Post # 1
My DH and I were in the best of jobs for this economy until things unfortunately fell apart right before and after our wedding. DH has been searching for jobs after he got laid off for 2 months while taking in unemployment and the interviews he goes on all want to offer him measly wages (not to be a brat but not a whole lot to support yourself on.) He hasn’t even gotten a definite job offer yet.
I on the other hand chose to change jobs and left on my own free will. It’s taken me 4 months to find a really decently paying part-time. I’m not getting a ton of hours at the moment, but the pay is high for it. It’s in my desired field and I enjoy it, I just worry about the money. It has the potential to just let me scrape on by. Although I thought it would be a good mom job if we were to start a fam, but that doesn’t really work when he can’t find anything.
So here’s the deal. DH was just offered two very promising interviews for very promising positions (well paid positions) on different ends of the country. Both to states I’ve never even been to before :/ (that’s besides the point though I suppose. I have a teaching cert but that doesn’t transfer over to all states, and the middle of the year is not good prospective. I’m willing to do other work, and have been. I just don’t know the first thing about finding a job in a state I’ve never even been to.
What would you do? What have you done? Personal experience would be great seeing as my family is not very helpeful in the matter at the moment. Well they are of the opinion that relocating would be more trouble than it’s worth.
Is it worth relocating for the high paying job for my husband, and I should just suck it up? I’m kinda attached to my family and worry about going someplace new where we don’t know anyone. Guess I’m really on the fence on this one for multiple reasons. Any advice?
Post # 3
So far it is just promising leads on possible positions, right? Let him go on the interviews and find out as much information as he can about the areas, including cost of living and activities/community for people your age, among other things. Then if/when he receives offers, you have more information to go on.
Post # 4
Yes, right now they are just leads. I was trying to think ahead though. Since I’m sure the people aren’t going to wait for weeks for us to decide if they offer.
Post # 5
Agreed. Go on the interviews (maybe go with him) and scope it out. Also keep in mind that if these positions are in NYC or LA, the cost of living could eat up the pay increase! (Not that Chicago is cheap by any stretch of the imagination!)
Post # 6
@HotPinkFire: My family of origin moved states multiple times (including cross country) for my dad’s job when I was growing up. We ended up finding a place that fit our family perfectly that happened to be away from both families. And I moved states to go to college, for my current job, and when I got married. So to me, moving isn’t a huge deal for a fantastic job. If it’s a good job that can support you both, and is stable, then I would seriously consider it. I’ve loved living all over the country, and while it can be a little rough at first getting settled and meeting new people, there’s definitely things I really like about everywhere I’ve lived. I will say that leaving your family can be tough, especially if you’re considering starting a family. However, a move doesn’t have to be forever. Hubby and I frequently discussed how much fun it would be to live someplace else for a few years early in our marriage – like to get a cool apartment in a big city and just have a totally different lifestyle for awhile…but alas we never did. Good luck making your decision, whatever it may be! 🙂
Post # 7
Yeah the area we live in is not affordable if you’re getting these smaller jobs. I used the CNN comparison calculator to figure things out and both states are cheaper cost of living than they would be here.
Still just not sure what the right choice in the end is if we have to make that decision quickly.
Post # 8
@MerryC: I really like your idea of moving some place new with your husband to try something different. That’s a really interesting prospective on the situation. Sometimes I would love to get up and move someplace new as I’m not entirely thrilled with where we live.
I’m just feeling really attached with my family even though I don’t spend a ton of time with them, and don’t handle transitions to new places well. Wow I sound like a small child lol. I lived down in Florida for an internship for less than a year and that was horrific for me in the begining. Although it was where I met my husband. I was never really thrilled with living there permenantly and was looking forward to returning home. But now that were here I sometimes wonder whats so great about it.
I’m really just sitting on a very emotional fence.
Post # 9
I guess this would be a time to sit down and decide what is imortant to you. You plan on having kids, do want to be in driving distance of Grandparents or are you ok having to fly. How much work would it take to get your license in these other states. Do you own or rent now? There are so many things to really break down, but if the offer were good enough I would go for it, maybe his comany would be able to help with relocation.
Post # 10
I understand excatly how you feel. I thought I was going to get a job offer in Boston and that I was going to have to leave my family.
Something I had to keep reminding my self is…NOTHING IS PERMANENT. I kept having flashbacks to the awful 4 months I spent in Arkansas by myself for school. But at the end of the day, in 2 years when the market picked up I could move closer to home and pick up great experience along the way. Needless to say I didn’t get that position, but 6 mths later picked up and moved to Dallas and we couldn’t be happier.
