Post # 1
So, I’ve got an end-of-summer family wedding to attend early this September in Virginia. This is a first for me, for some reason most of my friends and relatives have gotten married in the fall/winter/early spring. It’s outdoor cocktaily style and knowing Virginia it is going to be hot/humid. I would be insane not to wear a sleeveless/strapless dress. The thing is….I don’t shave. Anything. Haven’t since I was eighteen. *cue outrage* My family is aware of this—they’ve seen me in tanktops and things and I’ve never heard anything about it short of, “Oh, so you’re one of those crunchy girls, huh?” from a cousin’s new girlfriend. Normally I wouldn’t think twice about how my personal grooming choices might influence someone else’s wedding as long as I’m adhering to the dress code in every other respect, but I was recently approached by an aunt (bride’s mother) who suggested I “take care of the forest” in advance of the day “so that the pictures come out good”. I was honestly a little shocked, not to mention humiliated (she said this in front of my fiance, who nearly let her have it). On the one hand, I am incensed that she feels she has the right to tell me what to do with my body hair. On the other I’m worried now that everyone feels this way and I am somehow being rude not bending to the pressure (and then I get mad again at myself for letting myself worry about this). So I need some input from anonymous internet strangers: How would you, brides, honestly feel about an attendee rocking a silk cocktail dress with a full pelt of pit hair under each arm at your wedding (providing she didn’t crawl on all fours or throw cake at the guests as well)? Would you even care? I’m wondering if this is the kind of thing that I should ask the bride about directly. This just seems so silly!
Thanks, all 🙂
Post # 2
I think it’s your choice to do what you’d like with your body hair but maybe I might suggest avoiding anything that could draw attention positive or negative, as it could distract from the attention being on the bride. Maybe opt for a capped sleeve or short sleeves so there is no room for debate to even happen?
Edtiing this to respond to comments: I don’t think it’s appropriate for the bride to make such a big ordeal out of someone’s grooming habits- I was just trying to offer the “Switzerland” approach of being neutral altogether to maybe just head any further debates off at the pass?
Post # 3
You do you, lady!
If you were in the wedding (bridesmaid/MOH), I still would say don’t bother but I could picture others coming up to you/being concerned. But just as an attendee….no way. Do what makes YOU comfortable.
PS: Mad props for doing your thing and not bending to society’s expectations to remove hair that naturally grows on us.
Post # 4
Hmm this is a tough one. On one had I adhere to the cultural norms and as much as they are silly… they are pervasive.
I would not personally feel comfortable wearing a pelt of visible pit hair.
I dont think it would bother me if someone at my wedding was unshaven. Especially if this is a family member and its well known that they dont shave and this is their normal presentation.
Post # 5
I’m also like you and I don’t really “take care” of my body hair, unless it’s a special event. I only shave them for special events just because it makes ME feel better. I guess for me it’s like the fact that I only put on makeup during special events. No one can tell me on a daily basis that I should put on makeup, so therefore no one has the right to tell me to shave my body hair. With that said, I think you should shave only if YOU want to. No one else has any right to tell you to remove anything from your body. I mean it’s not like you’re purposefully raise your arms to show your pits in formal photos 🙄
if no one bats an eye to men’s body hair, I believe we deserve the same treatment.
Post # 6
futuremrsl007 : Honestly, nothing’s going to take away attention from the bride and groom. They’re the bride and groom.
OP, I’m sorry that anyone in your family has said anything to you about this. You’re not being rude for not bending to their rules. I have many friends who don’t shave and… that’s it. They don’t shave. There’s really nothing else to say about it. I’d never expect them to shave for my wedding, just like I wouldn’t expect anyone to cover up their tattoos if someone in my family was offended by tattoos. I think you’re right on with “this just seems so silly.” It totally is. I, personally, would not worry about this (if I were in your shoes or if I were the bride in this situation).
Post # 7
- Wedding: April 2019 - USA
ecrisrien : What you do is lift up your arms in the air and wave em like you jus don’t care – in EVERY SINGLE wedding picture you are in.
Screw them, seriously. Wear what you want, girl!
Post # 8
I wish I could do this. I have horrible painful skin and eczema shaving is agonizing at times. So I barely do it tbh.
So I feel like since you haven’t shaved since you were 18, I would not do it. You would have to buy all the stuff beforehand and ugh it’s so damn expensive. And part of me would resist more because someone asked you in a rude way. Now had you asked in general and wanted to yourself is different.
I’m so over this being the way things are for women. I hate shaving.
However since you posted it bothers you a bit, right? What about a shortsleeve dress? That could be a hood compromise if you are bothered.
Post # 9
Post # 10
ecrisrien : I mean, are you going to be raising your arms in all of the photos? Unlikely. I doubt most people would really notice unless you’re making it a point to show off your pits, which would be obnoxious even if they were shaved.
I’d go as you are, your aunt was rude for suggested that.
Post # 11
Just realized I didnt even answer your questions. If it was my wedding I wouldn’t care. Really.
Post # 12
I would not personally care if it were my wedding, but I also believe women have the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies. My personal opinion is that nobody should care. Your natural body won’t “ruin” photos. It’s a ridiculous and offensive request, and you should absolutely not shave for someone else’s wedding if you don’t want to.
However, if you feel that it may cause a lot of trouble (I obviously don’t know your family, only you can really determine this) and it’s not the hill you want to die on, maybe you could wear a draped light shawl or silk/chiffon scarf to diminish pit visibility but still keep cool? Just a suggestion if you’re looking for a compromise.
Post # 13
Do you. I gave a family member who doesn’t shave and I didn’t know (husbands cousins wife and I’ve only met her twice) and she wore a dress that made it obvious and I was like “oh, aight” and then I moved on with my wedding because other people’s body hair isn’t my business. Her outrageous outfit was another thing but even then, not my problem. You do you, and your aunt is a bitch.
Post # 14
I don’t understand. How would your armpit hair be visible in photos? Will you be posing with your arms in the air? You’re not even in the wedding party. Why is this a big deal?
I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask you to shave. It’s not like you’ll be attending topless.
If YOU feel self conscious, then do it. But don’t do it because someone else asked you to. To be honest, if people in your circles think it’s ok to bring it up, they’ll prob do so at the wedding. Incredulous.
Post # 15
Wow, that was supremely rude of your aunt. I can’t remember any formal or even informal wedding photos that featured anyone’s armpits. Is she referring to your legs, too? Really it isn’t any of her business. I probably would have said “Oh, auntie, you know that I am just going to be me.”