Post # 1
I needed about a month of practice to get my license. My future in-laws were helping me practice but had to leave town for five months to help with their mother after she was diagnosed with cancer. I haven’t been anywhere near my car since they left – FI’s car broke down and he needed to drive mine and I didn’t have another person I was comfortable with and with the experience required by the province to be a co-driver for a learner driver.
I feel abandoned and upset because of this, and angry and guilty for feeling this way. I know I need to get over it, but I just can’t seem to get past it. When I think about driving and how close I got to reaching my goal, I cry. I feel pathetic and small for getting so upset about this. When I don’t think about it, I’m fine. As soon as I do, the tears, anger and guilt all come rushing back.
No one really knows to the extent this bothers me. When FI asks me why I’m crying I tell him there’s no point in him knowing because he can’t fix it. I think my mom suspects, but until I ask for help, she won’t do anything.
I don’t know if I want a pat on the head and someone telling me everything is going to be okay, or a kick in the head for being such a selfish cow. Maybe both.
To anyone who stumbles on this, thanks for listening, even if it is just to kick me in the head.
Post # 3
@angeluscado: Do you feel comfortable with your FI while you drive? If so, is there a reason he is not helping? If not, could you go to a driving school?
Post # 4
@julies1949: He doesn’t have the requisite amount of experience according to the licensing regulations here (over 25 and a Class 5 license… he has a Class 7, or “New Driver” license), otherwise I’d be all over that. We registered for lessons together (full package, classroom lessons and in-car instruction), so I’ve been through the lessons. My instructor was awesome and had so much confidence in me – if I could afford another round, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
Post # 5
@angeluscado: Girl, come on. Your Mom won’t help till you ask, eh? Well then ask! Is this some sort of misguided pride thing? You want to make sure people just go out on their own volition to help you 100% of the time, on your own terms, instead of having to nudge them some? You think people need to just love you enough to go out of their way and always approach you, or it doesn’t count somehow?
Sheesh, just start asking people to be driving buddies with you, this isn’t exactly an immovable object here. Stop being so fatalistic honey! I am sorry you feel so miserable over this, but it is so easily fixable that I think a bit of a boot to the behind is, in fact, what you need. And STOP telling your fi “oh you can’t fix it, so it doesn’t matter.” Yeah, because bottling up your feelings and worries and stopping the flow of communication when you are upset to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with is totally a good idea. -_- Things ARE going to be OK, because tomorrow you are going to ask your mother or someone else for help, get out of your depressed bubble, and continue working on getting your license.
Post # 6
@arabbel: +1, I’d just ask my mom rather than be all stressed about it.
Post # 7
@angeluscado: You can`t take the test after having the full driving package? They really have changed things so much since I got my licence! You could get a learner’s and the full thing within a day of each other.
What about just purchasing extra in-car driving lessons? I saw you said you couldn’t afford it, but did you check into the price? The extra practice might be cheaper.
Post # 8
Yes, you do need to get over it. Period.
1. Ask a good friend (or neighbour etc) and PAY them for it. Pay less than a driving school obviously but if you are paying them for it then it is more likely to be a productive lesson.
2. Ask your mother! Swallow your pride and just do it. Once you have your licence it will be all behind you.
3. Advertise on Craigslist or similar to find someone to teach you. Risky but could be awesome.
4. Organise a trip to go see your in-laws and practice a TON whilst there.
5. Find some private property (like a large shopping car park at night) on which to drive with your FI teaching you. Standard road rules don’t apply.
6. Double check how expensive more lessons would be.
Post # 9
You are an adult and its important to drive. Everyone is terrified for the first little while. I was paniced and believe me, i have messed up and hit plenty of things.
BUt practice makes perfect.
Post # 10
@angeluscado: Hello BC buddy! Ahh the graduated licensing system. In a lot of ways, its a good system but its a frustrating system if you don’t have the right kind of drivers available at your beck and call! I mean that totally honestly. I never EVER would have learned to drive with my Mom, we are just not compatible enough for that. I was a lucky one, my step-dad is a professional driver and teacher and was willing to teach me and if he hd had to bacl out sortly before I got my test, I would have been a little frustrated and hurt too! Its a lot of work to get your way through all the testing and licensing!
How long have you have your L for? If you only need a bit more practice and you feel mostly comfortable, get your Mom to take you back out on the road! Remember that confidence your driving instructor had with you and infuse yourself with it. You CAN do this!
Get your hours in so you can go pass the test with flying colours and start working your way through your time with you class 7!
