(Closed) THIS is why etiquette and manners matter.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I tend to be in the camp of “certain etiquette ‘rules’ are dumb” (I am looking at you, hand-addressed invites!), but any wedding that looks so obviously like a half-assed gift grab is insulting. Frankly, not only would I not attend, I wouldn’t send a gift either.

Post # 5
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not going to say  hat she is right in the way she is organizing her wedding but I don’t know why you are so upset.  If it bothers you ignore it!  No ones forcing you to go or buy her a present.

I do disagree when you say that she is already married and therefore it isn’t a real wedding.  A Wedding is the ceremony or celebration of a marriage, so even if they are already married they can celebrate the fact with a wedding.  This is quite common to do, I don’t see anythign wrong with it.

As for gift registries she’s allowed to request anything she wants, you are of course also allowed to give or not give her anything you want.

Post # 6
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yup. I agree.  I would not be sending her a gift. I understand the getting married and just having a reception thing… but maybe one that I’m planning myself.  And yeah, the registry sounds beyond rediculous for their situation.  Hell, we’re a two income household making good money in our late 20’s – 30’s and we registered fore more practical stuff than that!  I’d just send her a card.

Post # 7
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Atalanta: +1, even though I believe etiquette rules apply, they apply for me and I don’t care what others do

Post # 8
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Atalanta: im with you 100%

Post # 9
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

considering some of their life choices to date have been pretty dumb i wouldnt be too surprised by how bad this is going down – i would send her a card wishing them the best and leave it at that

Post # 10
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel like when you are given an engagement ring, there should be an immediate PSA-like banner or commercial played in front of the girl that says:



There are about a dozen posts on this board about problems that would not exist if that rule was followed. 

Anyways, I’m with @eloping – send a card with some well-wishes and call it a day  🙂

Post # 11
46670 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes she has handled things poorly.

 I would encourage you to rise above, send them a card and a gift, wish them well and let it go.

Post # 12
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i also don’t know why you are so upset. clearly she is young and immature and doesn’t know any better.  i would actually cut them some slack and simply not care so much and do as the others have suggested and send a card. And possibly send her a gift you think she can use right away. she might not ever admit it, but she’ll probably be grateful when she start using it all the time.

Post # 13
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Atalanta: I agree with your summation. I wouldn’t spend much time or energy being angry over what a 19 year old does when there is so much to be happy for outside of her antics.

Post # 14
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Atalanta: I agree completely with you. Plenty of people get married at the courthouse early and have the celebration later. Should she tell her mom? Probably, but that’s her business, no one else’s.

Although, those of you saying she’s only 19 and therefore immature… not all 19 year olds are immature, so please don’t blame the age 🙂 I’m 20 and I promise I’m plenty mature.

Post # 15
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

okay the facebook-ing and the registries were a little ridiculous but i think you should direct your energy elsewhere.  there’s no point getting mad because she doesn’t know what’s proper.  don’t go to the wedding but since she’s family, you should send a gift that you believe is appropriate.  a friend was telling me about a girl assigning her guests potluck dishes to bring to the wedding and then turns around and registers at neimans.  is that appropriate?  no.  but since the friend considered the bride a friend, she made the requested dish for 150 and bought a gift. 

i see too many brides get mad about things that other brides do when they should just let it go. 

the whole thing about getting married at the courthouse first, i don’t have a problem with.  i have many friends who did that first and had the wedding ceremony and reception later — different reasons (insurance purposes, visa purposes, convenience…)

Post # 16
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She sounds completely ridiculous, I definitely would not attend or send a gift. Seirously, how entitled can you be?? 19 is old enough to know better!

The topic ‘THIS is why etiquette and manners matter.’ is closed to new replies.

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