(Closed) This time last year…my ex husband left.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

I was with my ex-bf for 3 years. He was emotionally and occasionally physicially abusive to me. I moved in with him when his roomate up and left without paying rent/bills, to help him financially. I never wanted to move in with him, but he made me feel like I didn’t have a choice (stupid, I know). I was 100% supportive when he decided he wanted to be a cop. He didn’t make much money while in the academy, so I was supporting much of the household. When he had appendicitis, I stayed with him and took care of him around the clock.

He was jealous and always tried to dissuade me from seeing my friends. Anytime I visited family members or friends, he would be texting me constantly accusing me of cheating on him.

When I got laid off from my job, I had a really hard time finding work and was unemployed for maybe 6 months. Any money that he earned was “his money” and he said he could spend it anyway he pleased and I had no say. He was spending his money on comic books and frivolous things, meanwhile we had no food in the house and the rent was always 2 weeks late. Yet, when it was me supporting the house, I wasn’t allowed to treat myself to anything because we had to pay bills.

I finally found a job, and one day leaving the house for work, I tripped and fell down the stairs, breaking my ankle. I screamed for help for 20 minutes before crawling up the stairs. Instead of asking if I was okay, he immediately started yelling at me.

It wasn’t long after this, maybe a few weeks, when he broke up with me via text message, and kicked me out of our apt. He told me that he didnt want to take care of me and I was just a burden to him. After all I had done for him over the years, nothing was good enough. I had no where to go, a broken ankle and on crutches and minimal funds.

I decided to move in with my sister, who lived here in Florida, until I could get back on my feet (literally and figuratively). I went back to school, learned to drive, I got a job I really enjoy, I bought my own car and met my now Fiance.

 We live together now in a beautiful home that is OURS. He is wonderful and sweet, he is financially responsible, dependable, a gentleman (he still opens door for me!) treats me like a queen, he cooks and always has dinner ready for me when I get home, and he is even paying for most of the wedding, because he wants it to be the wedding of my dreams.

My ex had tried several times after I moved away to get me back, saying he made a mistake. He only wanted me back because I was successful now and had a career, a car and a home. His entire family and all his friends alienated him because they found out how horribly he treated me. He even started stalking me via phone and email. I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him. I told him that I hope he is miserable for a long time, because then he will know how I suffered his abuse.

But, I will say this…if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have been forced to move away and start over. Now I have the greatest life I could ask for. For that, I thank him. But I still hope he stays miserable 🙂

 

I am happy for you and that you have a wonderful man in your life! Anyone that has suffered a bad relationship deserved to knw what a good one feels like! Congrats to you!!!

Post # 18
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

My advice would be, get a bottle of champagne and celebrate!

🙂

I’m glad things are working out so well for you now! I agree with PPs who said living well is the best revenge.

Post # 19
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Your story is amazing. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of it to get where you are now, but I am so happy for you that you got there.

My story is very different from yours, as I have never been in a situation like that. However, I can say that some parts of it align with yours in terms of the players involved and the timing. Though I have never been married before, my fiancé has. Twice. He was married to his second wife for about seven years and they were separated for the last 18 months of it. I met him before his divorce was final but at no point was he misleading about where things stood. 

His ex was horrible to him. She was demanding and insecure, wanting to know at every moment where he was and telling him outright that he couldn’t spend time with his friends. He constantly had to ask permission to do anything. She was never supportive of any of his projects or goals and said whatever was necessary to break his spirit and make him think he wasn’t worth any of his dreams. Finally, they went to counselling, both together and separately. Eventually they both had the courage to say that they wanted out. With therapy, they were able to better communicate and develop a civil, sometimes pleasant relationship for their son’s sake. 

When I came into the picture, I was as different as could be from both of his exes, but especially his second. He tells me all the time how much he appreciates my support and understanding and that he loves how we are always happy in each other’s company. I could go on and on gushing about this man, and talking about all of the wonderful things he says I’ve done and continue to do and be for him, but let me just summarize by saying that we were made for each other. I never thought I’d say that about anybody, but (to sound oh-so cliched) he changed everything. 

He proposed to me before his divorce was final. We had been talking about marriage for a while and sending pictures of what we’d never want in our wedding and one morning he woke up and decided to go ring shopping. He proposed that night. 

Anyway, the point of this post is that there is never a too fast or a wrong time when the stars align. They did for us. And they clearly did for you and I am so happy for you. I never knew that I had these feelings inside of me and I am incredibly lucky to have found out, which I never would have done if I had allowed myself to listen to people who questioned the steps we took to get where we are.

Post # 20
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

As long as you are happy that is all that matters!

I met my FH exactly 1 week after I found out that my boyfriend had someone pregnant. That was 6 years ago and we are getting married next year. I don’t think there should be a time on matter of the heart. Go Girl!!!

Post # 21
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Spinder:  I started dating my now fiance about a month and a half after I split with my husband….the split was very sudden too, I found out he was cheating….a LOT…actually I found out because one of his girlfriends (his old babysitter, 20 years older than him…)was pregnant 

Yes people were shocked, any my family was less than supportive. My exhusband was my 1st boyfriend. My fiance was my 2nd. Yeah I know, what are the chances that the 1st guy you date is THE ONE. But we were friends for years–and once you’ve been in a terrible relationship you know how to appreciate a great one

Post # 22
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

So great that things turned out well for you! I was married before and we have been divorced now for over 7 years. I usually notice when our anniversary would have been and pause to reflect on where I used to be and the perfect place I am in now with my Fiance and our son. I think reflection is never a bad thing. It reminds us of our blessings and (hopefully) keeps us from making the same mistakes.

Post # 23
Member
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is very common with anyone that has been through any abusive marriage. I was together with my ex for 17+ years but I knew at the 15 year mark that it was over…it just took me that long to work things out and get out safely with my sanity intact. I went through that ‘greiving’ process while still with him so that made it easier to move on. It was two years before I started dating but that was just because I was busy with my kids and being ‘me’ finally!

Post # 25
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Spinder:  As long as you’re happy, that is all that should matter 🙂

 

It annoys me when people are so negative about things that make others happy!

Post # 26
Member
5427 posts
Bee Keeper

I love reading stories like yours, it helps a lot of people who goes through hellish relationships to realize that there are people out there who want to love good people! Men or women alike…

Post # 27
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Can’t say any better than all the wonderful answers and support you (rightly) received! Wishing you joy and happyness in your life!!

Post # 28
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Congratulations. I’m so impressed at your resiliency and your ability to see things and act upon them so positively. Thanks for sharing your story. 

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