It may help to think of it as a temporary solution to a temporary problem. The job market right now sucks, and in a few years it will pick back up and your husband can start searching closer to where your “home” is. But in the mean time you both can gain valuable experience making you both stronger prospects for when the market picks back up.
Hope This Helps
Post # 11
If he gets the job, I would 100% relocate. I have lived all over the country and I think it is a good experience, whether or not it is always a “perfect” experience. I definitely think it is worth it for a job in your field, if local housing is affordable and the salary is decent- I always look into those comparisons- but if you are coming from Chicago, you should be fine almost anywhere. I would way out what you want out of your life and what is important, but I do think it is worth it and you will learn a lot about yourself. You will learn you will be okay no matter what happens. If living near your family is of utmost importance then maybe it outweighs the job- but I think that kind of life experience is worth it.
Post # 12
Say your husband got a great paying job in the field he wants that also covered relocation costs. Where would that leave you? Would it have to be a good enough job so that you’re not again scraping by on one paycheck? How important is proximity to family to you? To your husband?
That’s only a question you and your husband can answer.
For my husband and I it’s def important to be near family. We both agree we can’t move somewhere where there is no family nearby say like an hours drive max. That’s just not how we want to raise our kids. Family is super important to us. It already drives me crazy I only see mine 2-3 times a year. It took us probably a good 4 years to firmly decide we were going to settle down in our current city where his family is as oppose to where my family is. And many factors came into play. Is it a city we want to raise our kids in? Cost of living vs pay? Proximity to family? How are the schools? The fact that *I* have a really good stable job played largely into us staying in our current city as well. But for us family proximity was numero uno and the only two options were near his or mine.
But I know for many it’s no biggie to be far away from family and self suffice in a new city. Whatever works for you two!
Post # 13
Yeah, my family is like a half an hour away currently, and my husbands is 7 hours drive away. He’s pretty much use to not seeing them all the time, but I’ve never really been in that situation for a long period of time. I’m not so sure my family would come visit frequently if we moved, or really much at all.
They seem to think it’s a bad idea, that relocating would cost to much and we should just look harder to find something here. And my mom keeps pointing out that I may not be able to find anything there and be in the same boat. I really like my current job but it’s not enough for comfortable living.
I’m worried also what my resume would look like… 4 months of nothing and then a job for a month possibly 2 and then nothing again due to relocating. Would that majorly hurt me in this economy?
I guess your right that nothing is permenant, but I guess I just feel upset about things.
Post # 14
Update – My husband just got a job offer in Texas. They’re giving him 2 days to make a decision. 2 days to decide whether we change our entire lives to move across the country in a couple of weeks. I honestly don’t know what to do, Texas is really far from here and I couldn’t see my family anymore. I see them about once a week/once every 2 weeks now (just cause of busy lives and work schedules and living a little ways from home (not actually that far).
I have a job part-time but also run my own part-time mini buisness online (that I just started recently). I get paid really well for a parttime but not exactly enough to live off of entirely on my own. And my buisness is in the very initial stage so I’m still just breaking even off of costs.
My husband got offered a job here, but not enough to live off of for more than a few months.
Then the Texas people called and offered him enough for a reasonable salary for himself.
I’ve been in my job, one that’s in my field and that I love, for a month and a half but had been unemployed prior for 4 months. It would be the perfect mom job for when we have kids, but how can we start planning for a family when my husband doesn’t really make enough to live off of?
I’m so stressed that I feel upset constantly. What do I do? Will I have any luck looking for a new job if I have been unemployed for 4 months, employed for 1.5 months and then looking again due to relocation? I look like an employers worst stability nightmare. What do we do?
I guess I’m not looking for an absolute answer, but I’m freaking out about not knowing what we should do.
Post # 15
Well, you can put things on a scale… will your part time job be more stable than your husband’s work in Texas? I honestly would advise you to relocate. Family is always close no matter how far they are. My sister just moved from CA to NY and she was really sad but we were so happy for her that she forgot about her sadness. There’s skype, phones, chat etc. and besides you will have your husband by your side. I know you will have to give up your job but once one person is stable the other one can hang on. That is what marriage is for! 🙂 good luck
Post # 16
What sort of industry are you in? Is there a market for you in Texas? Is telecommuting an option for your current job?