- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Not exactly looking for advice, just need to vent because, like the title says, this woman is driving me CRAZY. Her husband is very close to my FI, they have been friends for several years, so it’s only natural that her husband is going to be a groomsman. Now she is trying to push her way into being a bridesmaid, and neither FI nor I want her to be. FI doesn’t like her, and neither do I, but we have to put up with her because she’s his friend’s wife. I have tried not hanging out with her or talking to her, but she just cries to her husband that she feels ignored/shunned, which has caused fights between him and my FI, so I have just decided to suck it up and hang out with her to keep the drama to a minimum. Now this is coming back to bite me in the ass.
When FI and I got engaged, she just assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid. She started talking to me about how excited she was to meet the rest of my bridesmaids and go shopping for her dress. I had to (gently) explain to her that we hadn’t made any concrete bridal party decisions yet, but I was planning to keep it small and just have my sisters as BMs. That upset her, but she let it go and dropped the topic for several months. Then, just recently, I decided to also ask my best friend from junior high and my best friend from college to be bridesmaids, as well. So now she’s upset and back to complaining.
She had called me several times asking when we were going shopping for my dress, getting more and more impatient with each call, so I finally invited her along on my first appointment. She criticized the silhouette I love (trumpet/mermaid) and kept trying to shove me into a ballgown, even though I hate them (but it’s what she wished she had worn for her wedding). She made several snarky remarks about how she was “good enough to go wedding dress shopping but not good enough to be a bridesmaid.” Just a general bad attitude about the whole thing. After that debacle, I haven’t invited her to another appointment, and now I’ve been getting complaints about that, too.
She has offered to help me out in numerous aspects of planning, but I have never taken her up on her offers because I don’t want a repeat of “I’m good enough to do (insert wedding-related thing here) but not good enough to be a bridesmaid.” So now I’m hearing about THAT, as well.
Recently, we were all out at the bar with a big group of friends and she asked, “Have you figured out your bridal party yet? I need to know so I can start trying to find a dress.” She already knows it’s just my sisters and my two friends. And if I haven’t even found the dress yet, exactly how does she expect to find it? What criteria would she be using to shop, if I, THE BRIDE, haven’t made any decisions yet?
And now the latest issue is that she wants to throw a bachelorette weekend get-together for me. Wants to make the reservations and organize it and pay for it and host it at a very nice spa/hotel a few hours away. I do not want her to do this. I feel like this is something the bridal party does for the bride and it would be rude of me to let her do this when she is not in the wedding party and I don’t truly consider her a friend. However, when I tried to decline, she got upset (of course). My FI says this is just another attempt to weasel her way into the bridal party. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know I don’t want to take advantage of her, and at the same time I am sick of hearing her complain at me because I won’t let her do it.
I feel like no matter what, I just can’t win with this woman. End rant. UGH.
(For anyone wondering why I don’t like her, it’s kind of a long story but I will sum it up like this: she’s horrifically racist towards black people and is constantly making awful comments even though she knows my niece is half-black. She is extremely hypocritical, constantly criticizing and judging people for things that she herself does on a daily basis. And finally, on multiple occasions she has voiced very inappropriate/possessive thoughts about my FI to my face. As in, “I’d hit that if I weren’t married to his best friend” and “If you piss me off I will tell (FI) to break up with you and he will do it because I’m his best girl friend and he trusts my opinion more than anyone else’s.” Vulgar AND delusional. Just wow.)