(Closed) This situation with MOB is eating me alive! Please Help!!!!!!!!!!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8175 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

wow. so sorry you are dealing with this.  my mom called me a bridezilla, which i am not.  i looked up the definaition of momzilla and sent it to her saying does this person sound familiar.  my mom has backed off since.

don’t listen to your other family members.  you need to have an open and honest private discussion with your mother. 

do it in person with no one else around.  don’t blame her and make her become defensive.  just talk.

Post # 4
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sounds crazy, I’d like to know both sides so won’t pass judgement on either. However I’d advise that You can politely tell them that that situation is not condusive to your well being nor your husband’s well being. That if they want to act like children then you will not talk to them, when they want to have a discussion as an adult you’d be open to that. I’d honestly cut them off. you don’t deserve to be treated that way.


Post # 5
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ok, my first piece of advice is that you need to stop engaging in these little exchanges with your mother.  Be the bigger person, because right now you are stooping to her level and it is making you look bad.

For example, if your mother brings up the family vacation again simply say:

“I am so sad I missed it!  I would have loved to come but unfortunately it was too last minute.  I hope I can be there next time.”

If she is forwarding messages to the rest of your family, your emails should just be really nice mature responses.

Honestly, your mom sounds like a crazy person but don’t let her get you down.

Post # 6
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, if you don’t go at Thanksgiving and Christmas you’ll be talked about behind your back. From the sounds of things though, you’ll get talked about behind your back even if you DO go, so really, why bother?

Being family only gets you so far. Being family does not give someone the right to abuse you. What your mother, step-aunt (and maybe others) are doing is abusive, and you have every right to remove yourself from the situation.

You and your DH are a family now, so it’s time to start holiday traditions of your own. Personally I suggest “Gossip-Free Holidays” as your first one. Do your own thing for the holidays, or spend them with DH’s family. I’m sorry that you’re going through all this, and I’m sure you must be really hurting because she is your mother – but being your mother doesn’t give her the right to behave this way toward you, or frankly to be in your life at all.

From our own life situations: FH does not speak to his father, nor will his father be attending our wedding – we didn’t invite him. People have made comments like, “Oh, but he’s your father, you’ll look back and regret not inviting him…” but really, no. Once people have hurt you too much, you stop regretting not having them around.

OP, if you’ve truly done nothing to be in the wrong here, then wash these people from your life and start over with your head up. The more you respond, the more you are giving them to work with. Let them speak behind your back (they’re going to anyway); you don’t have to be there in person.

Post # 7
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@chercee:  Being family does not give someone the right to abuse you. What your mother, step-aunt (and maybe others) are doing is abusive, and you have every right to remove yourself from the situation.

You and your DH are a family now, so it’s time to start holiday traditions of your own.


Post # 9
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you do still want a realtionship with your mom, then I would stop texting/emailing and try to speak with her in person. How far away does she live from you? 

It really sounds like the two of you need a weekend away together to re-group, hash it out, and move on w/o any outside influences. Would this be possible for the two of you to do something like this? Or at the very least, be able to sit down together for several hours alone? 

Post # 10
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Is there any chance of going to a family counsellor? 

Post # 13
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@RedRose1979:  How small are they? If they’re teenagers, could you still communicate with them by text/cell/email? I know it’s not ideal, but at least then you wouldn’t be cut out of their lives.

Otherwise, I guess you could stop by for a brief Tgiving/Xmas, with the understanding that if/when the attacks begin, you will leave. Your siblings will likely see what’s happening, and hopefully they will realize you’re not to blame.

Post # 14
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Did you post this twice? I feel like I just read this?

Post # 16
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Yup. I would cut them off. Or if there is anyone worth keeping in your life in your family, try to maintain contact with them, but do NOT let them pull you into any drama with the shit-stirrers. Fully severing yourself from your whole family with a clean break might be the easiest and surest way to have peace though. You and DH are a family now, and you do not need people in your life being cruel to you, lying about you, gossiping about you. If they refuse to believe you, there’s nothing you can do but accept that you are going to be treated like this for the foreseeable future. You wouldn’t welcome strangers into your life if they treated you so poorly; why let people who are supposed to love you and care about you treat you like this? Set a hard boundary and do not contact, imo.

Also, lol @ your step-aunt and her horrible card. What a beeyotch. I would have wanted to take a mocking photo of myself wearing the tiara and waving and emailed it to her. But the best response probably would have been none at all. Oh well.

Sorry your family is being so awful. 🙁

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