- 11 years ago
Finally I come out of lurking mode and decide to start posting! I love that I came across this board, reading some of these posts has really helped me get through some tough spots.
Some background: I’m 25, will have been with my boyfriend for 4 years next month (can’t believe how quick it’s gone by!). We’ve been living together for just over 2 years. He’s awesome, and aside from him not being ready at the moment, we don’t have any major issues in the relationship. Any we have had to date, we’ve worked through well.
I was thinking we’d be engaged sometime this year, married maybe next year or the year after. For the longest time, he would just say he wasn’t ready yet and that would be the end of that. He would get very upset. The last conversation we had on the subject (just over a month ago or so), he was very calm and said he was thinking we’d get married in another 2-3 years. Of course, with me thinking an engagement would be coming shortly, I wasn’t too happy and cried. And cried some more. I even told him I was thinking we’d get engaged sometime this year. Mind you, even though I was upset, I was still super happy he was actually able to give some sort of idea this time…every other talk he couldn’t do that. So I love that he was in a place to do that now. I do think he realized how upset I was though, because at one point when he was hugging me as I cried, I said we’d be okay, I’d get over being upset and he said “obviously you’re worried we won’t be okay, because you’re crying” then he himself got emotional, but then he smiled and was like “hey at least we both agree on the 2 years!” Which I hadn’t realized until then. So maaaaybe he could push his timeframe up a bit to match the 2 year… *wishful thinking* haha
Now, he can be kinda confusing in a cute way and I think it’s adding to my impatience lol. I’ll give some examples. Last month, a couple weeks after this talk, we went to dinner with his family. He’s the youngest of his siblings, none of whom are engaged or married yet. It’s funny, because for some reason, I just imagined that his mom didn’t want him getting married for a really, really long time. Well. Before we had dinner, she was telling us stories from when she was younger and what not. She spoke of her relationship with my boyfriend’s father (they’ve been married 30+ years), and said something along the lines of fearing she was a bad mother because none of her kids were married yet! I smiled, patted my boyfriend’s knee and told her I was working on it haha. We all had a good laugh and she said good. Fast forward to that night, boyfriend and I are on our way home. I turned to him and mentioned how it surprised me, what his mom had said. I thought she would’ve referred to his older siblings alone, but she implied him as well…. which I was secretly LOVING for sure. Next I said “you know, I was only kidding about the ‘working on it’ thing” then he’s like “but why?! Keep working on it!” (whaaaaat?!) So then I got cheeky and was like “oh no, I don’t have to work on anything, you’re the one who has to work on it! I’m not asking myself!” and he was like “okay, okay” and then we went quiet.
It’s just little comments he’ll make, you know? Like that for example. He had JUST told me he wanted to wait 2-3 more years! Not months, but years! If he wanted to wait that long, why on earth would he be telling me to keep working on it NOW? lol it makes no sense! Anyway. So then, a couple weeks ago, we were talking about his shoes or something. He asked me if it was true that girls really care about guys shoes. I was like “I can’t speak for other women, but I don’t really care at all… you could wear clown shoes and it wouldn’t matter to me, I’d just laugh at you” and then he was like “Clown shoes, eh? Alright, that’s noted….wedding day it is, I’ll show up in clown shoes” and he smirked. I was like “Okay, that’s like the one and only time I’d care about your shoes” haha
So then I was being a sap and looking at rings online. Oye, I’m so bad for that. Anyway, so I found this super pretty one that I want, and casually told him about it. He told me to email it to him so he had it. My fingers are crossed that’s a good sign haha.
I think the hardest part of this whole process for me is, when I start to get down about it. Not that I’m comparing our relationship to those of our friends, but it’s really hard when I want us to move forward so badly, and literally ALL of my friends are now either engaged, married, or married with kids. I’ve had 2 of my best friends get married this summer, within a month of each other, and another best friend got engaged ON one of those wedding days! And the thing that sucks is whenever I’m the one to bring something up (like the ring), I always make myself feel worse about the whole thing. Because as soon as whatever it is leaves my mouth, I automatically think “if he wanted to talk about this with you, he would bring it up” which just makes me feel really sad. And it doesn’t help that I don’t really have anyone to talk about it (I apologize, that’s one of the reasons this post is so long). I’ve felt like I haven’t been able to talk to my best friend about it since the day she got engaged, and now she’s busy with her baby. My mom (and my best friend) just say the same thing “it will happen, he loves you.” Which I understand, but it’s still hard. I’m thinking of embarking on Mr. Bee’s plan, but it’s kinda hard because the boyfriend and I work opposite schedules as it is, so the time I do get off with him, I want to spend with him, not out and about with other people. But maybe that would help, if I’m not always free on those days. 😉
Phew. Felt good to get all of that out. Again I apologize that it was so long, I’ve been holding all of that inside. And I’ve felt really down the last few days, it’s been on my mind too much. What do you guys do to keep your mind off it all? I keep staring at the ring I want hahaha it’s not helping at all! 🙂
Thank you so much to whoever made it through this entire post. I really appreciate it.