Post # 1
Well… Another solution to the “Let’s stare at walls!” dilemma shot down. No games, no alcohol, no dancing (not by design, but because only three of us dance), no karaoke… Because my mom says “receptions are to sit there and talk. You’re not supposed to have other stuff to do.” I talk to these people on a regular basis. What is the POINT of a reception? I want to CELEBRATE my wedding, but I’m not allowed.
At my brother’s wedding 80% of the conversation I heard centered around “when can we leave? Is it rude to leave this early?” Oh yeah, that was a fun wedding.
My Fiance says it’s my day. It’s MY event. If it’s my event, why do I want to cry when I think about attending it? I don’t care about colors or decorations or dresses or flowers or toasts or any of that. I just want to get married and celebrate.
Maybe I can cut our reception to an hour and a half (it’s at 2 1/2 hours now) and my Fiance and I can go out afterwards. But he won’t like that idea. No honeymoon, no dancing, nothing other than making awkward conversation.
Post # 3
Well, I think even if most people don’t dance you can still do music. That way if you or anyone else feels like it, they/you can dance.
And it will also help create a nice atmosphere for those that do want to just talk.
And I’m not totally opposed to you do something that your mom may not neccesarily go for…..
I’ve heard of receptions that assigned each table a song and when that song played they were encouraged/compelled that table to dance!
This went over really well at brunch receptions where dancing isn’t as much as evening receptions.
I think you and your Fiance should agree on how ya’ll want ya’lls day and do that! It’s a great way for you two to establish being unified and supporting whats on the others heart =)
Post # 4
@cyneswith: That sounds absurd. Sure a reception is for talking but there are several key things that are usually a part of them
- ….and conversation
I’ve never seen a reception without three out of the four. That’s what people usually go for. I am so sorry that your mom is being unreasonable. Is there a reason she believes this? When was the last time she went to a wedding out of curiousity?
Post # 5
You could show a slide-show of you both as children, pics of you both as your relationship progressed. People will give speeches about the two of you…it will be a lot like a “regular” reception just with out the drinks and dancing!
Post # 6
Could you have fun cards at the tables? Maybe a trivial pursuit or other trivia questions about you as a couple and growing up? Or just games in general?
Post # 7
This sums up my view of “regular” receptions. This is supposed to be a celebration of a lifetime. Why can it only include as much cheer as our family’s funerals?
The last wedding my mom went to was my brother’s. They had alcohol, and tried to have dancing… but no one in my family dances. It was awkward and miserable. My mom had a cake-and-punch reception, so that’s what she wanted me to have. However, a lot of my friends who are local to the wedding work Saturdays, and I wanted it after they get off work. Wish I’d known every idea I had was gonna be shot down – then I wouldn’t have cared if I had to visit half a dozen people at work to include them in the day. 🙁
My MOH’s husband says “is her mom TRYING to ruin her wedding?” MOH says if it’s a dud, we are going out afterwards, she’s DDing, and I am getting drunk. Sounds like a plan.
Post # 8
@sonj818: Nope, games are banned by the mom and Fiance. Mom thinks they take up too much time. FI thinks they are too “over the top.”
Post # 9
Are ya’ll still doing the cake cutting, bouquet and garter toss? First dance with your husband? It seems a shame to cut your own reception short when you can still enjoy “traditions” that other people will enjoy as well.
What about reception “I Spy” or Mad Libs? I’ve been to a wedding before that didn’t have dancing, and it wasn’t bad at all.
Why can’t you have alcohol? Are your parents paying for the wedding?
Post # 10
Your situation sounds very strange and awkward. What about canceling the reception all together? Or cutting it down severely? Then you could go out with friends afterwards and actually have fun!
Post # 11
sounds to me you need to take matters into your hands and make a reception that you and your Fiance want to have not what other think! Your post is so sad…nothing is hapy…..why allow this to continue? Fight for what you want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 12
What about including little “props” that might spark people to talk?
I was at a wedding that had Q & A about the couple on the tables
Where did the couple meet?
What are their middle names?
You can easily add this into the decor (or have someone else do it since you don’t want to).
Also, hand out fortune cookies…seriously. We were just an an italian wedding with fortune cookies (WTF) and they kept people talking for at least an hour. Silly, but worked.
Post # 13
So the other guests at the wedding NEVER dance? Who cares its your wedding so if you enjoy dancing then by all means you should dance and get your wedding party to dance too and trust me the guests will join in too!
Post # 14
My Fiance doesn’t dance unless he’s drunk. He enjoys it, but he’s terrible at it, and he doesn’t relax enough to dance for more than 20 seconds until he’s had roughly five shots. He’s willing (but reluctant) to do ONE session of dance lessons, because he knows I want to dance. But I don’t want to force him into it. I also don’t want him to bob awkwardly for 20 seconds then wander off leaving me alone on the dance floor.
We are doing the cake cutting, but not the bouquet/garter tosses. (Other than his immediate family, all our single guests have sworn to STAY single. Or are under 10.)
Bells – my brother and SIL tried that. It was just them and the two other BMs on the dance floor (I had no partner, and I didn’t know the other BMs). My brother danced with me once (we both do jive dancing.)
Yes, my mom is paying (there was no discussion – she said she was paying, end of story. This was why I wanted to elope, so I wouldn’t have to deal with her for wedding planning. If I paid for it, she’d get offended and not talk to me until I was pregnant. And Fiance wouldn’t hear of eloping. I’ve planned like I was paying out of pocket from my VERY limited income, so it’s as cheap as an evening wedding gets. Under $5K.) She and my dad are t-totalers, so they are NOT purchasing any alcohol. The reception venue doesn’t allow people to bring in alcohol, and their wine starts at $27 a bottle – too pricey for me (my favorite wine costs $3 a bottle. Mmm, strawberry rose…)
Beluga – I am seriously considering cutting the reception down to an hour and a half.
Post # 15
Do it. I’m all for calling the bluff of unreasonable people, and your mother is being unreasonable. If she wants a reception with no alcohol, no dancing, and no games, then give her the bare minimum and go do your own thing. At this point it’s hardly “your” reception any more, so just do what you need to do to make her happy and then go have fun with the people who really want to celebrate your wedding.
Post # 16
My Fiance and I aren’t having dancing, drinks or anything but its more because we are having an early wedding.. we are also doing “I Spy” to get the guests up and moving. We will probably include more “games” but not sure right now. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time! 🙁