Post # 1
Recently, SO and I came to a final conclusion on our timeline(s). We would both ideally like to be married in 2018 and would like at least 1 year to plan. Although I’m still confused about his reluctance to give a proposal timeline (because, in my opinion, I can just do the math), I feel really good about this and feel like I can finally relax knowing we are actively working toward a shared goal.
However, I’m curious — on these boards we see a lot of Bees who have:
a) Been given a proposal timeline to which their SO did or did not stick to or
b) No timeline at all as their SO wanted everything to be a total surprise
I think it’s slightly different, though, when you’ve agreed on a timeframe to get married but not engaged (but maybe I’m wrong), and I’ve never personally heard of anyone having done this. So, did any of you have a wedding timeline? If so, did it work out as planned?
Post # 2
Hi there. My Fiance and I had done similar – we’d spoken about roughly when we wanted to get married and he knew we’d need about a year to plan but he was the same – wouldn’t give anything away about proposal timing! At the time it used to annoy me (I’m a very impatient person!) but I understand his opinion – he wanted it to be a surprise and he wanted to do it his way, which I completely respect.
If I was to give any advice, try to relax and take comfort from the fact that you guys are on the same page. I completely know how tough it is to wait but I promise it’s worth it to have him surprise you! Good luck
Post # 3
Sounds like he wants the proposal to be a surprise! I had a proposal timeline with my fiance, but it was more like he kept asking if we could get engaged yet and I told him he had to wait 1yr to a year and a half of dating at least. He propsed at 14 months in Nov 2016. I thought that we would wait until Summer 2018, but he and my family convinced me that was crazy long to wait and we’re getting married this August. I now realize that isn’t true haha, but they helped out so much it’s worked out fine.
I think it’s actually a better idea to have the actual wedding timeline than the proposal timeline though! then you can work backwards from there sort of. Are you concerned that he isn’t going to actually follow through? Has he given you reason to think that? Your post makes it sound like he was reluctant to set the timeline.
I really would just rest easy knowing that you’re on the same page though. But do start at least researching vendors a year out from the wedding. I knew absolutely NOTHING about weddings when we got engaged so it was a bit of a stressful scramble figuring everything out so quickly from scratch.
Post # 4
We had an idea of when we wanted to get married but never talked about it like a timeline. I always said before I turn 30 and I’d like a year to plan. The proposal was a huge shock because I thought it was still a year away
Post # 5
Did you discuss what time of the year you want to get married next year? If he knew you wanted a summer wedding and to propose by this summer to give you guys that year to plan, that’d make me feel a lot better than a general 2018 wedding timeline.
Post # 6
wolfeyes : I think he was initially reluctant to give me a timeline because he was so dead set on everything being a surprise. If he’d had it completely his way, I wouldn’t know anything. That didn’t go over too well with me though so I asked for him to give me something.
I guess I find having a timeline reassuring and worrying at the same time. I know we are on the same page, but a timeline isn’t a promise, just a goal that can be met or changed. He’s never given me a reason to not trust him though and he’d never be the guy to lead me on. We even agreed that if things needed adjusted we’d be having a discussion about it. I guess it just comes down to my own occasional anxieties that I need to work through. It helps getting others’ perspectives and experiences though.
Post # 7
happyandhealthy19 : He hasn’t decided what time of year he’d most like to get married, but I’ve thrown out fall/early winter…pretty much October – December. This is why I thought it was strange for him to say 2018 but refuse to give a proposal timeline. If he agrees he wants a year to plan, and I’ve said I would like a wedding in that time frame, I can just do the math and work backwards. It’s not a secret.
Post # 8
Yeah, I hear you, it’s not a surprise that it’ll happen between now (mid-Feb) and end of this year. But maybe he thinks that’s a pretty big range and he prefers to have these next 9 months to surprise you. It’s not the case that he has to propose exactly a year ahead of time. Maybe he’lll do it earlier (which would be a surprise, as he wants). Either way, sounds like your proposal timelime right now is now till end of year according to the conversation you had with him. If you want the option of a fall wedding, maybe share that with him and that’d move up the timeline by a few months if he’s on the same page.
