(Closed) This might get me in trouble – kids question

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I think you have to have it as a separate insert, although if you have a wedding website you could also put that up there. 

Post # 4
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think it’s a great note.  And myself having a child I wouldn’t be offended by that at all.

Post # 5
793 posts
Busy bee

I would change the line “While for the most part we are not inviting children due to budgetary and space concerns, should your decision. . .” to something more like “Although local parents will not have their children in attendance, should your visit . . .” just to sound a little more formal. That’s just me though!

Post # 6
3260 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think it’s a great note, I would definitely be sure it only gets sent to long distance guests otherwise locals might get offended and bring their children along anyway.

We are doing this same thing, except by word of mouth through our parents because people will ask them or at least say “we can’t come because of the kids” and then they can tell them.

Post # 7
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t make any reference to “budgetary”. This could make them feel badly if they choose to bring their kids.

Post # 8
5229 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Have you considered hiring a babysitter to keep onsite and ordering some pizza and stuff for the kids so that their parents can travel with them and even bring them to the event but then hand them off to the sitter? Then they are there if anything goes wrong.

Post # 9
34 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

HMMMM…. Not really sure how i would address this.  We are having a small wedding so we budgeted for all of the kids.

Post # 10
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

im in the same boat. seriously.

many months ago, when i first saw our guest list from my future monther-in-law, i went “oh…. i thought we weren’t inviting kids”

and she said “well if we don’t invite the kids, the parents wont go”. siiigh (i dont care..)

so we’re inviting out of town children only and leaving it at that.

Post # 11
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you already know your local guests would leave the kids behind, it would probably be better to leave it off the invitation entirely, and just deal with it with the individual families

Post # 12
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Since they are already addressed, I would say a separate insert is needed. Are you having inner envelopes & if so, are they addressed yet? Although the outer one  usually specifies exactly who is invited, you could do it the other way around. Rules are made to be broken! Especially etiquette rules, lol 😉

So you could write something like this on the inner: “Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham and Family”

What you wrote sounds great alhtough I would probably take out “due to budgetary and space concerns” . Most guests are aware of the cost of weddings and I don’t think they need to be reminded of it.

As long as you keep the parts where you acknowledge their unique situation and you let them know how much you want them there, it will get the point accross. The rest of your words do that beautifully. I especially like the part whre you talk about the children’s joy adding to your day, so sweet! Good luck & congrats!

Edit: After reading PP tips, I want to specify that I would only include inserts in invites to the specific Out of Town guests who could potentially be bringing their kids, in case that wasn’t clear.

Post # 13
5592 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If it’s not an issue for most of your guests why not just write

Mr and mrs smith

Jack and Janie

Only on the invites that you feel fall into the category and not draw further attention to it?  Seems like it would be easier to rewrite a couple addresses than create a newinsert. 

Or just I giv e a personal phone call to the handful of people affected and tell them their kids are welcome?

Post # 14
7960 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think the note sounds reasonable.  i would not at all be offended.  i wish i had thought of it.

i am not a big fan of children at weddings but my 2 nieces/goddaughters (ageds 15 & 12) are playing the role of wedding hostesses.  it’s a small wedding but they mean a lot to us so we really wanted to include them.  by inviting them, i had to invite my other niece (age 9) who is a bit of a brat.  and to top it off, my sister and her family live on the east coast, so i invited my adult niece from there, but i felt obligated to invite her son (only 4).  i couldn’t expect her to leave her son but really wasn’t expecting her to travel here for the wedding.  well it turns out my niece can’t make it and i thought, great no 4 yr old.  but my sister is bringing him along with her.  that sucks.  this is not what i was hoping for but can’t renig on an invite.  now i have to figure out how to entertain a 4 yr old.

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