to “legally” convert to Judaism, he doesn’t understand it, and doesn’t see the need. I have wondered whether I would be allowed to convert, being engaged to a non-Jew. I would love to hear any updates you may have on how everything worked out for you?

Post # 19
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsDibs: Oh! I am brand new to the site- I think I was supposed to reply to you, and not just post the comment 🙂

Post # 20
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Anthony’s Fine Dining

My sister recently took a conversion class at our synagogue…we’re Jewish, but neither of us were bat mitzvahed.  She took the class to learn a little more about our faith and to determine more specifically what her beliefs were.  The rabbi even held a naming ceremony for her when the series of classes were over so that it wouldn’t be anti-climactic for her compared to what everyone else was going through!

With this experience in mind, my advice is to be sure to shop around.  Conversion, anything related to religion for that matter, is a very personal and intimate thing.  Make sure you find a rabbi who suits your needs and whom you feel connected with as he/she leads you on this journey.  Also, as previous posters have mentioned, many Jews feel that being Jewish is not something you can convert to.  Many feel that even with religious training, what binds the Jewish people together is history.  For this reason, I would suggest looking into reform synagogues, rather than something more traditional.  This way, you’ll feel more accepted and the existing members of the synagogue are less likely to be offended.

Good luck with everything, and congratulations on your decision!  Keep us posted 🙂

Post # 22
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ah I just read your update. Congrats!

Post # 23
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@MrsDibs: This is really so encouraging! Thanks for the book suggestion; I’ll definitely check it out. I still hold out hope that my Fiance will (completely on his own) change his mind about officially converting- it is early days yet. As you say- if we are both living the lifestyle and beliefs- making it official shouldn’t make a difference, but he is very sceptical of anything “organised” rather than spiritual and faith based.

Our wedding date is not set in stone yet (some time in 2011), but we’ve struggled with how to approach the ceremony. Although most of our family is very supportive of our new beliefs and lifestyle, some of them (on both sides)- not so much at all. We recently decided that however we do the ceremony (whether leaving certain Christian things out, or incorporating certain Jewish things), we will be offending someone or opening ourselves up to criticism. We don’t mind this, we have dealt with it plenty of times this year anyway, but we realised that if it was just about us, we would probably just elope (I am not a traditional bride to be in the slightest).  We’re having a wedding for the families. If we’re planning on shocking and upsetting people, we may as well just as easily skip the whole thing (and he’s not willing to do that- I have suggested it many times).

So we’ve come to the conclusion that our ceremony itself will be private- just us. I think we’ll find a non-religious officiant, get married, sign a ketubah, and then do the “wedding” part, where we’ll walk down the aisle together and have a “blessing” or something under a Chuppah.  Haven’t ironed out all the details yet, but this is the direction we are feeling most comfortable heading in.

juliaelizabeth3, thank you so much for the encouragement and advice! I will be sure to take it to heart. I was researching reform synagogues for exactly the reasons you’ve pointed out- I’m a bit of a sensitive girl at heart so rejection from a people I feel so connected to would break my heart! Thankfully, I actually look Jewish (we can’t prove it conclusively yet, but my brother and I have found what we think might be proof we have Jewish roots on my mom’s side). Will that help at all? Smile

Post # 24
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Anthony’s Fine Dining

Haha that’s too funny!  Ummm, it can’t hurt I suppose 🙂 My dad is actually Irish/Catholic and I unfortuantely inherited a lot of his traits instead of my mom’s beautiful olive skin…so I get the “Red hair and freckles?!  You don’t LOOK Jewish!” a lot.

It’s a tough situation because there is so much tradition and pride involved, but in my opinion, if you feel such a connection to the faith and your heart is in the right place, it will work out.  Good luck!

Post # 25
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

View original reply
@Lili Maritz: My mom, brother and I all converted to Judaism (my brother and I when we were very young) but my mom and I have spoken a lot about the process and her experiences.  Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

View original reply
@MrsDibs: Congrats on your wedding and good luck with the process!

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