(Closed) This morning my husband told me he regrets having our daughter

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
26 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow- idk how to respond. I’m so sorry- that’s a crappy thing to say. You guys need to talk about this more. 

Post # 3
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Wow, im so sorry that he said that to you, im sure he doesnt mean to intentionally crush you but jeeeeesus, that cuts deep.

Did you say anything after he said that? 

Post # 4
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t know what to say. I do not have children, but it cut me deep seeing that. I am so sorry you had to hear that.  What happened afterwards?

Post # 5
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m so sorry! Did he say this out of the blue? Or were you arguing about something? It’s a terrible, terrible thing to say either way.

Post # 6
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wonder if perhaps your husband worries that he won’t be able to parent a daughter well and/or finds it difficult to relate to girls.  Maybe he just really longs to have  son that he can relate to.  Like PP said, talk about it some more. 

Did he ever mention a strong preference for a boy during your pregnancy? 

Post # 7
3816 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow. I’m so sorry 🙁 you must be really hurting. Has be been involved with her? is he treating her differently now?

Post # 8
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB


Post # 9
4815 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Sassy9226:  OMG. He’s crazy.  I would have flipped out on him, simply stating that if he treats our daughter poorly for her gender, he will be out on his a**.  Seriously, if you two want 2 kids, who is to say you won’t have a boy, as well?  How would he feel about two girls if a boy just isn’t in the cards?

Post # 10
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am less shocked that he is saying he regrets having a child. Espeically if you guys are only 3 months in – that’s a hard period with lots of stress and not a lot of sleep. I am shocked he said that he said he regrets her because she’s a girl. Does he think a boy would be any easier? Is he just a chauvinist ass? Does he often spout off reidiculous statements like this?

I don’t really have much info here, so I’d urge some degree of caution. Was he maybe just having a really rough day and was at his whit’s end with crying? If he just said something he didn’t mean in the heat of the moment, then I’d try not to get too freaked out. Being a new parent has got to be hard. But if he really means it, then you guys need to really evaluate your relationship and family. I’m hoping it’s the former and he just made a collosal mistake in expressing his frustration.

Post # 11
5165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

Sassy9226:  Wow. I’m hoping for your daughter’s sake that he just said that because he is stressed and tired from having a 3 month old. Maybe he was just having a “what have I gotten myself into?” moment realizing how much work a little baby is. I think it’s fairly normal for a man to want a son, but not at the expense of his daughter. Maybe he feels like it will be harder to raise a daughter this day and age and that he won’t be able to handle it. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that this is a momentary lapse.

Post # 12
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

when babies are that young.. anyone can have such thoughts of frustration.. its a really hard time for all of you. be patient please it gets better I have 2 kids. I was a single mother age 16 with my first one. I said things like this when I was young..  hes 7 now and the best thing around. now he has a sister who is just over a year. again the first  6 months was stressful  but now its amazing.

please tough it out.

speak with him and ask why he said this. dont get angry with him.

Post # 13
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Sassy9226:  i dont get how 3 months in he thinks a boy would be different from a girl?

they are 3 months old! There is no difference yet! Does he think boys would cry less?

Does he have a sexit attitude towards other things in life?

I am sorry though, that is a tough thing to hear. Maybe some sort of baby blues? guys can get it too. 

Post # 14
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sassy9226:  I think it may warrant further discussion. What is he having issues with? Is it that he doesn’t feel he connects with a girl? Was he wanting just a playmate, and thinks that a baby boy would be able to play earlier than a girl (not true)? 

I think there’s probably something that he’s struggling with in ways to relate. Would he accept that he can play with and parent a girl in much the same way he would play with and parent a boy? Is it gender roles that are ingrained?

I think this is more than just not wanting a girl and instead wanting a dog.

Post # 15
450 posts
Helper bee

I honestly think, no matter his reasons, there is no excuse for saying he regrets having a daughter and wishes she were a boy. Even if he is tired thats not your babies fault! You need to get to the bottom of his comment, I would not be raising my baby with someone who would ever say or think something like that.

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