(Closed) “this is your # engagement?!?!”

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MamaHusky3:  How about – “this is a personal issue and I’d rather not discuss it with you.”

I use that phrase a lot.  It’s really no one’s business.  If you’re happy so be it. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Sometimes I’m worried that those around me are thinking the same thing, but nobody has ever actually voiced it to me.  This current relationship will be my lucky #3rd engagement, and I can’t wait to finally get married to the man of my dreams.  I feel bad for my BF/MOH who had to buy 2 different bridesmaid’s dresses for those weddings that never came to be, lol.  Luckily she has never complained about anything or judged me.  I’m not going to make her buy a 3rd dress since we are probably eloping, and I’m sure she’ll be a little glad for that, lol.  I’m thankful that my family and friends are truly happy that I’ve finally found the right man.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

+1 at what AngieN said.

And since you HAVE been engaged twice before, which is a fact that you cannot get away from, you should mentally prepare yourself for such remarks. They may be hurtful because no one understands how you truly feel, but they are not that far off the mark. These people have seen you go through it twice. Cut them some slack. They don’t know you so well. Only YOU know yourself best.

The onus is on you to prove them wrong by having a long, successful, content marriage with Mr. # 3. And on your 10th Wedding Anniversary party you two can make a toast to the lines of “… and to all who did not believe in us…. f*k you! Cheers! Now let’s eat.”

Post # 6
Member
1553 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aww.. I understand.  As someone who has had two previous marriages (far worse than two previous engagements), I got some of these comments.

There’s not much you can do about the rude things people will say.  When I met my husband, I  knew immediately that this was different.  I can remember thinking that had I known that this is what it is supposed to be like I’d never have gotten married before.  I had no idea.  But there is really no way to explain that to someone, especially someone that has already made up his/her mind. 

I really have no good advice for you.  I’d thank them for their concern, but when it felt like I was trying to justify my decision I just tended to look them in the eye and say “I’m sorry you feel that way” and then walk away.  It still stung, but at least I didn’t find myself trying to justify my actions to someone who didn’t deserve an explanation.  I always reminded myself that they were really saying something because they were concerned about me…they just had a less than gracious way of showing it.

People will come around once they see for themselves the difference in you.  Don’t let them get to you in the meantime.

 

PS For what it’s worth, I also knew my  husband in high school, lost touch, then reconnected and knew he was the one.  I think if that bond is still there after all those years, there is really something special there.  But I might be biased…

Post # 7
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Aww that sucks! Do you think, since you said it was someone close to you saying these things. that they were just trying to help? In their mind, they may have seen it as trying to understand your thought process so that they could see that you really understood that this time it’s for real, and why. Maybe it just got miscommunicated as something negative because you are sensitive about it? I agree with PP that you should prepare yourself for these questions – they surely won’t be the last, because people can really be tactless sometimes!

Post # 8
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m in the same boat with Neva. This will be my 3rd marriage and I get comments more so from my family then anybody else. I even had a coworker at my previous job put a sticky note with a ? on it over my last name on my nameplate. I still cannot convey the feelings I had over that little stunt. It’s hurtful but as long as you and Fiance are happy then that’s all that matters. I think it takes more guts to say hey this isn’t working instead going into a marriage with such issues just for the sake of following through on an engagement. Everyone has a different path they must take to get to where they need to be and maybe yours was the experience of the past 2 relationships.

Post # 9
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am in a similar situation, I have been married/Divorced and Engaged/Unengaged and I’m only 28yrs old. I will be getting engaged again (for the final time so help me!) with in the next couple months. And I’ve heard a lot of that myself. My older sister (who was my Maid/Matron of Honor for my first marriage) has said ” Oh I don’t get to be the Maid/Matron of Honor in this wedding, I just got it for the failed one” Nice right? LOL But, I get comments about how can I just know it’s right this time and all of that. I mean do they want me to be 50 before I can be considered old enough to know? My SO and I have not been apart more than 24hrs since our first date. I have known since the first time I talked to him that he was the one I had been waiting for. No one has the right to tell me or you or anyone else how things should go or how you feel. I say good luck to you and keep your head up!

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