Post # 1
From day one, we have been VERY VERY anti-children at the reception. We do not want kids there, plain and simple. i’m finding out that this is easier said than done. Here’s the breakdown:
We have said we would be totally fine with eliminating kids under 5 years old. But, we have a flower girl that is 3.5. That is almost a non-issue for the entirety of my family. My cousins are quite a bit older than I am, and most of their kids are between 10-13. We’re fine with them coming. However, one of my cousins also has a 6 y/o and….a 1.5 y/o. Granted the 1 y/o is perfectly fine and well behaved and totally does not bother me at all. The mother of these 4 children is quite insane and refuses to go anywhere without her kids (they also live out of town, so it’s more difficult for her to leave them in their town and travel here). She’s one of my favorite cousins and her kids are super well behaved, so we made an exception and invited her younger two.
But, I have two cousins who also have children. Their kids are 4, 5, 5, and 12 (this is two different cousins’ childrend). I do not like these children Well, as expected one of my cousins has RSVP’d thinking her 4 y/o is invited, when he clearly was not on the invite. Now my parents are trying to convince me to just let this go, as there really would only be two children u nder the 5 year mark. But this is just not what we wanted. I think I should be able to make these choices and eeveryone else who is going to RSVP with their kid included lives in town and should be able to find a babysitter.
I mean, making this concession would only mean two extra kids that are under the 5 y/o mark, aside from our 3.5 y/o flower girl. But, UGH, it just makes me so freaking irate that people don’t understand that their kid is NOT invited if they aren’t identified on the invitation.
Is this worth the fight?? I want to put up one so badly because this was the first thing we were adamant about…no kids. But now I feel like I’ve opened up a door by having a 3.5 y/o flower girl and allowing the 1.5 y/o child of my cousins. I hate this.
Added: If i’m being honest, our venue is very conducive to having kids there. It’s an indoor/outdoor pavilion with bocce ball, cornhole, and firepits. It’s not like we’re closed up in a hotel ballroom or anything.
Post # 3
@MrsDrRose612: “The mother of these 4 children is quite insane and refuses to go anywhere without her kids (they also live out of town, so it’s more difficult for her to leave them in their town and travel here). She’s one of my favorite cousins and her kids are super well behaved, so we made an exception and invited her younger two.”
I’m already confused – who is the mother of the 4 children? Your favorite cousin who is also insane?
Post # 4
I totally understand your frustration about them addding the kids in when they were invited. However, honestly, it doesn’t seem like it should cause an issue. It sounds like your space will allow them room to play without getting in the way.
I’m not sure why you dislike these particular kids but I think it may be best to just allow them to come unless you’re really willing to create an issue with the parents/your cousins. It always gets tough when you allow some children but not others.
Post # 5
@MrsDrRose612: “Is this worth the fight?? I want to put up one so badly because this was the first thing we were adamant about…no kids. But now I feel like I’ve opened up a door by having a 3.5 y/o flower girl and allowing the 1.5 y/o child of my cousins. I hate this.”
The flower girl can be the exception – allowing the 1.5 year old definitely opened the door up for other people with kids. I am with you in that I do not want kids at my wedding, but I am not making ANY exceptions. Once you make one exception like that, you’re going to irritate a lot of people that you don’t make the exceptions for. It needs to either be NO kids at all with no exceptions, or allowing kids. Can’t have it both ways.
Post # 6
I think that you making an exception for your cousin already put you in a bad place. If you’re going to have a no kids rule, it has to apply to everyone. It’s not fair that one cousin gets to bring her child, but the other cousin can’t.
Post # 7
I would have said stick to your guns if the only kid there was the flower girl. We did that for our wedding…no kids with the exception of the kids in the wedding party obviously. When you opened it up to your cousin’s kids, that means that you’re starting to pick and choose who you want there, and it’s harder to use the defense of, “We’re not having any kids.” As soon as the other cousin gets there, she’s going to be pretty angry when she sees a child who isn’t part of the bridal party there. I say this isn’t worth the fight. As annoying as it is, you’re going to really p*ss off some family members…and it’s over one extra kid being there.
Post # 8
@AshleyR83: um, yeah. i’m sorry but i think it’s a little crazy that she can’t be away from her children for one night, and feels so strongly about it that she has declined offers of overnight trips, weekend trips to the beach, etc bc she can’t get away from them. Once she had to leave them on business and she was so tortured with a migraine she had to go straigh back home. it’s insane. i love her, she’s super fun to hang out with (barring she doesn’t ahve t leave her kids longer than an evening), but that’s the most ridiculous thing i’ve ever heard.
Post # 9
@MrsDrRose612: I just thought it was funny that you said she was insane, but also your favorite cousin! 😉
Post # 10
ugh, family pressure can be terrible. It sounds to me like if these children show up they are going to be a bit of a nusance and there is nothing worse than a great night ruined by someone elses screaminig child, If these other children were well behaved I would say include them but it sounds like they might not be, in that case stick to your guns. If it were me I would try the broken record method as suggested by another bee.
just practice the line ‘Im sorry it isn’t possible’… over and over and over again
….but they really won’t eat much
“Im sorry it isnt possible”
…They will sit on my lap and not use a chair
“Im sorry it isn’t possible”
…insert lame random excure here
“Im sorry it isn’t possible”
Post # 11
ugh, that’s tough but I think you have to let it go. You’ve made a couple other exceptions, and from the way I’m reading it, only one of her four kids wouldn’t be invited? I feel like it’s going to cause a lot more drama to try to exclude one of her kids vs. letting them tag along with the other three.
Post # 12
@Bichon Frise: I agree…
Not letting the 1 child come is going to make it seems as if you’re playing favourites and that is probably not going to go down very well with your family – I know it wouldn’t in mine…
Post # 13
@AshleyR83: I know…i totally don’t get her weirdly clingly stance on her kids, but i do love her!
Post # 14
Normally I’m Captain Stick-To-Your-Guns when it comes to people trying to invite their kids to your wedding, but in this case it might be a bit hard for your guests to understand your rules (no one under 5 except the FGs) since 5 is kind of a strange cut off age (usually for weddings it’s higher, like 12). In this case, it might be better to just let it go, but it is 100% up to you and your Fiance.
Post # 15
I don’t have kids… but if I HAD a kid that was not invited to the wedding I’d think fair enough…. but then if I saw there were other kids of a similar age there I’d be annoyed.
I can understand your annoyance, but I think you have to let it slide.
Post # 16
I had kids at my wedding of ALL ages. And the ratio of kids to adults was very, VERY close. I am talking less than 10 yrs old!
And you know what, I barely even noticed ANY of them!!!! They were all busy playing with each other in the corner or in the lobby and were completely OUT OF SIGHT for the most part. Even in my wedding video you only see glimpses of them. It’s so weird! Cuz all they are concerned with his playing. And they felt that us adults were a nuisance so they stayed out of our hair and we stayed out of theirs. lol!
The parents just checked up on’ em and fed them etc. That’s abt it. And EVERYONE had fun. I think ppl were also relaxed and happy knowing that their kids are RIGHT THERE. And best of all, I cut a deal witht he banquet facility to charge me next to nothing for kids. And the kids really didn’t eat at all. They were too concerned with just playing games with each other.
My hubby’s nephew is the most annoying kid on the planet and he practically tried to break my cupcake stand ($150 deposit’s worth!) but that was at the end of the reception and I took care of it immediately. I really doubt you will have any kids like this one. He is a f**kin’ nightmare to put it nicely. Hahahaha!