(Closed) This woman is driving me crazy.

• HeyKaraoke
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: September 2013

Not exactly looking for advice, just need to vent because, like the title says, this woman is driving me CRAZY. Her husband is very close to my Fiance, they have been friends for several years, so it’s only natural that her husband is going to be a groomsman. Now she is trying to push her way into being a bridesmaid, and neither Fiance nor I want her to be. Fiance doesn’t like her, and neither do I, but we have to put up with her because she’s his friend’s wife. I have tried not hanging out with her or talking to her, but she just cries to her husband that she feels ignored/shunned, which has caused fights between him and my Fiance, so I have just decided to suck it up and hang out with her to keep the drama to a minimum. Now this is coming back to bite me in the ass.

When Fiance and I got engaged, she just assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid. She started talking to me about how excited she was to meet the rest of my bridesmaids and go shopping for her dress. I had to (gently) explain to her that we hadn’t made any concrete bridal party decisions yet, but I was planning to keep it small and just have my sisters as BMs. That upset her, but she let it go and dropped the topic for several months. Then, just recently, I decided to also ask my best friend from junior high and my best friend from college to be bridesmaids, as well. So now she’s upset and back to complaining.

She had called me several times asking when we were going shopping for my dress, getting more and more impatient with each call, so I finally invited her along on my first appointment. She criticized the silhouette I love (trumpet/mermaid) and kept trying to shove me into a ballgown, even though I hate them (but it’s what she wished she had worn for her wedding). She made several snarky remarks about how she was “good enough to go wedding dress shopping but not good enough to be a bridesmaid.” Just a general bad attitude about the whole thing. After that debacle, I haven’t invited her to another appointment, and now I’ve been getting complaints about that, too.

She has offered to help me out in numerous aspects of planning, but I have never taken her up on her offers because I don’t want a repeat of “I’m good enough to do (insert wedding-related thing here) but not good enough to be a bridesmaid.” So now I’m hearing about THAT, as well.

Recently, we were all out at the bar with a big group of friends and she asked, “Have you figured out your bridal party yet? I need to know so I can start trying to find a dress.” She already knows it’s just my sisters and my two friends. And if I haven’t even found the dress yet, exactly how does she expect to find it? What criteria would she be using to shop, if I, THE BRIDE, haven’t made any decisions yet?

And now the latest issue is that she wants to throw a bachelorette weekend get-together for me. Wants to make the reservations and organize it and pay for it and host it at a very nice spa/hotel a few hours away. I do not want her to do this. I feel like this is something the bridal party does for the bride and it would be rude of me to let her do this when she is not in the wedding party and I don’t truly consider her a friend. However, when I tried to decline, she got upset (of course). My Fiance says this is just another attempt to weasel her way into the bridal party. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know I don’t want to take advantage of her, and at the same time I am sick of hearing her complain at me because I won’t let her do it.

I feel like no matter what, I just can’t win with this woman. End rant. UGH.

(For anyone wondering why I don’t like her, it’s kind of a long story but I will sum it up like this: she’s horrifically racist towards black people and is constantly making awful comments even though she knows my niece is half-black. She is extremely hypocritical, constantly criticizing and judging people for things that she herself does on a daily basis. And finally, on multiple occasions she has voiced very inappropriate/possessive thoughts about my Fiance to my face. As in, “I’d hit that if I weren’t married to his best friend” and “If you piss me off I will tell (FI) to break up with you and he will do it because I’m his best girl friend and he trusts my opinion more than anyone else’s.” Vulgar AND delusional. Just wow.)

• HeyKaraoke
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: September 2013

Thanks for the sympathy, bees. I have tried everything with this woman. When she makes her racist statements I say right to her face, “You’re being awful.” And she just laughs. And there was a time where I told her straight out that I didn’t like her. I actually posted a thread related to that here.

Basically, she started spreading rumors that I was only dating Fiance for his money (he is NOT well off, btw) and because I wanted someone to support my kid (whose father is very supportive and present in her life, may I add) and that I didn’t “let” Fiance hang out with his friends or have a social life because I wanted to control everything he did.

We didn’t even know she was doing this behind our backs until her husband pulled Fiance aside at work one day to ask if he was truly happy with our relationship. Fiance asked why and his friend told him all the things his wife had been telling their mutual friends. Understandably, Fiance was furious and so was I. I had a very long argument with her and made it very clear that I did not like her and wanted nothing to do with her.

Fiance and his friend continued to spend time together, but since she’s a steamroller and her husband is her personal doormat, he always allowed her to tag along, and I ended up home alone. Fiance started keeping his visits to a minimum because of this, but he didn’t want to cut his friend off completely because, you know, they’re friends. Eventually, in the interest of supporting FI’s friendship and gaining back part of my social life, I just said fuck it and started hanging out around her again.

So, because I’ve been pleasant and civil for the past year, she’s somehow got it into her head that I’m her “bestie.” Yes, she’s actually said that to me. And I want, so badly, to be able to say, “Look, I still don’t like you,” but I’ve been there, done that, and all it does is ensure lots of trouble for her husband and my Fiance. Like I said, she drives me crazy. The woman has no concept of backing down. You can walk right up to her face and tell her exactly what you think of her, and she’ll either laugh you off or throw a tantrum at her husband, and he is so ill-equipped to handle her that it would be laughable if it weren’t so damn frustrating.

My Fiance has tried talking to her, as well, because she seems more receptive to constructive criticism when it comes from him, but she honestly just laughs everything off or claims she was just kidding around, etc. She takes no one else’s feelings into consideration, yet expects everyone to tiptoe around hers. She’s maddening. Ugh!