(Closed) This is why etiquette doesn’t always work…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with julies1949 She just didn’t do her part. We had 1 invite that Said “Smith Family” but on the RSVP we put the number of famiy members they had

5 seats have been reserved in your honor…. That way they knew all in the house was invited….

and then we sent their son who lives on his own his own invite.

^You know that’s what should have been done on her part. And so it’s a shame on her.. not you.

PLUS…. I had a small wedding and honestly couldn’t have told you who showed and didn’t show so her throwing a fit about it is pretty ridiculous b/c (not anything on you at all) the day goes by so fast you really don’t realize who is/isn’t there.

Sorry you’re dealing with it though… ((hugs)) She’s being ridiculous

Post # 18
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

To be honest, with the way my family is, I did not know of proper ettiquet for invites until Fiance and I were serious. If my mom got an invite to a family wedding, she would tell me I was too. Just how we roll! lol… Now I know better, and full belive that unless you are on the invite you should not assume you are going. I read up and consulted my Future Mother-In-Law before sending out invites jus tto make sure we did not have this problem, or the problem of uninvited guests

Although, one rule I had to break was discuss with certain family and friends that unless I put a and spouse, or put “and family” that the invite was directed to them. Bad rule breaking, but  my side understands.

Post # 19
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Shouldn’t she also have asked why you weren’t coming when the rsvp came back?

Post # 20
Member
8247 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

This isn’t a failure of etiquette rules ….. this is a failure of your cousin to think logically.  Why on earth would she think that you would know you were invited when everyone else’s name but yours was on the invite??

Post # 21
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mrs.KMM: I was just about to say that. Etiquette is what keeps communication clear; your cousin, unfortunately, could have avoided all this heartache if she kept to the basic rules of etiquette. Sorry you missed the wedding, that’s terrible 🙁

Post # 22
Member
2315 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry for the situation! Sounds like you did the right thing to keep from being a burden to your cousin and it backfired :(.

I have seen similar situations though, but nothing turned out quite so badly. It’s so funny to me that couples getting married don’t know the etiquette, because literally it takes one single pass of nearly any bridal website to figure out that type of rule.

Post # 23
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@whiteorchid: I was just going to say the same thing!

Post # 24
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree that it is her fault, but Maybe you could invite her and her husband out/over? and let her know that you can’t wait to see their wedding photos-and hear her recap over dinner.  And perhaps bring her a thoughtful wedding gift?  Sorry that you missed the wedding 🙁 

Post # 25
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Apparently your cousin thinks you’re psychic. You wouldn’t happen to know this week’s winning lotto numbers by any chance, would you?

If you haven’t lived at home for 5 years, then it’s her fault for not finding out your current address and sending you your own invitation. She has absolutely no right to be angry with you. And shouldn’t she have noticed that your name wasn’t on the RSVP?

Post # 26
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t think this is an ettiquette problem at all. Anyone would automatically assume if their nane isn’t on the invitation yhat they’re not invited.

Maybe she didn’t plan on inviting you at all but when your family turned up without you everyone asked where you were…. now she needs to save face and the easiest way to do that is to toss the blame on you.

Post # 28
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Is it possible she sent you a proper invite and it got lost in the mail? It just seems funny that she put your brother’s name on the invite, but did put your name OR send you a seperate one. Did you ask if she sent one, or how you were supposed to know you were invited? And if she did send you one why didn’t she ask you why you didn’t RSVP?

Post # 29
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Corilee13: But that’s exactly it. Etiquette is what makes sure crap like this DOESN’T happen. It used to be that these things were passed down through the generations, so that everyone knew what to expect and what to do so that feelings weren’t hurt and everyone knew what to do for formal occasions.My mother and aunts all told me about these things, casually, not like they were taught, you know? And everyone knew the rules. I didn’t read a book. There’s this huge disconnect now, I think.

You didn’t fail your cousin. You really didn’t.

Post # 31
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with everyone else that its her own fault. But why didn’t you ask why you weren’t invited when the invites were first sent out?

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