(Closed) This lady keeps facebook messaging my hubby.. =/

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I too would have issues with it for the following reason:

 When married, there are new boundaries and guidelines of what is appropriate and what is not. Your husband is YOUR husband. Any single lady with any respect for the institution of marriage and the two involved would NOT be trying to gain the attention of a married man, and hopefully would understand why his wife would be concerned with this repeated form of communication.

Honestly, what is the benefit of their communications/relationship?

Post # 33
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@symphony: Well put, and I think that what the OP was feeling was uneasiness about HER, not the hubby. A single woman consistantly messaging and emailing and such to a married man is playing with fire. The “conversation” doesn’t have to be sexual in nature… but it could eventually turn into that as the emotional/friendship evolves further down the road. Most women know this and this woman is beginning to cross the line. Why doesn’t she post things on his page – why private messages? Seems a little fishy to me.

If I were the OP, I would have a reason to be uncomfortable with the situation as well. I think the OP needs to ask her hubby if the tables were turned and she had a single male friend constantly emailing her and such — how would he feel? I agree he should stop replying. There’s no real need for them to be friends. If this woman is not friends of the couple, both the OP and her hubby, then it really isn’t appropriate.

There are new rules of engagement it seems when people get married. It’s sad that people forget how hard it is for couples to stay married at the current 50% divorce rate. Why make it harder by causing issues with a married couple? Jeez. If this woman continues to message the hubby even after he stops responding, then I would be tempted to tell her off myself… but that’s just me.

Post # 34
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park

I’m fine with the full disclosure relationship. I don’t think it’s you “checking up” on him, or monitering his emails/facebook. It’s simply that you both want to show that there’s nothing to hide. My husband reads my text messages to me when I’m driving or busy, and I have him type replies for me a lot. Same goes for him. Regardless of how stable or trusting people believe their relationships to be, mistakes happen. Lawyers are claiming that facebook is being cited in 20% of divorce cases these days. That’s a whole helluva lot of facebook infedility going on out there! Even if you think you know your partner inside and out, you never will. People are just too complex for someone to ever know somebody else that completely, and it’s very easy to blur the lines between friendship and inappropriate relationships.

I believe that women always know when something doesn’t sit right. Trust your gut, and ask him to stop communicating with her. It’s not like you’re outlawing all opposing-gender relationships for him, you are requesting that he end contact with a woman whose situation makes you uncomfortable. You would do the same for him. Bottom line, your trust and reassurance should mean more to him than chatting about books and marriage with a fair-weather friend anyway. I would feel nervous that she seems so interested in the status of his marriage. Is he supposed to disclose some dirty laundry about you or something? I mean, asking once or twice how married life is going recently after the wedding seems like small-talk. Any more and I’d say her interests aren’t in the well-being of his marriage. So long as you’re not becoming a possessive, jealous female outlawer, then I think this is well within the boundaries of a healthy relationship.

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