(Closed) This might make me a bad person, but i am so freaking relieved!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 33
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Sea_Ashley:  It’s her brother in law’s brother. 

Post # 34
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Xu:  lmao. I got in trouble for that GIF a few months ago.

Post # 35
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Jellybones:  +1

Well if even if the brother is just going along with it…he is GOING ALONG WITH IT.  So they’re engaged if they’re planning a wedding, you don’t need a ring or elaborate proposal to do that.  Maybe they just discussed it and started planning.

I can understand being a little upset if my Maid/Matron of Honor was hosting my shower and now had to back out because of another event, but there is so much time before June that I’m sure someone else could handle it.

Post # 36
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m a little surprised over all the harsh comments. If you don’t have a ton of vacation days to use, of course it’s going to be difficult to stand up as a Maid/Matron of Honor in two weddings. I totally get that the OP is relieved that her sister doesn’t have to scramble to make both functions work.

Post # 37
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MrsWinTraining2014:  Did I miss something? This post says they aren’t engaged but your last post about this said “i found out last night that my MOH’s husband’s brother asked his girlfriend to  marry him, and they set their date for June.” … so he did ask or didn’t? I know this isn’t a big deal… just confused…

Post # 38
230 posts
Helper bee

@Horseradish:  “Part of being an adult is realizing that you don’t usually get the spotlight all to yourself. You WILL share milestones, accomplishments and celebrations with other people. If you choose to truly share these moments then you will find your happiness. If you choose to constantly be counting who has the bigger share or who is getting some of what you want, then you are never going to be happy. 

The spotlight is always big enough for everyone and small enough so that you’re never the only one in it. Learning to enjoy that graciously is not only a grown-up trait but the way you get the happiness you deserve.”

Yes, this. All of this. OP, read this, and then read it again. And read it some more. You’re acting like a child. Prom? Graduations? Wedding? You realize that MOST people go through these same milestones, right? So you don’t get them to yourself, ever.

Your sister sounds really rude too, to not give her own SIL an answer on being Maid/Matron of Honor.


Post # 39
2890 posts
Sugar bee

I totally understand your point OP, and to some extent pretty much the same has happened to me, that some of my biggest achievements were totally uninteresting to some family and friends as soon as someone got pregnant, and everything revolved around them and nobody cared I was celebrating a milestone in my life. But the truth is, nobody will ever care as much about your wedding and other achievements as yourself. It’s true for all of us. The centerpieces we take 100 hours doing ? Barely noticed, most likely not remembered. The dress we took 5 months to find, that we worried over, cried over ? A few (though sincere) compliments, then people move on the next day. Bottom line, you seem to have high expectations about having all the attention to yourself, but you’re setting yourself for even more disappointment if you don’t get over this constant need of approval. People are not exclusive when it comes to sharing happiness and joy. People can be equally happy for you and for the other couple. Isn’t is wonderful that the human’s heart is so big it can simultaneously love so many people at the same time ? Your guests will be entirely focussed on you for each event leading to your wedding, and wedding day itself. Nobody can take this away from you, not even another wedding. 

What I didn’t like about your posts is that I felt you were belittling other people’s status (the girlfriend or whatever = no, she’s his fiancée) or projects (they don’t know you, they can be madly in love and happily planning their wedding too without overshadowing you) in order to feel better about yourself. Hopefully, I didn’t get this right, and you were just venting and being happy your sister took days off for you, and not celebrating the fact the couple would go through the same disappointment you used to go through.

Post # 40
230 posts
Helper bee

@MrsWinTraining2014:  “but this is my time to shine and being so close to my wedding day, the excitement should be about my day, not the wedding day of a girl who hasnt even been proposed to yet, just because she’s jealous or trying to race me to the altar or some shit, who knows what her problem is.”

If you really believe this, I don’t think you’re anywhere near mature enough to get married. It’s not about YOU anymore.

Post # 41
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Jellybones:  oh! Thank you for pointing that out – I had to go back and re-read the story. So it’s OP’s sister/MOH’s husband’s brother who is getting married to this bride… Okay, well no wonder she has only met her once and didn’t consider the dates a problem. This makes more sense now.

Post # 42
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am certain if you’re planning a wedding to the point of having a date set, you are engaged, proposal/ring or not.  No one “just goes along” with a wedding. If he does, he’s kind of stupid. Marriage isn’t something to be taken so lightly.

But, yay for having your Maid/Matron of Honor all to yourself so no one can steal your super awesomely amazing thunder from down under.

Post # 43
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsWinTraining2014:  you need to let go of the past if you ever want to be happy. I have no idea how old you are, but presumably you are a grown woman. Holding onto resentment about a prom dress is not normal or healthy!

Post # 44
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Xu:  +1

Post # 45
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

OP, you can criticise your BIL’s fiance all you want for planning a wedding without being officially engaged (I genuinely don’t get that because unless she hasn’t told him or is going ahead without listening to any of his objections, they’re engaged– maybe she has just not yet had the unicorns and fireworks over-the-top proposal?), but the rest of your posts and your follow-ups make you seem like you’re making your wedding more about the attention and the “show” than it is about actually starting a marriage. 

Post # 46
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@eocenia:  finally a comment that isn’t ridiculous. Totally agree.

OP, I’m glad she’s able to have time for your wedding & celebrations now! Seriously, people like to act like they’re absolutely perfect on here, don’t worry about it. I don’t think I’d be calling the girl “not engaged” though because to me it seems like they are, whether the fiance is just “going along” with it or not (I’ve witnessed that myself a few times!)

I think you’re being selfish but I also don’t think it matters. Everyone is entitled to being selfish at some point in their lives.

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