Post # 9
Hey, its good to have a timeline. Mine can’t give a timeline, he just says it will happen “when he feels ready”. Whatever that elusive feeling means. He says he needs to get used to the idea of living with someone else (he has been living alone 10 years). I was going crazy and asked him “where do you see us this time next year?”and he said “most likely engaged, but no guarantees”. We are both getting older, so we don’t really have any real reasons to wait and we have been dating over two years. I have my internal walk date set. I’m terrified to waste the latter part of my twenties without a firm commitment. I need more than “I”m getting there”. Sorry, rant over lol.
Post # 10
We’ve agreed to a 2018 wedding. And agreed it’ll be winter (southern hemisphere) and that I’d like a year or more to plan.
He also said it would be in the first quarter of this year for a proposal, although that’s gone out the window, he’s still promising that hell stick to that wedding timeline, but we’ll see I guess.
Post # 11
npoliver : No, I feel you. I have anxiety issues myself and love a good timeline so I understand where it comes from. It seems though that you’re on the same page and he just wants to keep a bit of sponteneity. I feel like having to propose at a specific time would take a bit of the joy out of it and make it more stressful almost. If you have a general time you want to get married, and he knows you want a year to plan – you basically do have a proposal timeline. Try to just enjoy this time in between and the excitement of the build up.
Post # 12
npoliver : We booked a venue already, which I guess = wedding timeline? I know that the ring is being made as we speak, but we have very busy seasonal family/work schedules and our dream venue books waaaaaaaaaay out. So we signed the contract for May 5, 2018! But we didn’t decide to do that until we had gone shopping, chosen and purchased (vs. just pointing out what I like and waiting for him to decide he was ready) a ring, and decided that we will be engaged by mid-April. The only people who know about the venue/date are our immediate families, who had to be consulted about dates, so as not to spoil the engagement surprise.
But sort of had an engagement timeline before that. We had decided that sometime this year would be good, but last Thanksgiving he told me that he was ready to get engaged and asked if I wanted to help pick the ring. We did that in early January, and the making process takes about 4-6 weeks.
My birthday is next week and we have some sort of dinner planned, which might be an option for a proposal, but he has also been super cagey about what we’re doing this weekend when I tried to RSVP for a party on Saturday and he told me not to.
Post # 13
lexipediabride : I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but you know you’re already engaged, right? You have a wedding date set.
Post # 14
fredthebasil : Haha, it’s ok – I’ve had this conversation with many (online, not IRL) people. This is true, at least I know it is, but SO isn’t ready to “celebrate” it/make it public until he actually proposes. He also really wanted this venue/date, but he didn’t want to lose his chance at a romantic proposal experience because of logistics. He was actually very worried about this, and I figured that humouring him on it is totally fine. So I suggested that we make it “official” with a ring and tell everyone then. I don’t think that he would feel properly engaged without the whole down on one knee part, and I’m fine with that.
So, for the purposes of his tender manly feelings, we don’t consider ourselves engaged or tell anyone yet – silly, but I feel like it’s sweet that he cares so much.
Post # 15
Dear Lord one timeline in place and you want ANOTHER ONE?
If he’s so crazy about surprises, don’t tell him when you get pregnant and spring it on him when you go into labor.
OK, now seriously- you are overthinking and it may be increasing your anxiety.
The SURPRISE Element? Possibly not a bad servant but a TERRIBLE master. It’s good to have a childlike character in some of your relationship, but when it’s FORCED, as it sounds like it may be in your life, it can be a menace and a nuisance. Grown ups will use surprise in fun, but not with gritted teeth determination.
You sound as though you’re definitely on your way, so be sure to ENJOY EVERY SECOND of what’re you and your Intended do here on out!