(Closed) This is probably a really stupid question but…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have never heard a good justification, and I honestly couldn’t care less if someone wants to wear white to my wedding.  The closest thing to a “justification” I have heard is that some people feel it messes up the photos but I think people can still figure out who the bride is, even 20 years later, plus a good photographer should be able to work around that.

Post # 4
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve always assumed it’s rude because the tradition is partly to identify the bride in a crowd and by wearing white you’re attempting to steal some of the bridal spotlight for yourself. I also think at this point it’s rude because everyone knows it’s rude, it’s a bit of a catch-22. I’m sure one of the bees more versed in etiquette could give a much better explanation though!

Post # 5
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Because at a wedding only the bride should wear white. 

Post # 6
Member
46678 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is considered rude for a female guest to wear an outfit that is either mostly or all white (especially a white dress), if white is the color that the bride is wearing. When a female guest does so, it seems as if she is trying to take attention away from the bride. Some guests might even view a female guest wearing white as “competing” with the bride, or trying to “upstage” her.

Post # 7
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s just a social custom. It doesn’t need to make sense. Few customs really do. It’s usually seen that the bride wears white to stand out (althought the ballgown usually takes care of that) and guests wearing white are seen as trying to steal attention from the bride. Some brides get more cahgt up in this than others and some parts of the country (US) even have traditions against wearing red and black as well. But I think the most consistent rule is not wearing white and it’s intense because it’s well known. That being said, it’s not like I would pitch a fit if someone wore a white dress to my wedding.

Post # 8
Member
46678 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

double post

 

Post # 9
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

it’s just common courtesy and a social custom, it doesn’t look nice when you’re seen as trying to steal the bride’s spotlight.

and really, of all the dresses and of all the days of the year, does a guest really need to wear a white dress on that one day?  come one now…

Post # 10
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What I totally don’t understand is, if another woman wearing white is seen as “trying to steal the bride’s thunder”, why is another man showing up in a tux not seen as “trying to steal the groom’s thunder”?   It is, after all, the wedding day for both the bride and the groom, and it is FAR harder to pick the groom in a photo of six guys in suits than it is to pick the bride from a photo of six women in white.

 

Post # 11
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@fishbone:  There’s a lot less variety in men’s formalwear than in women’s.  I think that’s just a matter of practicality.  Plus, generally, a bridal gown will be much more formal than what guests are expected to wear, whereas a lot of grooms are choosing regular suits over tuxes now, which is what male wedding guests expect to wear too.  If a random male guest showed up to a non-black-tie wedding in a tux, it would look a little funny.

Generally, though, the not wearing white thing is just a social custom, like wearing black to a funeral.  Certain colors have certain traditional connotations, and this is one of them.

Post # 12
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee

@fishbone:  I think it also dates back to when marriage was viewed as a woman leaving her family to join her husband’s, and as a result was viewed as a “bigger” day for her. 

Post # 13
Member
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@fishbone:  I think it’s mostly because guys just don’t care. If a groom wants to stand out her can. I’ve seen some that wear a different color tux or suit than the groomsmen, but I’ve found that most don’t care.

Post # 14
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Well if a guest wearing white to my wedding is going to take away attention from me (bride), I’m all for it.  Ugggg I hate attention!

Post # 15
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JenGirl:  But with so many brides who focus on every detail of what the groom is wearing— down to the socks— why are none of the brides pitching a fit when Uncle Mikey shows up in a tux?  It just makes no sense.  If a bride cares enough to monitor the groom’s socks and is obsessed with no one stealing her thunder, why’s she not care if someone shows up dressed like the groom?  

Post # 16
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have seen pictues of “all white” weddings where guests were asked to wear all white or off-white.  It is supposed to be pure  and airy… and it looks great with casual outdoor wedding venues

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