(Closed) This is rude…right? (FMIL story)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Maybe she was just making a statement and didn’t mean to offend? I can see it being taken either way.

Post # 5
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@miz fizzix: I can relate. Fiance has a younger sister, but she’s no where near ready for marriage and Future Mother-In-Law has said things like that several times. Fiance says it’s all in good fun, but I’m very up front with her and told her to not make jokes like that because it’s rude. I call her out in front of everyone. We’ve had our differences before so I’m not really scared to call her out anymore. My suggestion is to maybe ask Fiance to say something to her about how it hurts your feelings.

Post # 6
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t see it as being rude at all. It’s still mostly thought that the bride’s family pays for the wedding, and many families that have only sons often mention being relieved about not having to pay. While I don’t agree with that thinking, I don’t see it changing any time soon.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

Post # 7
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

my Future Mother-In-Law is exactly like yours! I think this comment is unacceptable. My fiance’s family is also well off and my parents are divorced and mty mom has always done everything she could to do the best for my brother and i…. before we got engaged my fiance told his parents that if we had to get married my parents wouldn’t be able to pay and then when we did get engaged, his mother acted shocked and surprised that we wouldn’t be able to pay for it and she made so many comments that embarrassed my poor mother (i wasn’t there when this happened but my mom doesn’t exaggerate and his mom does ) and I am so upset that i didn’t say anything to her about this sooner… she has made my mom feel like a little piecve of sh1t and I will never ever forgive her for this… the worst part is, she is nice to my face! everything is about money for her and it’s all about the show and what her friends will think! I have had the worst time of my life with all of this wedding planning and I am really really looking forward to the day after the wedding…. you shouldn’t put up with her commenmts and next time she says something like that you should put her in her place – you don’t need to be rude but i think that she will be shocked and will think twice before bringing that kind of thing up again… especially in front of the WHOLE family!

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I read that as her making kind of a joke, but I wasn’t there to hear her tone. Repeat after me: let it go, let it go, let it go. You don’t want to be seeking out percieved slights with your Mother-In-Law or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

and I am sorry but I think this whole business of “the bride pays” is bullshit  – it’s so old fashioned and there are so many brides who just can’t afford it so what are u supposed to do? does it make your parents bad people because they didn’t save all their life for your wedding? so what?! it’s one day!!!! why must they be treated like criminals because of this? it pisses me off so much…. what are u supposed to do if you have no money? rob a bank? bankrupt yourself? why cant they just be a little more sensitive….

whatever money they have, money CANNOT buy class!!!!!!

I am so mad after reading your post because I know exactly what you’tre going through…..

sorry… i am just very sensitive on this topic…

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe she’s just letting you know … there will be no contributions to your wedding from them…. HOWEVER .. if that’s the game she’s playing the grooms family is usually responsible for the Rehersal dinner, flowers and music at the reception… so you can drop that bomb on her … three times she has to do that .. LUCKY HER

Post # 11
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@HisIrishPrincess: good point!!!! and if you pay for it yourself, she can stay out of all the plans too!! it gets better!! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I obviously wasn’t there to hear it, but it definitely sounds like her comment was passive-aggressive rude.  However, I agree with PP that you should let it go.  If she continues with this type of behavior, then pull her aside and tell her how hurtful it is.  And don’t include her in ANY wedding planning–see how much she likes being the mother of boys thenSmile

Post # 13
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

It sounds like maybe it was a badly made joke…what did your SO feel about it, considering he hasn’t proposed yet? I would think that would have made him feel pressured/uncomfortable too. I’d let it go and rejoice in the fact that you will get to make all decisions during planning without having to worry about the risk of “my money my way” input from her.

Post # 16
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would take that as her trying to tell you they will not be paying in a “joking” manner. You and your fiance paying may be a good thing since his mother will have no say in how or what you decide to do!

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