(Closed) Those in LDRs… help!

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The best advice I have is to keep busy.  You are in school so just try to really concentrate on getting your school work done and having that keep you busy.  Also, setting times where the two of you can talk so that you know when it will be and you aren’t thinking about it constantly.  When you are first seperated it’s the worst, but as time goes on it becomes more tolerable.  And I’m sure by the time you can tolerate it, you two will be together again!

By The Way, there is a long-distance board where you can find a bunch of posts about being in an LDR.

Post # 5
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s true, keeping busy helps! Also, I found that you can handle more than you think you can, and usually it is really not as bad as you anticipate it being. Sure, there are some days that you really miss him, but on the whole it’s not that bad. 4 months will fly by!

For the record, my background is that my fiance and I dated last two years of high school, went off to college in separate states, and I also studied abroad last year, so we went four and then five months without seeing each other. Set aside time to talk but yes, keep busy and do things for you. I think you’ll find some of the benefits rewarding, like the communication in general. And yes, you might have to say good-bye, but saying hello again is so great!

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Keep in touch! You should both get Skype, and use it regularly. That way you can see each others’ faces. πŸ™‚ Also, call, text or email throughout the day. It really does help.

I don’t know how far away your college is (are you international?) but if you can swing a weekend visit at least once during that four months, it’ll really help. Even though the weekend is short, it gives you something to look forward to and hang onto.

Don’t be afraid to get old fashioned – think of this as your one opportunity to send your loved one mail. πŸ™‚ I love writing J letters when we’re apart (and I send the very occassional small care package type thing), but it would NEVER occur to me to write him a real life love letter if we were together (er, when we’re together).

Also, I second (third?) the suggestion to keep busy – and take some time for YOU! Remember everything you loved about being single? Other than the flirting aspects, you get a lot of that back now that you’re LD. Yay! I take way better care of myself when J and I aren’t together; my feet haven’t been pumiced and my eyebrows only get plucked every other day in the last 2 weeks that we’ve been together. And I’ve barely touched that half-finished novel I stuck in my carryon suitcase. πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I totally agree with daydreamwander skype has definitely been a good connecting tool between my Fiance and I. I took a job in SE Ohio and he still lives in Houston. We also try to alternate visits and meet each other for work trips too when possible. Also, keeping busy helps a ton. I know that it is not the ideal situation, but you can definitely keep the romance going. Good luck!!

Post # 9
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

we did long distance for a year – it was hard to be apart, but we learned how to be independent and still appreciate each other.  We saw each other every 3-4 weeks and talked every day, usually a few times a day.  I won’t say it wasn’t hard, but we definitely got through it, and were so much more appreciative of the time we got to spend together.  Use this time to find new things that interest you – art projects, sports, anything, it can be a great experience – good luck!

Post # 10
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I second the SKYPE advice.  It’s way fun.  Spice it up a bit, too… use webcams or cameras to go on “photo scavenger hunts” – My Fiance and I themed a few of those one day.  For example, he said “Okay, now… hats.”  And we went and found hats of all sorts and took a few pictures to exchange.

It can be really fun, and a fantastic way to work on communication… you’ll find that your emails/letters get longer as the time apart grows, but that’s part of the fun and sweetness.

Honestly, it’s hard.  I know.  But it can be a ton of fun, too!

Post # 11
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

OMG, I love the scavenger hunt idea. I must see if my Fiance will do that πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

(I felt like a cheeseball the whole time, but the “food” theme was actually pretty dang fun.)

Grin!

Post # 13
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with above, skype is the best thing for LDRs.  Make sure you make time to talk every day and look at each other.  The best part is when you both finish recounting your day – my Fiance and I always end up talking about things we’re seen online, sharing links, sometimes even watching tv at the same time.  It’s like you’re hanging out, just in different places. πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

LDRs are extremely challenging. You have to touch base with each other pretty often just to make sure that the communication between the two of you doesn’t begin to slack. Also, make it a priority to visit each other consistently. And, both of you should be putting in the same amount of effort, because then you may build resentment.

I know this from experience. When my Fiance first began dating, it was a LDR. I lived in NYC and he lived in upstate New York. It’s a 3 hour commute (not including getting ready!), even though we lived in the same state.

In order to see him, I wouldn’t sleep on wednesday nights so I can catch the 7:05 train at Penn Station to head to Middletown, NY on Thursday morning. Let me tell you… it was a trek.

I had to take a 30 minute train ride from my apartment in Queens to get to Penn Station, take a 10 minute train ride from Penn Station to NJ, wait 30 minutes for my train to come and then spend 1 hour and 30 minutes on the final train. Then, when I arrived at the train stop, we’d have to drive 30 minutes to his house.

 

We’d spend all of Thursday and Friday together and leaving each other would be hell. But, we made it work for a whole year with that strenuous routine. Now, we have a house together in Upstate, New York. But, the moral of the story was that it’s important for both of you to put in the same amount of effort and not get lazy. I resented the hell out of him because he would never come see me in NYC. That did put a strain on our relationship, but because I’m the dominant personality in the relationship, we pushed through it.

 

 

*** FYI: I’m a freelance writer, that’s how I was able to get all of that time off from work during the week. I do indeed have a job Cool***

 

 

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If it’s within driving distance, won’t you just drive home on the weekend?

Cuz if so, that’s awesome! You’ll be so busy during the week teaching all day then spending hours preparing for the next day/grading papers, etc, you won’t even have TIME to think about missing him! you’ll be exhausted and busy.

It took me like a month to completely adjust to an LDR in which I didn’t get to see him AT ALL for months at a time. After a month you just settle into a routine. You plan around the times you know you’ll see him. I’d schedule hair appointments on those weekends or pen in gym time or errands. Really, whatever I wanted to do or whatever I felt like doing, I JUST DID.

I promise if you sit around and feel sorry for yourself and go “oh i miss him! i miss him so much!” all the time it makes it SO much longer. Distracting yourself is key, seriously! Stay busy and keep your mind going on other stuff and 4 months will be over before you know it.

Post # 16
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

The biggest advice I’d give is communicate! I talk to my bf everyday. Granted, most days it’s not a super long conversation, but we talk long enough to check in and say “I love you”.

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