This may be the weirdest problem I've ever had…….

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 152
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

 

 

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mel2 :  You say especially if it was a family member so if a friend didn’t wanma shave that wouldn’t be ok? 

Post # 153
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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personaperson :  yup I’m with you 100%. Seriously what kind of person would value someone’s appearance over a friendship or family??

Post # 154
Member
6257 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you were in the bridal party? Maybe (?) I could see it, but Id probably still not care honestly. A GUEST??!! Absolutely do

what you want!!! 

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ecrisrien :  

Post # 155
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

It’s literally just societal bullshit. Most people who are ashamed/disgusted of body hair only feel that way because they are conditioned to by social mores. If no one told the next generation of women that body hair is disgusting, they wouldn’t find it disgusting and wouldn’t police each other about it.

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ecrisrien :  Just do you. I applaud any person who is able to shed social impositions and enjoy their body the way it is naturally.

Post # 156
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I wouldn’t want to see anyone’s armpit hair at my wedding.  Carolina Herrera might never have shaved her pits, but she covered them the same way the men I know cover theirs.  If you never shave, presumably the couple invited you knowing visible armpit hair is just how you roll. 

Your body, your choice. Some people will consider it rude in the same way that many people consider a mini skirt, certain colors, or not adhering to a particular dress code rude. 

You can be you in your own delightful way.  That doesn’t mean others will concur that your pelt is equally delightful. Enjoy the party.

Post # 157
Member
518 posts
Busy bee

I’ll be completely honest although maybe this will be an unpopular opinion.  I 100% would ask you to shave if you were in my wedding party and would be in photos.  Theres men who ask groomsmen to be clean shaven for photos and i would feel similar about my bridesmaids.

Post # 158
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2019

<div style=”font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;”>I didn’t shave for about 8 years so I understand where you are coming from.  </div>
<div style=”font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;”>A friend who hasn’t shaved her legs for years shaved them when she was asked to be a bridesmaid.  She said it was “out of respect.”  I think she chose to do it and wasn’t asked. Not sure why she felt it was the respectful thing to do?</div>
<div style=”font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;”>One of my bridesmaids didn’t shave her pits and I felt it was none of my business that she had a glorious mane of pit hair and I love her as is.</div>
<div style=”font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;”>For me, my biggest concern would be protecting the bride from drama.  Maybe the bride doesn’t care too much about your hair, but if all the aunties are going to cause a big fuss over it and that would make stress for her on her wedding day then I would shave.  It’ll grow back, and if it will help the bride have a less stressful day then it’s not about you conforming to society’s beauty standards; it’s about you doing a favor to ease the bride’s day just like all the other temporary inconveniences we are will to experience to give the bride a happy experience.</div>
<div style=”font-family: -webkit-standard; margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em;”>It can’t hurt to ask the bride her opinion. </div>

Post # 159
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

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coffeecakez :  shouldn’t you be paying attention to your soon-to-be-spouse on your wedding day, and not peering at the underarms of your guests? 

Unless they’re walking around carrying the Stanley Cup over their head, any sane person probably wouldn’t even notice that they don’t shave. 

Stop concerning yourself with other people’s bodies. It’s not your business, and it’s pretty self-important to think that you should get a say in what someone else should do with their own body (especially when the thing you’re demanding of them is purely based on completely fabricated societal expectations). 

Post # 160
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@carowl- Wearing clothes when the temperature doesn’t require it is a fabricated social expectation. Wearing formal attire certainly is. Not wearing white at a wedding is triply so. Clearly, we’re all living in a world where social expectations matter.

Obviously, brides have more important things to worry about than what any particular guest wears or how s/he grooms themselves.  That’s a far cry from someone not being interested in seeing anyone’s underarm hair (or underwear, or bare torso) at a formal event. 

Post # 162
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

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coffeecakez :  none of what you just said justifies the entitlement. Society also used to expect women to cover their ankles and wear boned corsets so tight that they would crack ribs. Times change. You’re (the Royal “you’re”, that is) simply not permitted to dictate to another human being what they are or are not allowed to do with their body. Especially when you want to infringe on said bodily autonomy because you don’t want your pretty party to have what you deem to be blemishes (that no one will even see). Some people dislike forearm hair. Should they be allowed to demand that you wax your arms prior to their event or party? 

There is absolutely nothing rude about having body hair. Hair that we’re supposed to have. Natural hair. The idea that it’s somehow rude to embrace our bodies is disgusting. End of the day. 🤷‍♀️

Post # 163
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee

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coffeecakez : men ‘covering’ their armpit hair at a wedding/formal event is not at all comparable. If a man showed up at a wedding, armpit hair on display, it would be ‘objectionable’ because of what he was wearing – eg, a sleeveless vest or shirt, not because he hadn’t shaved. You wouldn’t say ‘oh cripes, he really should have shaved his pit hair if he was going to wear that’. 

Post # 164
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

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natasha0b :  Theres men who ask groomsmen to be clean shaven for photos

Asking your dearest friend who has a beard to shave, just so that your pictures look pretty, is a total dick move.

Post # 165
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee

You accept me as I am or you don’t. 

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