(Closed) This lady keeps facebook messaging my hubby.. =/

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Personally if she isn’t really saying anything to “come onto him” and he says that he won’t message her back, I would just let it go and hope that she stops! I mean, what else can you really do? You are not silly to be a little bugged by it though…I would probably be very annoyed!

Post # 4
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yes, it is unnecessary to be bugged by this. Why are you on his FB anyway? Don’t you trust him to make the correct decision? Please treat him like an intelligent, capable, grown adult who can make wise decisions concerning his relationship. In the event that she were to come on to him (which is not right now anyway), even then it is up to hubby to take the stance and ward her off. You should not need to get involved at all unless you feel any reason to doubt your hubby.

Post # 5
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

those sound pretty innocent. how do you know she’s interested in him?

honestly, it sounds like you’re overreacting. stop reading all of your husband’s messages – they will only drive you crazy. your husband knows where the line is, and you need to trust him to stick to it. just tell your husband if she ever sends something inappropriate, he needs to send her a reply asking her to not message him anymore.

Post # 6
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ah, I know how you feel.  You’re bugged by other women talking to your husband, even though you know nothing will happen.  I would try and let it go for now.  If it becomes sexual and/or inappropiate at all, you need to have a talk with your husband.  For example,  my fiance likes talking to an ex that is now his friend.  Even though I don’t necessary like him talking to her, I let it go, because I don’t want to be one of those girls who tells her SO who he can and cannot be friends with.  But a couple of nights ago, I saw the text conversation.  She was calling me names (I’ve never even met her).  After that, I talked to Fiance and said this is inappropiate and needs to stop; we came to the conclusion that until I feel better about him talking to her, it will stop.

Post # 7
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

First of all, I don’t think you should be reading your husbands messages, that does not establish trust in a marriage. If you believe he is faithful, then give him the right to draw the line. The woman doesn’t sound like she is saying anything appropriate. If she crosses the line, then I’m sure your husband will say something to her. Otherwise, I would just let it go.

Post # 8
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I wouldn’t worry about it.  I have male friends that I keep on touch with through facebook, and it really is no big deal. 

Post # 9
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t see the need to be jealous. All she seems to be doing is asking how he’s doing and looking for book recommendations–the same sort of stuff people ask about at book club or at the water cooler. Are you jealous of them too? 

Post # 10
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

What is the dynamic of their relationship? I.e., how close are they? How long have they known each other? If it’s a fairly new friendship, and it bothers you THAT much, I have two words:

Block button. Don’t worry about about offending her. She may see the light when she realizes she’s blocked, like, “oh yeah, he’s married.”

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Has he known her for a long time? Is he completely honest with you on his own about her messaging him with out you snooping? If yes then I’d say you are over reacting. Now if this is just some random woman & he could really care less about being friends with her or not then he can always just block her.

Post # 12
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Why are you reading his messages on Facebook? My husband and I do trust each other and don’t read each other’s emails. Doesn’t he mind you reading his emails? Just curious…

I wouldn’t be upset with the women, but with your husband since he has told you in the past he won’t speak to this woman, and yet he does. I think the problem is about you trusting your husband, not this woman emailing your husband. I also really don’t think you should read his emails. Have you had trust issues in the past? I think you need to work on the trust/communication with your husband! Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t worry about it since your husband is being very honest and really isn’t leading her on or encouraging the contact. Facebook sucks in those situations because you can connect with so many people, but once you add them as a friend and lines of communication open up, it’s hard to stop it. My Darling Husband has a few female friends from hs and college that message him on facebook now and then and I’m not a fan, but it’s harmless and I trust Darling Husband. If your husband lies about it or is saying he won’t write back then does, i’d be more concerned.

Post # 14
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@Woodstobe: I don’t see anything wrong in the messages she has sent your husband and I think it’s kind of rude for him not to respond to someone asking how he is or how is marriage or some books that she thought he’d like. Now, if they conversed all the time and were really into each other or you had something really specific, I’d be worried if I were you. As it is, I don’t see the problem. And is there an underlying reason why you are reading his FB and emails?

Post # 15
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Trust your gut!!!  If you get a bad vibe from this girl, there is a reason.  And if she keeps messaging him despite the fact that his replies are short and not prompting more conversation, there is a reason.  Some people don’t have boundaries when it comes to flirting with married people, and you don’t want to wait until she starts making inaappropriate comments because then you really will blow up.

Also, if your hubby knows you check his FB, then you aren’t breaking any trust with him and you don’t need to feel bad.  This idea that reading your partners emails is always totally wrong doesn’t make sense – every relationship is different!

Post # 16
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Can’t your husband simply stop responding to her messages?

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