- 8 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
first let me start off with a lil bak story….i’ll try to make this brief but ugh, its just getting to me and i need to vent…..
engagement #1 – i was very young and got swept away..(not saying its a bad thing to be young n engaged but for me, it just happened to be a bad thing)…it was a long distance relationship as he was in the service and was based far from where i lived…..i felt so flustered and caught up in an imaginary fairy tale, that I went and got the ring and proposed to him only a month into dating….6 months later we had an engagement party…i suddenly got cold feet, realized I barely knew the guy and that it was more me being in love with an idea rather than him as a person…2 weeks later, called it off and broke up…
engagement #2 – this ends up being my most serious and longest relationship i’ve had….it got to a point where i realized that i was extremely unhappy….i loved the future we were aiming for and at one point i thought he was my match and soulmate but there were too many things that i kept putting off about the relationship, telling myself ‘oh well these other things that make me happy compensate for the negatives’….when in reality, i was just settling…a relationship takes work, yes, i know that, but love should still be there, and for me, it wasn’t…and it was draining me…i regret dragging it out for so long, but i kept telling myself that it was real, and that you don’t just quit, you try to make it work, and that things would get better….well it didnt….so i ended it…
engagement #3 – FH and I dated previously in high school….we knew each other then, even if it was briefly (only lasted 2-3 weeks but still knew each other throughout high school, i wouldnt say we were that close though)…..lost contact for 6 yrs and got back in touch sept of last year….november 09 we became a couple…..and in july, we got engaged….i could go on and on about how I know its for real but thats not my point of my vent…..
now, i’ve gotten soooooo many responses that arise out of a history such as mine…here are a few, along with some responses I wish I could respond back but don’t really have the guts to…
“don’t you think you’re rushing things?” its not like we’re getting married tomorrow for crying out loud….how bout you go rush yourself into a pile of manure…
“how do you its for real this time?” i really don’t have to defend myself to you. if you disagree with my relationship with PapaHusky, then don’t come to the wedding. simple as that.
“you’re engaged again??” yes. i’m glad you make it a point to stress the word again…. :-/
“when have you not been engaged?” *silently curses you out* haha very funny… (not!) :-/
“weren’t you just engaged to someone else?” uh..can we focus on my current happiness and not revisit my past please?? thanks.
“don’t you think you should chill for awhile before getting enaged again?” shouldn’t you be happy for me instead of telling me what i should and should not do??
“maybe you just don’t understand what being engaged means” I believe having previous experience in the matter makes me qualified to understand what saying “yes” to the question means. I’m sorry if you feel I’m stupid enough to NOT learn from past mistakes. Now, since that is the obvious answer i gave to PapaHusky, go blindfold urself and walk towards a cliff….
“i think you just don’t want to get married ever” thank you for input. i suppose we shall see when the time comes. but i bet anything you’ll be the one kickin yourself in the a$$ for making that statement to my face you ::continues to name them every name in the book::
“when you know you know, but apparently you thought you knew twice before, so what’s so different now?” ………*death stare*
i mean really??? again, i understand where all the questions come from but i suppose i wish in my ideal world, people would just be happy for me…..i suppose it would be different if the engagement parts weren’t involved and just regular break-ups….i mean, its sort of like the boy who cried wolf no?? but isn’t the important part that i realized what my heart was truly feeling before i actually got married??? and what IS so different now? well- for starters i don’t feel like i’m trying to justify anything in my relationship with FH….everything is just RIGHT!!! i can’t explain it without having someone play devil’s advocate and twist it to compare it to how i felt when i was in my previous engagements…..
i just wanted to vent….someone close to me brought this all on…i felt like i was defending myself and fighting to justify my love for FH and everything really…..you live and you learn and i admit that i made mistakes in the past but i suppose now when its real, no one believes it is…..
i would like to include tho, that not all my friends and family feel this way….one of my co-workers/friend goes to school with me and she’s known me for 5-6 years and she’s told me before that she sees a big difference in me now than when i was with the other exes and how much more happier i seem…. finally! at least one person in my corner….
difference between me and the boy who cried wolf is that those previous engagements were NOT just me trying to get attention….but seems like no one cares….
guess i’ll be eatten up by the wolf then… :-/