Post # 1
My wedding is in two weeks and I really don’t want to do it. I want to marry my fiance. We’ve been together over six years. The problem is everyone else. His mom seems to have had a problem with everything almost…couple things-asking another girl to be flowergirl without me knowing, being upset over some aunts on his side that my maid of honor didn’t invite to the bridal shower (though we invited his mom and both grandmas), I’ve just been made to feel guilty about almost everything. She made out his side of the guest list (we are paying for this), and its over double of my side.
On my invites, I wanted to save money, so I put the on the RSVP to call or email. Well I hadn’t heard from any of his family-they were RSVPing to his mom. There’s extra guests tacked on also. Like adult children that we barely know from friends that were not given an invite and were not included on the invite mailed to the parents. People are RSVPing with kids that we did not account for. And kids are almost as much as adults. My godsister actually asked since she said she knew weddings were expensive but some people on his side just put their kids down.
They say 1/3 of your list won’t show…well not here. Plus the estimate on our reception is about $2000 over the original plan.
I wish we would have went somewhere. But I can’t do anything now because it would cost about the same…I feel like I won’t even enjoy my own wedding because I’ll be worried about paying for it….I hope this makes sense, I was trying to keep it somewhat short..
Post # 3
Sorry I don’t know if this ended up in the right spot…probably should be in emotional!
Post # 4
It’s terrible when someone tries to hijack a bride’s wedding plans! There’s not really much that you could do now that the wedding is 2 weeks away, but try not to allow your mom in-law to take over your post-wedding relationship. I don’t know her personally nor do I know the situation, but I’m wishing you the best on your big day. Just take a deep breath and enjoy it because it’s YOUR day 🙂
Post # 5
If it were me, I would be telling my Mother-In-Law that she better scrounge up this extra money that she’s caused or else all of these add ons will not have a seat at my reception.
Post # 6
You cannot control her but you can control your reactions to what she is doing. I would be telling her that her lack of respect and disreguard for yours and her sons financial situation is upsetting at this time when you should all be working together with each to ensure that your wishes as a couple are attained. Therefore if she desires all of these ‘extra’ people to attend she will be required to pay for them otherwise she better start calling them to explain the NO EXTRAS rule!!!
Post # 7
Thank you for your advice and responses. I think his parents are helping with some…they say that they are so I hope. But I feel like I’m going to look like I have hardly any people there compared to his side. I guess I know who I did invite are close to me.
Now if only people would stop RSVPing with people who are not invited!
I had someone else say something about their adult kids boyfriends. One is almost married and I planned on that…the other has a different one all the time and I don’t feel like we need any more extras….ugh. Is it over yet? I hate to say that because I thought I would love planning my wedding!
Post # 8
firstly i feel for u. please try and stay calm and not worry..
we had a similar situation whereby extra guests were invited by my parents in law. we had originally invited one set of their friends who we knew too but they said they couldnt invite them without inviting the other sets of friends in their ‘group’. this ended up being a whole extra table at the wedding meal!! so we said ok as long as his parents paid for the additional meals etc which they agreed to. i think thats fair for you to say too?
as for adult kids/boyfriends etc you just need to be strict and say no. we invited 4 adult children but made it clear they were being invited as part of their family unit ie mum dad & them so no boyf
friends etc it all worked out fine.
Post # 9
I would tell her she needs to tell all the extras that unfortunately, since they didn’t receive an invitation, they aren’t welcome at the wedding. I would have someone at the door checking IDs and crossing off names of your original guest list. I dunno, I just wouldn’t mess around with it. If Future Mother-In-Law is offended, she shouldn’t have brought it on herself.
Post # 10
Time to make your phone calls. Divide up the guest list to people who know you first and people who know your Fiance first and let everyone know that, due to space concerns you can only reserve a seat for those listed on the RSVP. If anyone says “Well I’m not comng then!” say you’re sorry to hear that and you will be notifying the caterer today that the person will not be attending.
You’re paying. If she wants to pay for extra people, it would be nice of her to do that, but you don’t even have to expand the guest list on those grounds.
Your Fiance should be doing all the legwork with his mom, including the flower girl issue.
Post # 11
@MrsBroccoli: Clap clap – well said! I agree with all of your post!
Post # 12
If you really cannot afford it you should tell her. Do not put yourself in debt.
Let her know it will go over your budget or better yet talk to your Fiance, if she is going to shell out the extra $$ fine, but make sure she does it before the wedding date.
With the flower girl issue, WTH, I learn and see new and strange things that people do every day on the bee. This one takes the cake! Isn’t it the bride who picks who should or shouldn’t be in her wedding. Inconceivable.
Get these issues resolve before the wedding day, so you can relax and enjoy your day.
Good luck,,,,,,,talk to FI
Post # 14
I actually agree with a couple of the PPs. Your Mother-In-Law needs to either pay for the extras or tell them they cannot come. It’s unfair for her to put that financial burden on you.
Put your foot down, make your Fiance put his foot down. This is ridiculous. Don’t let her step on you from the beginning.
Post # 15
Your Fiance needs to sit on her, and NOW. She’s HIS mother, not yours, and he needs to deal with her and start the process of drawing the lines around the new family you two are creating. If he doesn’t have the backbone to deal with her, you’re looking at much bigger problems in the future than a few extra people at your wedding reception.
Tell him he needs to let his mother know that you will accommodate the original guest list, and no more. That means either she needs to make some phone calls, like yesterday, telling the people who tacked on guests that the extra people cannot be accommodated, or she needs to give you a list of phone numbers so you can do it yourself.
If you do have to make the calls, keep it simple. “We’re so glad you’re going to be able to join us, but unfortunately, we do have very strict limits on the number of people our venue can accommodate, which is why we were unable to invite Johnny and Tammy in the first place. We’re butting right up against our limit and simply don’t have a single spare seat, so we’re really sorry, but they just can’t come.”