Post # 1
My mother has requested that we allow long distance guests to bring very young children who could not possibly stay home with a babysitter. For instance, I have a cousin in Colorado – she has a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old. If she were to come, and she wants to, she would either have to leave the kids at home with her husband, or find an unknown babysitter out here. I would love for her to come, and truthfully do not mind kids, even babies, at the wedding. There are also 4 other couples, 2 are my friends, 1 is FIs cousin, who would also fall under this rule. To me, the more the merrier – the only reason kids in general aren’t invited are due to budgetary/venue size concerns. Also, anyone who is local with kids have always said that they would prefer to come without kids, to have some “time off”. One local family would be affected by their children in the same age group not being included, but they are the ones who said they would be happy to have no kids for a day. Also, the rule for kids, prior to MOB’s request, was my nephews and nieces only. No one else, period.
How would this note in the invitation be, as a seperate insert? Envelopes have already been addressed, and no inner envelope, so I can’t add there.
A note from the Bride and Groom
We appreciate the time and distance that you would have to travel for our wedding, and realize that young children can make that decision even harder. While for the most part we are not inviting children due to budgetary and space concerns, should your decision be made easier by bringing your young children, then we would love to have their joy added into our day.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think you have to have it as a separate insert, although if you have a wedding website you could also put that up there.
Post # 4
I think it’s a great note. And myself having a child I wouldn’t be offended by that at all.
Post # 5
I would change the line “While for the most part we are not inviting children due to budgetary and space concerns, should your decision. . .” to something more like “Although local parents will not have their children in attendance, should your visit . . .” just to sound a little more formal. That’s just me though!
Post # 6
I think it’s a great note, I would definitely be sure it only gets sent to long distance guests otherwise locals might get offended and bring their children along anyway.
We are doing this same thing, except by word of mouth through our parents because people will ask them or at least say “we can’t come because of the kids” and then they can tell them.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t make any reference to “budgetary”. This could make them feel badly if they choose to bring their kids.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Have you considered hiring a babysitter to keep onsite and ordering some pizza and stuff for the kids so that their parents can travel with them and even bring them to the event but then hand them off to the sitter? Then they are there if anything goes wrong.
Post # 9
HMMMM…. Not really sure how i would address this. We are having a small wedding so we budgeted for all of the kids.
Post # 10
im in the same boat. seriously.
many months ago, when i first saw our guest list from my future monther-in-law, i went “oh…. i thought we weren’t inviting kids”
and she said “well if we don’t invite the kids, the parents wont go”. siiigh (i dont care..)
so we’re inviting out of town children only and leaving it at that.
Post # 11
If you already know your local guests would leave the kids behind, it would probably be better to leave it off the invitation entirely, and just deal with it with the individual families
Post # 12
Since they are already addressed, I would say a separate insert is needed. Are you having inner envelopes & if so, are they addressed yet? Although the outer one usually specifies exactly who is invited, you could do it the other way around. Rules are made to be broken! Especially etiquette rules, lol 😉
So you could write something like this on the inner: “Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham and Family”
What you wrote sounds great alhtough I would probably take out “due to budgetary and space concerns” . Most guests are aware of the cost of weddings and I don’t think they need to be reminded of it.
As long as you keep the parts where you acknowledge their unique situation and you let them know how much you want them there, it will get the point accross. The rest of your words do that beautifully. I especially like the part whre you talk about the children’s joy adding to your day, so sweet! Good luck & congrats!
Edit: After reading PP tips, I want to specify that I would only include inserts in invites to the specific Out of Town guests who could potentially be bringing their kids, in case that wasn’t clear.
Post # 13
If it’s not an issue for most of your guests why not just write
Mr and mrs smith
Jack and Janie
Only on the invites that you feel fall into the category and not draw further attention to it? Seems like it would be easier to rewrite a couple addresses than create a newinsert.
Or just I giv e a personal phone call to the handful of people affected and tell them their kids are welcome?
Post # 14
i think the note sounds reasonable. i would not at all be offended. i wish i had thought of it.
i am not a big fan of children at weddings but my 2 nieces/goddaughters (ageds 15 & 12) are playing the role of wedding hostesses. it’s a small wedding but they mean a lot to us so we really wanted to include them. by inviting them, i had to invite my other niece (age 9) who is a bit of a brat. and to top it off, my sister and her family live on the east coast, so i invited my adult niece from there, but i felt obligated to invite her son (only 4). i couldn’t expect her to leave her son but really wasn’t expecting her to travel here for the wedding. well it turns out my niece can’t make it and i thought, great no 4 yr old. but my sister is bringing him along with her. that sucks. this is not what i was hoping for but can’t renig on an invite. now i have to figure out how to entertain a 4 yr old.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure we would be within etiquette by doing this.
Specifically, it will be a separate insert only in the 5 invitations to families that are out of town with young children. I am printing it on matching paper, so other than specific typesets, it will match up to the invite. But no one else is receiving it. Also, the families who are in this group only have kids in the young group – no splitting groups of siblings.
Here’s a new draft of the wording based on your ideas. Budget and space are no longer mentioned. I guess it really only needs to be brought up in the “why wasn’t my kid invited” situation (fingers crossed I don’t get one of those!)
We appreciate the time and distance that you would have to travel for our wedding, and realize that young children can make that decision even harder. While for the most part we are not inviting children, should your decision be made easier by bringing your young children, then we would love to have their joy added to our day.
Post # 16
@mrsSonthebeach: The reception hall doesn’t have a second room we can use for kids. Good idea though!
@SapphireSun: This is going to be a really crappy cop out, but I don’t have any envelopes left! I need to print the “where is she registered” cards for my bridal shower anyways, and it’s the same paper, so no big deal to add on to the print job at home with 5 more cards. Thankfully it’s something I can print and not have to pay someone else for!
@mypinkshoes: That sounds like a really complex deal – sorry you have to deal with that!