(Closed) This is so hard

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

first off, congratulations and of course he’s not a bad man! he might just be putting up a front with his “everything will be okay” philosophy. i’m sure this eats at him just as much and he DOES have a plan, which is more than a lot of guys. has he looked into going Federal civilian or private civilian? he might have better luck as Federal, especially if he has connections on base. it’s tough, especially since this is right after your wedding, but you really should try to maintain an open dialogue about this with him. you’re currently supporting the family and need to know what’s going on in his head – you both should be involved in actively planning your future. good luck to you both.

Post # 4
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@MissusTman:You are not alone, I manage a bank and I see it everyday. People may have enjoyed an upper middleclass life for years and a person gets sick, looses a job, business changes and their whole standard of living is turned upside down. Make sure you are never late on mortgage and if you have credit cards pay at least the minimum on time each month. You will be okay, trust me this will pass.

Post # 5
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

help him create a plan, but try not to be a nag. i know this is difficult – my fi is in school, and we’re living paycheck to paycheck off my paycheck too. help him look for jobs and work on his resume. make a plan that he will apply for x number of jobs every day. it will get better, you just have to hang in there. i’m sure he doesn’t feel great about you supporting him either, so try to be understanding but work together on mapping out a plan for him.

Post # 6
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is a really tough subject.  My husband and I (married 6 months) are basically living off of my paycheck.  We don’t have any children, but we do have a house and two cars and I have a student loan. 

The best thing for us was to establish a budget.  I sat down and identified all of our bills and then all of our expenses.  Be realistic here, don’t say you are going to only spend $100 eating out when really you will always blow that number and spend closer to $200 (just an example).  Add up all the expenses and get a total amount.  This is how much money you need to survive in a month.  This was our bare minimum.  Then I added in other things I wanted to save for (new car, new tires, new furniture, vacation, etc).  Once we got to the end total, we subtracted out my income (I am salary so its the same every month).  Anything else I was able to nicely explain to him he had to come up with (odd jobs etc) otherwise we had issues. 

We went on the Dave Ramsy “envelope” plan.  All of your grocery money, gas money, entertainment money, etc is cash in envelopes.  It really helped us stick to our monthly budget.  It still gets tight when its the end of the month but its worth it.  We also saved up $1,000 for an emergency fund.  This is only if an emergency happens (car breaks down, house repair, medical bill, etc).  Its nice to know that if those unexpected emergencies come up we can pay for them cash. 

Best of luck, communication is the key here!

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