Post # 1
So to sum thing up. Me and my boyfriend got together at 13 and still happily are. We both studied and are living together for 5 years now. Now where 28 and finnaly both starting out in the real world but had allot of economic setbacks…
mainly me because I constantly can only find temp jobs and can’t really move forward in that department. Next to that we are emotially so ready to take those next steps, marriage, kids, owning a house the whole lot but as it looks right now it isn’t happing for us in the near future mainly becaus of financial reasons. (Tiny unhealthy appartment ect)
And meanwhile every friend I ever had is getting maried and the whole shabang after 2 years being in a relationship and I’m watching from the sidelines. I used to be able to not be jealous or shake it…. but lately I seem to feel so sad everytime I’m confronted with the fact that this year will be together for 16 years and haven’t got the means to start a family. . .
sometimes it feels like it’s the only thing I’m looking forward to in life because I’m failing so hard career wise for two years now.
Post # 2
oliveasea : while I sympathise about your financial issues, there’s no reason you can’t be *married* right now. Going to a Justice of the Peace costs very little…
Post # 3
mrstodd2bee : I know and I would love for that to happen but my man has this vision of how he want’s that perfect marriage and doens’t want us to settle… I respect it and I get it because I feel similar but also totally the opposit when I get confronted with it. I just feel kinda lost about It.
Post # 4
oliveasea : Life isn’t perfect, as you well know due to your employment situation, and nor is marriage.
You can pull together a wedding that costs very little. It’s about the 2 of you not the show you can put on. I say give it a shot.
Post # 5
Can you have a back yard wedding somewhere and make a bunch of food for the guests? I’ve seen many weddings like that. Some even had friends do the DJ’ing. It’s about celebrating with each other and those you love. I think once you take that first step in marriage, you might feel more comfortable making the next steps. I didn’t have the venue I wanted for my wedding, but we did end up having it at a church by my house. There were prettier venues, but hey…we said our vows in front of our friends and family, we danced, we ate, we had cake. It doesn’t need to be an extravagant event if you can’t afford it. But at least you will be married and have what you desire…
Post # 6
my man has this vision of how he wants that perfect marriage and doesn’t want us to settle
He’s quite happy for you to go indefinitely as you are then , till such time as you do have money to spend on a big wedding, no matter how sad you feel about it ? Frankly OP, I don’t think that is good enough. Some compromise is called for .
You call him your boyfriend, so you are not even engaged ? I suspect this boyish dream of a big wedding may be covering a more serious aversion to marriage committment.
I hope I’m wrong of course, but the fact is we rarely marry our childhood ( literally in your case) sweethearts. If you are dead certain it is him and only him you can imagine marrying , then I would have a very serious talk with him, laying our your desires for an engagement , marriage and children plus a timeline and see how he reacts.