Post # 91
See, brides, this is what happens when you don’t give your mothers any jobs. They make some up. (Just kidding.)
I barely have the time and energy to worry about whether or not I have shaved my own body hair, I can’t imagine having so much time on my hands that I was worrying about anyone else’s.
Here’s hoping you receive a reasonable response from the bride and that she’s as horrified by her mother’s rude request as most of us are.
Post # 92
slomotion : I generally reserve that aesthetic for St. Patrick’s Day. They call me Leprechaun Bush 🙂
MrsMeowton : This is what I intend to find out. You never know with my family, everyone tends to bottle everything up inside because confrontation isn’t “nice”. My Aunt was doing the whole, “I just think when you see yourself in those pictures in twenty years you’ll regret it,” passive aggressive thing.
chelbell23 : Super artistic! I would definitely have to keep my arms raised the whole time to get the full effect, though. *sigh* These Instagram trends are never practical longterm….
Post # 93
ecrisrien : No matter what her personal opinion may be, your aunt was rude, inappropriate and out of line. Since she’s the bride’s mother, there’s the chance her daughter feels the same way.
As a PP just said, any time you do something against cultural or regional norms, people will notice, and some may disapprove, hopefully keeping it to themselves. I don’t think the bride will necessarily be honest about her feelings, not if she has any manners, anyway. I would not ask her.
If she says it bothers her, that would be rude. If she says it doesn’t, she may be being polite. What’s the point?
Post # 94
chelbell23 : woah! I love that
Post # 95
Okay, so I had tea with the Bride yesterday, and mentioned light-heartedly that her mom had confronted me about my armpits. We had a good laugh about her nosy mother and our weird family in general, and I was feeling pretty good about everything until I asked her, “Just so I’m clear, you don’t have a problem with it, right?” and she said, “No. I mean, if it were my decision, I’d probably tie you down and epilate that shit, but I like a clean look on everyone. We all know that’s not you, though.”
So that was the end of that, and I’m going to keep the pelts for her big day. I’m just a little stuck on that “tie you down” comment, but otherwise, I guess it’s fine with her (?).
Post # 96
ecrisrien : Yes, it sounds like the bride would like you to shave, but is being light hearted about it, and at the end of the day isn’t going to let it ruin her day!
Post # 97
ecrisrien : Not really. She’d love you to shave, knows it’s not her body or her choice, and couldn’t hold back letting you know her preference. That last part was inappropriate, but now you know.
Post # 98
ecrisrien : To me, that kind of bluntness is much more refreshing than passive-aggressive politeness. Her response told you two things 1) she’s not just being polite. 2) she knows and accepts you for exactly who you are.
Yeah, it could have been more gently worded, but this kinda sounds like something I’d blunder into saying if I were trying to diffuse an uncomfortable situation with humor, AND let someone know I wasn’t aligned with what my parent said. As a loud introvert, I tend to have some shit March out of my mouth that isn’t always pretty 😂😂
i would take her at her word and give her the benefit of the doubt that the “tie you down” bit was just a clumsy attempt at humor.
At least now you can be yourself without having this petty crap messing up what could be a great time!
Post # 99
It’s not fine with her at all, but she knows it’s not her body or choice. And especially after you complained about her mom she’s not going to tell you to get rid of it.
If you wanted her honest opinion you probably shouldn’t have started with complaints about her nosey mom. And if you didn’t want her honest opinion then it sounds like you were trying to stir drama by mentioning it to her.
Everybody acknowledges you have the right to grow out hair. Just like you have the right to not brush your hair. You are an adult and able to choose. Doesn’t mean people want to stare at it at a formal event. And no… we wouldn’t be okay with staring at a guy’s hairy armpits at a formal event either.
If you don’t care about people’s comfort or preferences, that’s fine, but don’t ask then. You seem to just be spoiling for a fight over it.
Post # 100
It clearly ISN’T “fine” with her. She has made it abundantly clear that she wants you to shave, but she knows that she cannot force the issue because it isn’t her body. So she accepts that you aren’t shaving, but she isn’t “fine” with it.
As others have said, I generally don’t like seeing anyone’s body hair, men or women. I don’t want to see a man’s underarm hair, either, but men’s nice or semi-formal clothing prevents that, while women’s doesn’t. But it is none of my business, and I’d never cross a line like the bride’s mother did by confronting someone.
Post # 101
Okay, interesting. To me, “tie you down” is extreme language for something that isn’t an issue. Ironically what she said did strike me as kind of passive aggressive, but maybe you had to be there. And I was not trying to stir up drama by mentioning her mother’s comment—it was on the heels on her mentioning that she is fed up with her mom micro-managing her wedding.
Just for my own peace of mind I’m going to take that original “No” and run with it. She says it doesn’t bother her and it’s not her choice and it isn’t, so there we have it, regardless of whatever addendum she tacks on the end of that statement. Life’s too short to try to interpret what people aren’t saying, even though that’s pretty much how my extended family communicates 🙂
Thanks to you folks for your hilarious suggestions and encouragement! Off to choose a pit-hair color now…..
Quick poll: Sequins or glitter?
Post # 102
I agree that the bride’s comment means she doesn’t like it and would rather not have to look at your armpit hair – at her wedding and probably everywhere else, too – but she knows who you are and accepts it and doesn’t expect you to shave.
Personally, I’d find a dress with short sleeves. Men manage to wear clothes that cover their pits at a wedding even if it’s hot outside; it’s much easier for women who can wear very bare dresses even if they have small sleeves.
Post # 103
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
ecrisrien : I didn’t realize so many people were so offended by the mere appearance of body hair. BO I get, lack of hygiene is gross but not shaving is not a hygiene issue.
To answer your question, I think glitter would be more comfortable as sequins might be scratchy.
ETA: I’m appalled that it’s somehow more acceptable to be extremely rude and judgmental about something that has absolutely no impact on you whatsoever than to have visible body hair.
Post # 104
ecrisrien : I think it looks hideous and vote for a short sleeve dress. Of course you do you….
Post # 105
I agree with PPs that “fine” with it isn’t really accurate, but it won’t ruin her day and she’s not expecting you to shave. Honestly, you obviously are within your rights to make your own choices about your body, but I work in a fairly liberal workplace and the women who don’t shave wear spaghetti straps and other sleeveless outfits in the workplace way more than anyone else. I don’t really know why you wouldn’t consider an off the shoulder or cap/short sleeved style, which also tend to be more formal feeling than spagthetti straps.
I think a good comparison is – I had a black tie optional wedding, and one of my friends texted me a few days before like, “My boyfriend only has a light tan suit, is it ok?” and I said something like, “well, most men will likely be in dark suits and I know many are renting tuxes, but it’s up to you”, which basically means “no it’s not really appropriate, but he won’t be kicked out of the wedding and it won’t ruin my day”, whereas if someone said “Hey can I wear my white ballgown” I’d be like, “Absolutely not” because then it would really bother me and ruin my day.
Basically, does she love it/prefer it? No. But if you show up au natural you woln’t surprise her nor ruin her day. Do whatever you want, but personally, I’d wear a short sleeve style