(Closed) This is really hard…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Holy Cow! You do have a packed summer. While it is a tough schedule, it’s awesome that you have so many fun events planned. Don’t forget to take a little time for yourself – if you can find it.

If I’m understanding correctly(?) your boyfriend hasn’t yet proposed and you want him to propose at an engagment party at the Lake House with everyone around. (I could be completely off the mark here). But if I’m right, my thought is perhaps he’s not comfortable with that and maybe he’s planning a big surprise to pop the question. That could be why he’s so elusive about nailing down some concrete plans? Just a thought. Maybe give it a day or two then bring it up again. Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, that’s some schedule you have (I thought mine was bad)!  I’m not fully understanding what the problem is here, other than the fact that maybe you need to take some time for yourself (like @suza says).  Why do you need to schedule time for a proposal??  Isn’t that up to your boyfriend?  He may have some ultra romantic idea for a proposal already and just wants it to be a surprise.  I think you may be overthinking this whole thing.  Let things roll on their own, and everything will work out in the end.  Things like a marriage proposal shouldn’t be penciled into your calendar… IMO, the best ones are the spontaneous, unexpected ones!  🙂

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Honestly?  If I were you, I’d be happy that my biggest problem is having a jam-packed summer with (what seem like) very fun events with friends and family, and I’d stop worrying about how to plan my engagement party until I was actually engaged!

 

Sorry if that seems harsh, but I really don’t see what the problem is here.  If you intend to marry this man, you will have much bigger issues to deal with than this.  I’m sure things will calm down after Labour Day.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Labor Day, sorry.  British 🙂

Post # 8
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You can plan to hold the engagement party after you are engaged. I’d consider the possibility that a proposal is a matter of "if" more than "when".

Post # 9
Member
20 posts
Newbee

I agree with the posters above.  It sounds like you have a lot of fun things planned this summer. You don’t know what his plans are and you should STOP trying to figure them out or schedule them nicely into your life.  What if he has something big planned during one of your trips?  

My friend got proposed to during a cross country road trip.  So you just never know.

Post # 10
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Well, from the sound of it, you don’t actually have any plans for the weekends of 4th July, last weekend of July, second weekend in August, 29th August, or Labor Day, so that’s plenty of time to spend with your boyfriend.  And I’m guessing that you’ll be going to at least of those weddings together.  Then there’s weekdays as well.  I’m sure you’ll have more time together than you think.  Plus a lifetime of summers together.

And I’d really try to put the ‘ideal’ proposal timetable out of your mind if I were you.  You’ll most likely just stress yourself out, and then be disappointed come Labor Day when it hasn’t happened.  You never know, he could propose on a Tuesday morning over coffee, and it would still be the most romantic moment of your life 🙂

Just enjoy the time you do have together – it’s more than a lot of people get, and at least it’s doing fun things, rather than say, working every weekend.

Post # 11
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

CHK, it sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed because you’ve just realized that you’re a little overcommitted this summer.  Is it possible to reschedule some of these visits for another time, or to have everyone come up at the same time to avoid perpetually hosting people?  Also, unless you’re going out of town for them, all these weddings are realistically only one night out of the weekend, and you will be spending that time with your boyfriend (and besides, aren’t weddings supposed to be love-filled and romantic events?).  

If you’re feeling like you’ve been pushed into giving up your free time this summer, be assertive and reschedule things as best you can to give yourself a little more breathing room. 

Post # 12
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I’d say back off the idea of an engagement party. Enjoy your summer and stop trying to "plan" your engagement. You’re going to wind up disappointed; either when he does propose during your timetable and afterward you feel like it was forced, unromantic, etc or, when he doesn’t propose within your timetable.

If you want to have a party, have a party. But with your summer as regimented as it is, let this one thing, the proposal, happen on its own. 

Post # 13
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I bet you he’s got something planned and is trying to keep it a total surprise. Just chill and enjoy the time you’ll get to spend with friends and family this summer! It will be fine. And, yeah, forget about planning the engagement party right now.

Post # 15
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think that you’re letting all of these events overwhelm you, when your real issue is that you’re anxious to get engaged.  So I don’t totally understand the whole, "waiting for him to propose if you’ve already decided to get married" thing, so take my advice with that in mind.  But I do think that it’s a good idea not to miss the forest for the trees so to speak.  Getting married is a huge deal, and it can be very frustrating to feel that you have no control over that.  That’s legitimate, and you don’t need to dismiss those feelings.  My Fiance was ready to get married almost a year before I was, and I can’t imagine how that must have felt for him.  I think it’s important that he understand where you’re coming from, but I also think it’s important to allow him his space.  Are you sure that he’s already planning to propose (I couldn’t tell from your post)?  I mean, is this just about the logistics or is there a real question in your mind about his intentions?  If it’s the former, maybe you go ahead and plan for that engagement party at the end of the summer.  You’ve already decided to get married, the ring will appear in its own time.  If the latter, well then that’s something you really do need to discuss at least a bit.  But speaking as the one who dragged her feet, I would say that pushing him or rushing him isn’t going to help your situation. He let me know where he stood, and that he was willing to wait until I got there (not forever, but he’d check in with me if something changed).  I just needed the space and time to be ready to get *married*.  For me it actually had a lot more to do with being married than it did with marrying my Fiance.  He’s a paragon of patience (how could he not be and still be with me?)…and he didn’t push at all.  Not everyone is that patient, but I still think it’ll help you in the long run to give him the space he may need.

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