Post # 1
Mother-In-Law made guest list for his side of the family because he’s not all that close with them and was indifferent to whether they were there or not. His family is incredibly large (he literally can’t remember all of their names) so aunts and uncles were invited but all cousins were cut from the guest list. Today we went to a family function (he usually doesn’t attend these things but as a newcomer to the family I wanted to make a good impression) and I officially met his cousins for the first time. They’re great! We’re all around the same age and got along really well. Now I feel terrible that they are not invited and I would really like them to be there. I’d send out additional invitations but here’s the thing…
1) we’re not paying, our parents are
2) he has 21 first cousins
3) many of those cousins are married or are in relationships
4) many of those cousins have children
5) they are all fairly local (within an hour and a half) so it wouldn’t be far fetched to expect them all to come.
I feel like a total ass. They all know about the occassion and that they weren’t invited. Less than a month to go. What should I do?
Post # 3
That’s a really tricky situation – your fiance’s family sounds a lot like mine! I’ve got about 20 cousins on my dad’s side, and most of them have significant others and quite a few of them have children. They’re also really good fun and easy to get along (as are all their partners) so, for me, they had to be invited, because I grew up really close to them all and most of them make up my best friends.
In your case, though, I don’t think you have to invite them. I’m sure many of them understand and would realise that the family is pretty big and, a month out from the wedding, I don’t think you need to send out last-minute invitations.
If you want, perhaps just organise a more laidback party for all the cousins you couldn’t invite – do a big BBQ at your house where you can officially meet them, or go out to dinner at a nice restaurant, whatever works for you guys.
Post # 4
@LadyElva: I think this is a great idea. I think it will also save any hurt feelings in being invited at the last moment or the thought of being on the ‘b list’. Have a more inexpensive party to get to know them and have them over to celebrate your marriage and union to the family!
Post # 5
why not. call them, send invites… tell them what happened.
Post # 6
My SOs family is similar but they are not local at all. I think it’s nice that you want to invite them and I understand why. Unless your Fiance specifically doesn’t get along with them or something, I think you can invite them. I guess you can’t manage the guestlist (meaning invite a few less other people to make space for these) since it’s so close to the wedding.. but if you have some wiggle room maybe just invite them with an “adults only” invitation, saying that due to guest list/space issues you want to be able to acccomodate all the cousins.
I doubt you can literally accommodate 42 more people though so I’m not sure..Maybe you can do a family gathering celebration the day after the wedding like a family bbq or something and just have family only (all of his) and just your parents/siblings.
Post # 7
@Firework: I think having a separate get together would be the best idea. I could have Father-In-Law arrange that, since they are his nieces and nephews, and their children would be invited too (so many cute kids!) There are more cousins on his mother’s side that are married, with children, but they are out of state. My cousins are invited but I only have 2 of them.