Post # 121
Unless you have pink 10 inch braids under each arm and pose with your hands up in the air, nobody will notice anything. If you really want to play it safe, maybe get a shawl over your shoulders for photos but I don’t think it’s necessary.
Post # 122
Just want to point out that when I was perfectly shaved and used a fragranced deodorant I had more issues with a bad smell than now where I shave less often and use either natural or fragrance free deodorant.
I have allergies and eczema something about the synthetic fragrances and shaving super often made it an irritated mess. So washing regularly and using a deodorant is the best way to stay smell free. The hair isn’t as much of an issue. I think it’s people feeling some type of way about women not following the unspoken rules of society that messes with people.
Post # 123
yogahammy : Whether or not you see the two as versions of the same thing, they feel that way to me. The subtext is, “The way you are is wrong.” It’s not like this is the first time I’ve ever been made to feel that way and usually I try not to let it get to me, but every once in a while I find myself wondering, “Why is the way I feel most like myself seen as disgusting by so many people?”. And I’m sorry, I don’t buy the hygeine argument. I think PPs are right, it’s just something that is outside the norm.
knotyet : I don’t groom my eyebrows, leg or arm hair. Occasionally I run a razor over my upper lip (as in one stroke) to ease the of application of makeup. I trim the hair on my head because that stuff just keeps growing. I am wearing a long dress to this wedding to cover up a knee brace, as I mentioned earlier, the only unshaven part of me that might be visible is the pits.
theweddingunplanner : Exactly. Your arms kind of function as a built-in shield most of the time. I seriously doubt anyone will even see the damn stuff (my aunt will just KNOW it’s there, lying in wait!). Decorum sometimes has more to do with body language than attire or appearance. Just as I wouldn’t sit with my legs wide apart while wearing a mini-skirt, I would not necessarily lean back in my seat at the ceremony with my arms behind my head while wearing a strapless dress.
Post # 124
Well, but…..with all due respect….(and I really do mean that, since I personally am not offended by your choice and I do agree that the aunt bringing it up front of others was inconsiderate), you know that not shaving is contrary to societal norms….this is not a surprise to you. Yet, you choose to do it anyway — again, completely your choice, but most people who choose to go against the grain couldn’t possibly care less about what others think. I feel like you do, otherwise why you bother to write here asking for opinions? So….with that being the case and since you insist on wearing a sleeveless dress, would it really be so difficult to just shave for one day? Is it that big a principle for you?? You know it’s going to grow back, right?
There’s a difference between respecting another’s choice and giving it a thumbs up. I absolutely respect your right to choose not to shave but I’m never going to give it a thumbs up because I find it unattractive. Don’t mean to offend, that’s just my opinion. It happens to be an opinion shared by the masses, since, let’s face it, if it were socially acceptable to not shave, few of us would do it – it’s a giant PITA, but if you’re going to make a conscious choice to do something that you KNOW is going to get the side-eye, then just do it. Own your choices,,but maybe stop short of looking for validation. Best to you – ecrisrien :
Post # 125
cart : I am not in the least offended by your response! In fact, I have to thank you because you made me think. I considered how I would feel if I just bit the bullet and shaved for the day vs. how I would feel if I didn’t but met with a little disapproval here and there. The answer was very clear, although some might find it strange: I would feel kind of awful if I shaved. I would feel like I was acting out of shame. Plus, it takes about three months for it to grow back in and I’m not a fan of stubble. So I’m not going to do it. Period.
Yes, I am aware that we live in a society that does not love this choice. I’m aware that I am always going to run into judgement about it and that I have made a decision to go against the grain. However, I’m just not a person who never cares how I’m being percieved when it arouses negative feelings. I’m hard-wired to wonder what I can do to ease that negativity. This sometimes bumps up against what makes me feel okay about myself, and when that happens it can be painful. It’s not really a “you must validate my choices no matter how outrageous you think they are” thing, it’s more of a “I seem to be hurting you, I don’t mean to be, why is it that you think I am?” thing. When it comes down to it, I guess I will never be concerned enough about it to change it unless I can see how it is actually hurting someone.
I originally posted about this issue on this site because I was concerned about how the bride would feel regarding this choice. I recieved an overwhelming vote of “why is this even a thing?” from posters here, followed up by an actual verbal confirmation of the fact that it wasn’t a thing (regardless of whatever she actually meant but couldn’t bring herself to demand) from the bride herself. Then I fell down the rabbit hole of “why is this even a thing for SOCIETY?”, which I admit was a blunder on my part because we’re never going to solve that problem. But I have really enjoyed reading all of your responses!
Post # 126
Totally get it – good for you! 💛 ecrisrien :
Post # 127
cart : agree with this.
