This turned into a crap show… I'm at the end of my rope!!!

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

File for divorce, yesterday. None of these are small issues and you’re beyond counseling, not that I think for a second this loser man child you married would take counseling seriously. You have partial blame in this. You saw plenty, and I mean a crap ton, of warning signs before marrying this jerk and went through with it anyway. But we’ve all made mistakes and this is one of yours. Would you rather keep making the same mistakes and continue wasting years with this person or cut ties and be happy? Your choice.

Post # 3
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Tough situation, bee. Sorry you’re going through this.

You can only do so much. Relationships are a two-way street, and he’s not willing to make a permanent change. He will never stop texting those girls if he hasn’t already. He won’t suddenly quit smoking after the 100th argument. He isn’t willing to compromise on what’s vital for your marriage, and you can’t make him.

As scary as it is, it sounds like you know the right thing to do. You’ve given your marriage everything and now it’s time to take care of yourself.

Post # 4
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I am sorry but your marriage is completely over. You need to let it go…

 

Your marital issues are deep rooted and will not be solved, even with counseling. You will find the right person for you. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not embarrassing being divorced at your age (or any age), what is embarrassing is being with someone you consider a failure. Everyone will know your marriage is failing, you are miserable, and people will rather wonder why your self esteem is so low that you put up with this. I’m not saying to care what other people think, but if you are embarrassed to go through this process because of how it will appear to others, it will appear BETTER to divorce than go through this. Wishing you the best.

 

ETA: Don’t meet with pastors if you think they might try to convince you two to work things out. Religion is invested in keeping marriages together for arbitrary reasons, sometimes even when the life of a partner is in danger due to abuse etc. It is no longer their business. You can kindly tell them that you have decided privately to divorce and would not need any more sessions with them.

Post # 5
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

Divorce him! He is doing you zero good. You said yourself you were so young when you married him and it sounds like you’ve matured into an adult whereas he’s stuck in his ways and won’t change. He never will; the best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. And I’m sorry, but he really is not an admirable husband in any way… he lies, cheats, has anger issues, and is lazy – what.a.catch. You are still young and can start over with a new and better life. Honestly, divorce him! It will be difficult in the beginning but truly worth it in the end. 

Post # 6
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. But at the same time, you sound like you’re a responsible, driven person, and you are going to be just fine. It’s scary to let go of something that’s made up such a big part of your life, but you will look back and be so glad you left. Please don’t waste any more time and energy on this guy. Get out now and don’t look back. Imagine what you could accomplish if you didn’t have this asshole draining all of your emotional energy! Twenty-four is so young; you have so much time to build a beautiful life with someone who deserves you. 

Post # 7
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

ministaci :  Ever heard the saying “I can do bad all by myself?” It means that in a relationship, partners work together so you both can be elevated. If having a partner makes you worse off than not having one…then, there’s no need for that partner.

Your husband is a burden, dead weight. And a poor excuse for a partner or man. Shake this weight off of your life, and I promise – you’ll soar higher than you ever would with him attached to you.

Find yourself a lawyer and protect yourself (shouldn’t be hard since everything is legally in your name). And then divorce him.

Post # 8
Member
5688 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think you know that your only real option is divorce. Your husband will not change. There is honestly no more point to counseling. It’s just delaying the inevitable. Your husband doesn’t deserve you and it sounds like he never has. 

You say you’re worried about being divorced at 24…imagine waiting even longer to pull the trigger. Then you’ll just be divorced later (because this will not get any better). That means several more unhappy, miserable years resulting in the same exact outcome. You’re still so young. You still have a chance for a happy life. Divorce and start over. There’s still plenty of time. 

Post # 9
Member
718 posts
Busy bee

ministaci :  I’m christian too. Kick him out. He’s not repenting nor performing his duties as the head of the family. Your pastor would understand. N I’m not worried you’d be homeless or helpless since everything is under ur name. Collect evidence of his fair share of cheating then you probably won’t need to pay him any alimony. Talk to a lawyer before you kick him out though without letting him know.

Post # 10
Member
403 posts
Helper bee

You are so young! Get out now, he doesn’t want to be with you hence why he jumped at the chance to leave.  He is probably out pursuing other women already. What an ass. He is not what a husband should be and while divorce is hard you have a good head on your shoulders and will be more than fine. Divorce is sometimes the best option. I’m sorry bee that you have put so much time and effort into someone who doesn’t deserve you but think of it as a learning experience. Now you know what to look for and what you will and won’t tolerate. 

Post # 11
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry bee.  In My Humble Opinion, he has been cheating on you in every sense of the word.  When two people really want to make a marriage work, they do what they can to actually make it work.  That means actions need to follow words.  Based on what you’re saying, he has no intention of changing and seriously wants you to stick around and llive with it.    At this point, its not about what he’s going to do….you’ve seen evidence that he’s doing what he wants regardless of the effects on his marriage.  The real question is what are YOU ready to do???

Like I always say….when people are sick and tired of being sick and tired then change happens.  The fact that you’re on this board asking for advice and we are having to tell you to leave, tells me that you’re not at that point yet.  Let us know when you are and we’ll support you.  

Post # 12
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

ministaci :  move on. It’s being made easy for you. Don’t fight for something so broken. You also forgot the biggest red flag… he pursued you when you were 16 and he was 22. While a 6 year age gap normally doesn’t matter these life stages are so wildly different. It looks like he groomed you. He’s used you. Run. Fast. Now. He’s a parasite. 

Post # 13
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

You do not deserve to be cheated on and lied to and basically used as a meal ticket.

You have done your best and you should now walk away – you cant fix this broken man or this broken marriage. 

And if you dont leave – for God’s sake dont bring children into this mess.

Post # 14
Member
7752 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

ministaci :  

There is absolutely nothing here worth trying to salvage.  Nothing.  Counseling won’t change who and what your husband is at his very core—a lying, cheating deadbeat.

Better to be divorced at 24 than at 32.

I’d be far more afraid of staying than leaving if I were you.  Take it from a Bee who has been on the planet a very long time—life is short.  This is not how you want to throw yours away.

Post # 15
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

ministaci :  I know it’s impossible to see but if you dump his useless, unworthy ass then you have the rest of your life ahead of you. 24 is a drop in the bucket and at some point you will have had ENOUGH. So much better at 24 then 54, but it MUST come sometime. You sound highly intelligent and your analysis is spot on. He’s never going to change. He is a drug addict with untreated mental illness and no ambition, and what’s worse, he doesn’t give one single fuck about you. Not one. He pacifies you so he can keep you as a sugar mama. Go with your gut and free yourself girl.

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