This may be the weirdest problem I've ever had…….

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
2443 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmm, I say you can do you. It’s well-known amongst your family about your grooming habits so I don’t think you need to change anything. If I were in your position I would just wear a sleeved dress or a lightweight cover up to avoid the issue all together. Take that with a grain of salt though because I am completely uncomfortable with underarm hair. That’s the only area I need to keep up with. 

I think it was out of line for your aunt to approach you. You won’t ruin any pictures and chances are you won’t be in that many to begin with. 

Post # 77
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

While I think its absolutely fine not to shave (really who has time for that, I rarely do lol) I wouldn’t go with it out without shaving and on display for a special event like this honestly (well honestly I wouldn’t go sleeveless/strapless to a wedding at all weather shaved or not, its traditional to show respect by not having your shoulder uncovered – a dying tradition maybe but one I stick with).

you say its hot so you have to dress like that but will the men have their hairy armpits and legs out?

If they are dressed covered and formal then I don’t see why why you cant wear at least a cap sleeve too, if they can all survive the heat im sure you will.

its not about the lifestyle choice but rather the formality of the event and how everyone else is also expected to behave in the same situation (if its super casual and the men are in shorts and tank tops though then rock your hairiness too).

Post # 79
871 posts
Busy bee

As a bride, I wouldn’t care at all who shaves what- I would want my guests to feel comfortable and also to feel welcomed as they are.

What I would care about very much is some judgmental person taking it upon themselves to rudely and insensitively comment on someone else’s personal appearance and tell them how they ‘ought to look’. ffs. 

Post # 80
8504 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ecrisrien :  I didn’t read all the comments, but you do you. They invited YOU to the wedding and they know what you look like. They can’t expect you to change that for their one day. Your aunt’s request is no different than asking someone to dye their hair back to their natural color, take out piercings, or cover up tattoos which would also not be appropriate. So long as guests are dressed appropriately for the event and don’t smell then your personal grooming choices are your own. 

Post # 81
485 posts
Helper bee

sept20 :  If the OP’s armpit hair is long enough by September, she can drape it over her shoulders like a shawl.  Problem solved!

Seriously though, that’s a weird flex.  “It’s a super-formal affair, so don’t forget to depilate!  The bride won’t feel loved unless you look like a freakin’ snail.”

Post # 83
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

If you weren’t in my wedding party, I probably wouldn’t care much at all. If you were, I’d still not make you shave, but I’d have likely requested dresses with some sort of sleeve (mine was a fall wedding, so it would have worked). This would have been requested from everybody, and not just the non-shaver.

The only time it bothers me is when someone else (man or woman) has bushy pits  and they’re right next to me and invading my space and have poor hygiene. It does gross me out if I can smell their BO and even more so if I’m eating. This is not likely an issue with the OP.

Otherwise, it’s really no big deal in my opinion.

Post # 84
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

GOOD GRACIOUS how absolutely ridiculous of her to say that!!! I wouldn’t give a single thought to who has or doesn’t have hair where at my wedding! What a strange thing to care about! PLEASE don’t worry about this.

Post # 85
688 posts
Busy bee

I would:

– find glitter gel in a color I love 

– make sure the pelts were suuuuuper glittery and gorgeous 

– walk over to the aunt, lift my arms and say “I made the forest magical for you!”


I actually would do this. In fact, I am so angry reading what she said to you, I wish I could grow my pit hair and follow her around and do this. 

Post # 86
688 posts
Busy bee

crustyoldbee :  same. If it were my wedding, what I’d be stressed about is protecting my loved ones from judgmental creeps. 

Post # 89
10078 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State


Post # 89
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think any time you buck a social norm, people are going to have snide comments. I say do whatever you feel comfortable with. This wedding is one day out of your life, so I don’t see why you have to make huge changes on something so trivial just to appease a couple of family members. I don’t think the bride and groom will really care if you have armpit hair. I can’t see how that would be taking away from their day. Personally, as a past bride, I would have LOVED it. My sister dyed her hair bubblegum pink a little before the wedding and I was like “Okay, cool” and then our officiant dyed her hair purple and I was like “rock on.” Also, should note: I don’t really shave my armpits unless I’m about to wear a tanktop and even then, I’m sure there have been plenty of times they’ve been a little hairer than people are used to – who cares? No one died. 

Do you think it was just the aunt overstepping her place, or do you think the bride asked her to intervene on her behalf?

However, if it is something that is concerning you: Can you wear a pashmina or some sort of wrap over the dress?

Post # 90
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Could you bedazzle your pits to suit the festive occasion?

Or maybe something more subtle, perhaps sculpting the hair into an ocean scene would be better?

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