(Closed) This isn’t how it’s supposed to be…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Thats so hard, Im so sorry you are going through this. If you really are having second thoughts you need to take a step back and look at what you really want in life right now. You said that you look at lots of other guys and wonder “what if…” to me, this is not good. Honestly when I see other guys, i can appreciate their attractiveness, but at the same time I would NEVER want to go back to dating. I am so much happier with my Fiance than I ever was dating around.

Have you talked to you Fiance at all? Dont tell him that you are having second thoughts right away, but try to gauge how he is feeling.

Good luck and be strong.

Post # 4
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Our home and the two acres it sits on

Sweets, take a deep breath.  I was 29 when I got married (and it was my second time) and I was having the same freak-outs you are.  Thing is, they were about ME, not about him, which said to me that I was being healthy and honest about the commitment I was making, not that I was marrying the wrong man or for the wrong reasons.


It IS scary, but it’s okay if you don’t feel ready to BE MARRIED.  You’re making the commitment to learn to be married, and you’ll have the rest of your life (and especially the next year to figure out how to make it happen.  All you’re doing when you get married is commit to making it happen.

Make sense?


Find someone to whom you can honestly confess your feelings that doesn’t have a horse in the race, so to speak, and be gentle with yourself.  Feel the feelings and let them wash over you (quit fighting them!) and see what happens.


And, as always, PM me if you want to chat more.  You can read my archives for proof that I was freaking out, like you, in fact, if you search for a post called, “Doubts,” you’ll hear from me and all of my readers about how we all have doubts sometimes.

Post # 5
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it’s totally normal to have these feelings.  When you get married, it represents a lot.  It represents the start of a life together and represents your love for each.  It represents your commitment to that love.  But it also represents a sacrifice.  You give up a lot also.  You give up some of your freedom, you give up your single life.  I’ve had fleeting moments also when a cute guy gives you a look and you think for just a second “wow…if I were single…”  But then right away, I think about the man I would be giving up, the life I would be giving up.  And there is nothing for me that would be worth THAT sacrifice.  Distance can definitely give you doubts when you don’t see each other consistently.  I would try to relax a little and just try to be normal with your Fiance when you see him.  Just let the connection come back naturally and hopefully you’ll feel better when you see him.

Post # 6
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Take a deep breath. You are definitely not alone. Marriage is a big deal, it is totally ok to feel what you are feeling. Find someone who you can talk to honestly and just try to to relax. You will know what is right in the end.

Post # 7
4 posts
  • Wedding: July 2010

No…you are not alone. I am also 25 (well 24) and my fiance and I do not live in the same city…3 hours away for almost 2 years now…so reconnecting is always interesting. I am also having fears about getting married. I never dated anyone but my fiance and I told anyone and everyone that that was how I wanted it to be!! No sense in dating everyone and their brother when I already know what I look for in a mate. NOW however…I am not regreting that decision but wondering a little about if this is it for me.

My fiance is wonderful to me. Sure we fight, but overall, he makes me laugh everyday and I would be sad without him in my life.

My other fear is losing my parents, or rather our relationship will be changed forever. I am so close with them and I feel like I am leaving them (which I am, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that!!!). I even told my dad the other day “I don’t feel like I’m old enough to get married!”

I think my biggest realization is that I have found what I want so why look anywhere else. I believe there is a reason why you are with the person you are with. I may see an attractive man from time to time and wonder about him and I but my fiance gets me like no one ever has…and probably no one ever will.

You just have to trust…my trust is in my relationship with God. I feel secure in my decision because I feel God has brought us together.

Enjoy your visit with your fiance! I know what it is like being apart for months at a time…awkward at first but then…just like old times. Best of luck!

Post # 8
1738 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

think first before you make any decision. i feel the same way. i been living with my fi for 8 years and we already have a beautiful girl. im also unsure about marriage because in my family everybody have been marry more that two times. there havent been a marriage longer than 15 years. i feel weird but at the end i love my fi and i cant imagine myself with nobody else. also helped me talk with my fi.

good luck!  

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