This may be the weirdest problem I've ever had…….

posted 5 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 121
Member
416 posts
Helper bee

Unless you have pink 10 inch braids under each arm and pose with your hands up in the air, nobody will notice anything. If you really want to play it safe, maybe get a shawl over your shoulders for photos but I don’t think it’s necessary. 

Post # 122
Member
5108 posts
Bee Keeper

Just want to point out that when I was perfectly shaved and used a fragranced deodorant I had more issues with a bad smell than now where I shave less often and use either natural or fragrance free deodorant.  

I have allergies and eczema something about the synthetic fragrances and shaving super often made it an irritated mess. So washing regularly and using a deodorant is the best way to stay smell free.  The hair isn’t as much of an issue. I think it’s people feeling some type of way about women not following the unspoken rules of society that messes with people. 

 

Post # 124
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Well, but…..with all due respect….(and I really do mean that, since I personally am not offended by your choice and I do agree that the aunt bringing it up front of others was inconsiderate), you know that not shaving is contrary to societal norms….this is not a surprise to you. Yet, you choose to do it anyway — again, completely your choice, but most people who choose to go against the grain couldn’t possibly care less about what others think.  I feel like you do, otherwise why you bother to write here asking for opinions?  So….with that being the case and since you insist on wearing a sleeveless dress,  would it really be so difficult to just shave for one day? Is it that big a principle for you??  You know it’s going to grow back, right?  

There’s a difference between respecting another’s choice and giving it a thumbs up.  I absolutely respect your right to choose not to shave but I’m never going to give it a thumbs up because I find it unattractive.  Don’t mean to offend, that’s just my opinion. It happens to be an opinion shared by the masses, since, let’s face it, if it were socially acceptable to not shave, few of us would do it – it’s a giant PITA, but if you’re going to make a conscious choice to do something that you KNOW is going to get the side-eye, then just do it.  Own your choices,,but maybe stop short of looking for validation.  Best to you –  ecrisrien :  

Post # 126
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

Totally get it – good for you! 💛 ecrisrien :  

Post # 127
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

cart :  agree with this. 

Of course op you shouldn’t *have* to shave (I wouldn’t) but you’re here seeking validation (of some sort) and are clearly unwilling to wear a sleeved shirt /dress…. Of course you don’t *have* to do that either but at this point your reluctance appears more attention seeking/trying to make a statement, more than anything else…. 

 

Post # 128
Member
4609 posts
Honey bee

mrstodd2bee :  I have to agree that this feels attention-seeking to me. The problem with that is that the attention it garners is from small-minded people, and really, who wants that? People whose opinions are valuable won’t care. 

Post # 129
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Okay hi, Virginian here who hasn’t read any of the past 9 pages so feel free to ignore me if this has already been addressed: by “end of summer” I’m assuming we’re talking about an early September wedding? While I’m not sure which part of VA you’ll be visiting, the average temp probably won’t vary too much…right now it’s 71° at 2pm (had our first cold front this weekend). My 15 day forecast is predicting mid-low 80’s for the rest of the week, and it’s only going to get cooler from here on (unless there’s an unexpected heatwave, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for Sept). You can probably expect low 80’s with up to 50% humidity for the wedding day, which—coming from someone who hates summer— is pretty comfortable. If it’s in the mountains, you can expect even cooler weather. So I’d suggest just wearing a short sleeved dress…your underarm hair may be on display while you’re dancing, but during pictures and dinner it shouldn’t be noticable while your arms are down, which seems like a fair compromise to me.  

Post # 130
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I cannot fathom having enough empty space in my life/mind to genuinely, legitimately care what a wedding guest does with their body hair. It’s bizarre. And if shaved armpits being visible in a sleeveless dress is wedding-appropriate, then the sudden presence of body hair doesn’t transform that same dress into being inappropriate. It’s just hair. I shave my pits daily and my legs 1-2x a week, but come on, it’s just hair. 

Go and rock it, OP. I live in the south, so I totally understand not wanting to shell out for a sleeved dress that would really only be comfortable for late fall/winter/early spring weddings, especially when the majority of weddings happen May-August. 

Post # 132
Member
7067 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Even my husband closely trims his pit hair, which I am so grateful for. I really don’t like it. That said, I don’t like to shave, so I wax. During the last 2 weeks where it gets a bit more noticeable, I just don’t wear sleeveless tops. I personally don’t understand the push to purposely wear something that shows it off. Wear a sleeved top and move on with your life. 

Post # 133
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

ecrisrien :  yeah sure we get it,  you absolutely *must* wear a sleeveless top because of your severe heat intolerance 🙄

jellybellynelly :  this

Post # 134
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee

mrstodd2bee :  She’s a human being. To tell her she should not be bothered by what other people think of her 100% of the time is unrealistic. Even the most self-assured people can feel self conscious at times. OP- I don’t think you’re looking to drum up attention, I also don’t think you should change what you do/who you are to make other people comfortable. I bet you the majority of people in attendance at the wedding will have no clue that you don’t shave. 

Post # 135
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

mrstodd2bee :  why are you questioning her heat intolerance and desire to wear a sleeveless dress? She’s not obligated to wear a sleeved dress because certain people, such as her aunt or yourself, are slaves to societal norms. 

Shes allowed to be hurt that she was made to feel as though her choice to embrace her body hair makes her “less than”. She’s allowed to share her feelings and seek out comfort from an online community that she feels welcome in. Why is this particular topic screaming “attention seeking behaviour” to you? I’d argue that expecting others to alter their bodies in order to appease your outdated societal expectations is far more attention seeking than what the OP is doing. 

At the end of the day, this is body hair. It can’t hurt you, it won’t ruin any wedding photos, and it probably won’t even be noticed by the vast majority of wedding guests. The issue isn’t the existence of the OP’s hair, the issue is that it’s 2019 and we’re still making women feel gross for having body hair or rolling our eyes at them for declining to remove it when it’s demanded of them. There’s absolutely nothing attention seeking about being yourself and refusing to bend, nor is it attention seeking to feel hurt and sad that you were made to feel inadequate because of your body. 

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