(Closed) This morning my husband told me he regrets having our daughter

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

You should definitely explain to him that he was the one who made her a daughter…!  The sperm makes the sex of the baby haha

Reality – he needs to say what he really means by that comment because its either PPD or lack of sleep or he’s just an ass!  Either way, needs to be talked about a little further!

Post # 32
Member
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sassy9226:  What he said is out of line, no matter which way you look at it– but WHY does he have such a preference about the sex of your baby at this early stage?  There’s no difference at three months excpet perhaps clothing (and genitalia, of course, but you get what I am trying to say).

I’m so sorry you had to hear him say that– is he stressed at work or something?

I’d end up in trouble if my son’s father (or my husband) ever said that- they’d be slapped in an instant without me even thinking.

Post # 34
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sassy9226:  What a dick. I hope he understands how biology works, because it’s his sperm and chromosome pair that resulted in a girl, not a boy. 

I hope you two can have some productive, on-going conversations before child #2.

Post # 35
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

bitsybee:  I was gonna say just that.  “Tell it to your ballsack!”  

Post # 36
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think a lot of men have a very deep desire for a son.  I was a Navy nurse.  I was in the nursery one night with 2 marines and their babies.  One baby was a girl and one was a boy.  In all seriousness, the marine who got the girl said to the one who got the boy, “I’ll trade you.” 

One day, my (now) husband and I were listening to our two girls fighting (I am not the mother of his daughter and he is not the father of mine…) and he said to me, “You know in medieval times, you and my ex-wife could have been beheaded for having girls.”  Of course, I told him my head was safe; I brought forth a first born son (not that I had anything to do with his gender….)

Anyway, I do think many men strongly, strongly prefer sons for a variety of reasons.  A newborn baby is so hard, and you are sleep deprived and grouchy….I bet he is still feeling some disappointment for not getting the son he so coveted and some total exhaustion from having a new baby.

FWIW, I have known women that have deeply mourned not having daughters.  I think it is totally normal to want a child of your same gender.  You have to learn to accept the disappointment when you don’t get it, but I do know several women who have deeply mourned not getting daughters.

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 37
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

penny29:  +1 

I’m so sorry! Have you visited the What To Expect When You’re Expecting website or app? There are groups there that I feel you’d get tons of support from. You can join the board that is specifically for mama’s with babies born during each month and year so everyone is usually experiencing the same changes with their babies and life. Being a mommy to a newborn can be quite overwhelming for everyone. I definitely recommend seeking the advice and support of moms going through exactly what you are. You’d be surprised how often this happens. Lots of hugs! 

Post # 38
Member
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FWIW, I cried after I found out my son was a boy.  I was sure I was going to have a girl.  Luckily, I got the ultrasound at 20 weeks, and by the time he came, I was thrilled with his perfect little self. 

Post # 39
Member
768 posts
Busy bee

I really don’t have much to say that could be helpful, but wanted to stop by and say I am so sorry you are going through this. That is something very harsh to say no matter how difficult a child may be. 

 

*hugs*

Post # 40
Member
987 posts
Busy bee

I think the PP gave pretty good advice, particularly about the context this comment was made in. Do we have an update yet OP?

Post # 41
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Lack of sleep and stress can make even the strongest person lash out in frustration and say things they don’t truly mean. New parenthood is so hard and can put a lot of strain on people. In cases where there is this stress the grass can seem greener on the other side (son vs daughter preference). it might be helpful to encourage your husband to express how he’s feeling and agree a way to support each other through the difficult times. Also, let him know that saying these things upsets you and that it’s better for him to adMIT that he’s finding it challenging than say these sorts of things out of frustration. I hope this gets resolved for you and your family.

Post # 44
Member
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Sassy9226:  Wow. I am so sorry. I cannot imagine hearing my Darling Husband say something like that to me and then casually walk off. I would absolutely talk with him about it as soon as possible. I would try-and this would be incredibly hard-to have as calm of a discussion as I could. Ask him why he said that comment and if he really, truly regrets having your daughter. If so, are you prepared to ask him to see someone and see if there is something (perhaps PPD) going on? Do you trust him around your daughter after him saying this? Once again, I’m so sorry. I wish I could offer more than just this and some questions, but I really don’t, and wouldn’t if I were you, know what to do at first.

Post # 45
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

This wouldn’t fly with me.  No.  Nope.

Tell him you already have a dog – him.

The guy doesn’t even help you with her unless he’s asked?  Come on.

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