Of course op you shouldn’t *have* to shave (I wouldn’t) but you’re here seeking validation (of some sort) and are clearly unwilling to wear a sleeved shirt /dress…. Of course you don’t *have* to do that either but at this point your reluctance appears more attention seeking/trying to make a statement, more than anything else….
Post # 128
mrstodd2bee : I have to agree that this feels attention-seeking to me. The problem with that is that the attention it garners is from small-minded people, and really, who wants that? People whose opinions are valuable won’t care.
Post # 129
Okay hi, Virginian here who hasn’t read any of the past 9 pages so feel free to ignore me if this has already been addressed: by “end of summer” I’m assuming we’re talking about an early September wedding? While I’m not sure which part of VA you’ll be visiting, the average temp probably won’t vary too much…right now it’s 71° at 2pm (had our first cold front this weekend). My 15 day forecast is predicting mid-low 80’s for the rest of the week, and it’s only going to get cooler from here on (unless there’s an unexpected heatwave, which wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for Sept). You can probably expect low 80’s with up to 50% humidity for the wedding day, which—coming from someone who hates summer— is pretty comfortable. If it’s in the mountains, you can expect even cooler weather. So I’d suggest just wearing a short sleeved dress…your underarm hair may be on display while you’re dancing, but during pictures and dinner it shouldn’t be noticable while your arms are down, which seems like a fair compromise to me.
Post # 130
I cannot fathom having enough empty space in my life/mind to genuinely, legitimately care what a wedding guest does with their body hair. It’s bizarre. And if shaved armpits being visible in a sleeveless dress is wedding-appropriate, then the sudden presence of body hair doesn’t transform that same dress into being inappropriate. It’s just hair. I shave my pits daily and my legs 1-2x a week, but come on, it’s just hair.
Go and rock it, OP. I live in the south, so I totally understand not wanting to shell out for a sleeved dress that would really only be comfortable for late fall/winter/early spring weddings, especially when the majority of weddings happen May-August.
Post # 131
kiram : Hi there! Tidewater area, so a tad more hot and humid than inland and definitely hotter than the mountains (I WISH she had decided to have it in the Shenandoah Valley—that was one of the other options, but she loves the water 🙂 ). I’m a born and raised New Englander, so 80 degrees with 50% humidity is still pretty hot to me. Not that we don’t get that up here—this year especially has been brutal, I actually had to finally buy an air conditioner *gasp*—we just don’t tolerate it well. But I have been watching the forecast like a hawk because obviously if it’s cool enough to wear long sleeves or a wrap I will do that and no one will be the wiser as to my grooming choices.
Lol, I always laugh when my cousins describe 60 degrees as “cold”, and they never fail to tell me I’m crazy when I describe 90 degrees as hell on earth. It’s a little ritual between us.
Post # 132
Even my husband closely trims his pit hair, which I am so grateful for. I really don’t like it. That said, I don’t like to shave, so I wax. During the last 2 weeks where it gets a bit more noticeable, I just don’t wear sleeveless tops. I personally don’t understand the push to purposely wear something that shows it off. Wear a sleeved top and move on with your life.
Post # 133
ecrisrien : yeah sure we get it, you absolutely *must* wear a sleeveless top because of your severe heat intolerance 🙄
jellybellynelly : this
Post # 134
mrstodd2bee : She’s a human being. To tell her she should not be bothered by what other people think of her 100% of the time is unrealistic. Even the most self-assured people can feel self conscious at times. OP- I don’t think you’re looking to drum up attention, I also don’t think you should change what you do/who you are to make other people comfortable. I bet you the majority of people in attendance at the wedding will have no clue that you don’t shave.
Post # 135
mrstodd2bee : why are you questioning her heat intolerance and desire to wear a sleeveless dress? She’s not obligated to wear a sleeved dress because certain people, such as her aunt or yourself, are slaves to societal norms.
Shes allowed to be hurt that she was made to feel as though her choice to embrace her body hair makes her “less than”. She’s allowed to share her feelings and seek out comfort from an online community that she feels welcome in. Why is this particular topic screaming “attention seeking behaviour” to you? I’d argue that expecting others to alter their bodies in order to appease your outdated societal expectations is far more attention seeking than what the OP is doing.
At the end of the day, this is body hair. It can’t hurt you, it won’t ruin any wedding photos, and it probably won’t even be noticed by the vast majority of wedding guests. The issue isn’t the existence of the OP’s hair, the issue is that it’s 2019 and we’re still making women feel gross for having body hair or rolling our eyes at them for declining to remove it when it’s demanded of them. There’s absolutely nothing attention seeking about being yourself and refusing to bend, nor is it attention seeking to feel hurt and sad that you were made to feel inadequate because of your body.