- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I don’t want to think I’m blowing this out of proportion, but it’s all getting really out of hand from over here. I guess this is just a vent. Feel free to chime in.
Aforementioned self-centered bridesmaid (but friend since the 8th grade) has expressed her desire to NOT stay with the other bridesmaids (and me) the night before the wedding (and stay with boyfriend and other guests instead). Besides the fact that it would be fun, and the point, I am also worried about her being ready on time. It would be paid for, and and easy transition from the rehearsal to the hotel to the venue, especially since the other guests she is with are not invited to the rehearsal. (It is a morning wedding.)
I’ve offered a lot of things. Compromise on staying wherever she wanted the rest of the weekend, offer to fly her out early so that she could make sure to attend all the events. And I don’t believe I’ve been a bridezilla. Dress style their choice, rented, $50. Hair, nails, shoes all their own choice. I only expected the typical help-out and support. But I’m getting neither from her.
She asked: “What’s the benefit of staying together?” And I thought that saying: “Being with my best friends the night before I’m no longer single ever again” would be reason enough. And I’ve expressed how important it was to me multiple times, but the best I can get out of her so far is “we can stay in the same hotel and I’ll go back when it’s time to go to bed.”
My Maid/Matron of Honor asked her about it, essentially using the same words: I know it’s super important to her that we’re together, and we want you there. She replied with “I thought we already worked this out, but apparently not. If it’s really important to her where I sleep that night, I’ll stay with you guys.” Super passive aggressive…
This is not the only thing, and I was just approaching it like this was the only thing that hasn’t been great with her, to give her the chance to come out of it without more divulging, but apparently that didn’t resonate with her. She has also previously expressed she doesn’t believe I should be getting married at my age, and doesn’t believe in marriage in general. When I asked her, I told her she shouldn’t feel like this weekend was going to be a burden and she said she for sure wanted to do it. I’ve given her multiple chances to say that she DOES want to be here, but she never answers that part of my question.
Overall, I don’t feel like she wants to be a part of the weekend at all because spending time with other people is more important to her. I always say “You have ONE day, not a month or a year.” but if you’re a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I guess my opinion is that you should be invested for the time you are there to be with the bride and the festivities.
It’s just a huge stressor for me right now (so much so I broke out all over my face), and I’d rather just know if she’s in or out, but being in halfway isn’t fair to everyone else who has dedicated so much time. I’m talking to her tonight, thoughts and hugs would be appreciated…