- Mrs. Mary Jane
- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I didn’t know whether I should post this in etiquette, or emotion.
It’s an old article – but it still holds true in some ways.I thought I’d share it with ya’ll, and some of my thoughts before and since reading it.
The quandary couples face is "how to balance telling people, ‘Oh, please come again, please come to our wedding,’ with, ‘We know you just came to one, but this time we mean it,’ "
"Families do get worn out, continuing to go through the drill," Nettleton concedes. "My dad gave me away the first time. I didn’t think he should keep giving me away like I was some kind of returned sweater."
"Before her wedding on June 2, Arlene Romero heard talk filtered through her fiancé, Peter Sarni, that even though this was her first time behind a cathedral veil, it was his second time around, so she shouldn’t expect too much from her registries at Macy’s and Bed Bath & Beyond."
Even though The Knot and other web sites say that the second wedding can/should be better/bigger/fancier than the first, I’m still not sure that I feel the vibe. I have a small family, widespread around the country (no one lives within 2000 miles of me and none of them live close to each other). While they’re a close-knit family, they’re also a family who all traveled thousands of miles to be at my first wedding, which was a destination affair and was only 3 years ago (I was not married for long. ).
The man has a pretty big family, and i’m sure they (and mine) would be happy to come to our wedding. But neither of us is sure we even want it. I feel embarassed to ask my family to come (they’d be obligated), and neither of us likes being the center of attention, anyway.
Articles like the one above – which bring what might be the true feelings of some of the guests from my side of the family forward – really help to reinforce the idea that we should just get married quietly, at the courthouse, by ourselves, and be done with it.
I should be feeling defeat right now, but I might actually be feeling some relief. I’m a crazy-planner and I know I could and would pull of an awesomely detailed, perfect wedding, if I wanted to. I definitely know that this relationship, this lifetime partnership, is THE ONE and is every bit more important than ‘the past.’. Miss Cheese has been great inspiration for me – I love her posts. But I bounce back and forth between "OMG I want to do this, and I want to write for weddingbee, and I want this dress and those invites blah blah blah.." and "let’s just get married already. That’s all I want." I always thought courthouse weddings were romantic, because they’re so TRUE. Two people, joined in marriage. That’s IT. No fuss, no fanciness, just love and marriage.
Because he’s a first born and I’m an only… we’re actually thinking of asking the families what they want. Several of our close relatives (including both sets of parents) were married in courthouse settings, and they’re happy with their choice. Finding out what they want for us and for their own memories will help us to determine whether all this fuss is necessary and warranted. If it’s not, we might be perfectly happy to wake up one morning and take a romantic little trip downtown together.