You’ll be taking trading that L for an N in no time girl! *cheers*
Post # 11
@Everdeen: Yes, you do need to get over it. Period.
This times a million. ASK YOUR MOM FOR HELP. I do not understand what’s forcing you to sit there and cry instead of asking for help, knowing that you won’t get it unless you ask.
Post # 12
@lalalyanne: I’ve had my L on and off since I was 16, but this is the first time I really took it seriously. The reason why I wasn’t able to get my license before now was because both of my parents make me feel nervous when they’re in that passenger seat and we didn’t have the money for professional lessons. I was mostly comfortable – the only real issue I had was parallel parking – but I’ve been off the road since November and I’m not sure how much my muscle memory remembers.
@Everdeen: As stated above, I can’t legally have FI help me. Because of how the licensing system here works, he does not have the correct license to legally be my co-driver. I have friends and family willing to help, but due to the licensing regulations, they either do not have the correct license or they’re not old enough, or both. I’ll consider talking to my mom about helping, but I can sense that she’s tense and nervous when I’m driving (even though I was a fairly good driver before all this happened) and because I can sense that, it makes me nervous when she’s sitting in that passenger seat. I have a hard enough time asking friends and family for help – fear of being let down again – that asking strangers over the internet for help is a last resort option I’m not willing to employ yet.
@arabbel: I have asked, and offered payment, but I’ve got no takers. The people who want to help can’t due to the regulations and the ones who can help in the sense that they have the correct license and are old enough, either make me nervous, I don’t know them well enough to be comfortable (friend’s spouse, friend of a friend, etc.), they live too far away or they’re too busy with their own stuff.
Post # 13
@angeluscado: I know that your FI can’t help you – legally. I am suggesting that you find PRIVATE property to drive on. In Australia (not sure about other parts of the world), if property is privately owned then regular licencing laws do not apply. I myself drove without a learner’s licence in a car park for a time. On private property, your FI could go with you. That is my suggestion.
You need to get over how nervous your mother makes you and be honest with her. TELL her that she makes you nervous, that might help her to realise that she isn’t hiding it very well and break the tension. Similar to how saying “well this is awkward” can break an awkward situation.
My suggestion? Do what my dad did. The first time we were driving along, he made sure no one was behind me, not going too fast and then just pulled on the hand brake (emergency brake?). This reassured both myself and him that if something DID happen, he could control the car if need be. Get your mother to do this.
Also, you fear other people letting you down? What’s the big deal? Your in-laws had to MOVE. They have a sick mother! It’s not like they left because you are a bad driver and they had to run away! Don’t be so silly as to cry over people letting you down. It’s not like they abandoned your child when they were meant to be babysitting. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not all about you. Get over it.
Look. There is some tough love from me above. BUT you WILL get your licence. You WILL. And then once you have it you’ll look back at this time in your life and laugh at how over dramatic you were being.
Post # 14
@angeluscado: Also, EVERYONE’S parents make them nervous. I don’t know a single person who said that they liked driving with their parents more than anyone else. This problem is not new and many hundreds of thousands of people have had the same one and gotten through it in the end.
Your children will have the same problem with you.
Post # 15
@Everdeen: I don’t want to be upset and feel abandoned. I hate it and I feel guilty for feeling this way. I’m pissed off a little ashamed at myself for being such a selfish cow. I’m trying to get over it. FMIL and her sister have been back for a while and have offered their services again, but my own brand of crazy coupled with stress and exhaustion at work and FI having my car until June or so because his car died have been stopping me from getting back on the road.
I have done some research, and the Motor Vehicle Act applies on privately owned property – licensing, road rules, etc. There is only one province where that doesn’t apply, and it’s a bit of a drive/flight away :P. While I’m pretty sure the cops have other things to worry about than lil ol’ me driving around a parking lot with an underlicensed driver, it’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
Post # 16
@angeluscado: Do you have any friends that are over 25 that could help you? I honestly think you’ll remember more than you think. Driving is about paying attention and vehicle control, its not rocket science! As long as you can be aware of your surroundings (which I’m sure you can) and steer, accelerate and brake the car, you’re golden! Just be mindful of the other people and stay out of the way and you’ll be fine! I don’t know you live in a big city or a small town but its BC, there’s not really anywhere in this province where the traffic is too difficult!
Have confidence in yourself! Forget everyone who tried and couldn’t help you. Its in the past, geater circumstances had to be dealt with, its a shitty hand but you can play it still!
Where there’s a will, there’s a way!