Those that ttc for over a year..

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I told my mum about 6 months after we started fertility treatments, however my mum never asked us this question. 

TBH If I was in your shoes, I would be direct with your mum while also setting the boundary that this is something that’s strictly personal between you and your SO. Unless your SO was fine with it, I wouldn’t get into the fact that it’s not happening since then you’re just inviting discussion about what your next steps are. I’d say “we’re working on it but this is something that’s personal between SO and I. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t keep asking me about this as I find it intrusive”. 

Post # 3
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I started answering the plain truth after the 8th month or so. I kind of felt a relief to be honest.  I just say something like ”  I wish” or ” is not that easy for everyone ” 

Post # 4
2112 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My sister knew when we started going to see the RE (9 months in to TTC). I told my dad a few weeks ago because we are gearing up to start IVF (after multiple rounds of failed IUI and been seeing the RE for 9 months). Neither my mother or my mother in law know and I don’t intend to discuss it with them.  When asked about whether we’re “trying” I flat out lied and feel zero guilt about that. I would not feel pressured to tell your mother just because she is asking the questio, I would just tell her that you aren’t answering that question anymore and please stop asking.  Sometimes its worse to tell people you are having trouble. Everyone loves to tell you to just relax, that they knew someone once who had to try to eight months (insert eye roll here), that it will happen as soon as you stop trying, etc. I have been fairly open in our  to infertility journey with close friends and family but only those that i know would not dare utter any of the above to me. 

Post # 5
883 posts
Busy bee

I told my mom much sooner but I would say around the 6 month mark I started to open up about it. I wasn’t getting my period so it was pretty obvious we would need help conceiving. So I just told everyone. It was honestly liberating and I would do it again over and over. People stopped bugging us immediately after and now just ask for status updates on how I’m doing 🙂

Post # 6
9223 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i told my mom when we went for our consult with the RE at 7 months. and i kept her updated.

but my mom would constantly ask if i was pregnant, even at times in the cycle when i told her it would be impossible.  so i had to tell her to stop asking, it was hurtful, and i would tell her when there was something to tell.

2 years, 7 treatments cycles (iui and ivf), and we have our now 18m old son.

then we tried for 6 months, hoping for a miracle but being realistic and did an FET when DS turned 1.  we are expecting #2 in december.  we didn’t tell anyone we were doing treatment beforehand.  so we were able to suprise family members with the news.  i did share with my IVF friends because they were my support system during that time.


also, after my son was born, i told my husband i didn’t want to be ashamed of IVF.  it wasn’t going to shout from the rooftops, but if it came up, i wasn’t going to be quiet, especially if people said insensitive things.  i wanted to use my experience to educate those who ask a lot of insensitive questions.

Post # 8
1819 posts
Buzzing bee

Dr_dazzle :  Dr_dazzle :  Darling Husband told his parents around  8 months but it was so his mom would stop asking. I told my sister around the same time for the same reason. We are on 19 months of TTC. We have recently undergone IVF and transfer is next tuesday. They know we are going through IVF. His parents have been good with not asking questions but my sister asks and doesn’t understand why I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t think people understand what you go through when you’re face with infertility. Have you gone to a fertility clinic?

Post # 9
674 posts
Busy bee

Dr_dazzle :  I told my mom sometime after I started seeing my OB for testing (around 8 months). It was hard at first because she didn’t really get it. She said I should just foster/adopt. Luckily over the past 6-7 months she’s come around and is much more supportive now. I’ve opened up to more and more people recently and it’s honestly a relief.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to open up or not. Definitely do whatever you’re most comfortable with! Is telling your mom but asking her not to tell anyone an option? Or will she not listen? 

Post # 12
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Dr_dazzle :  My mom knew as soon as we started infertility treatments. She isn’t the type to ask a bunch of intrusive questions though. We didn’t tell my husband’s family because they’re the opposite. We already had one son, and when he was about 2 they started saying stuff to him about why we hadn’t given our son a sibling yet. They never said anything to me though. But even he got annoyed and eventually told them we were going to have to do IVF for a second child. After that it was even more annoying though. My Mother-In-Law asked constantly if we were pregnant, even if, just like ajillity81 :  above, it was impossible. She’d ask right after a transfer, etc. And then she kept making jokes about how we were going to have 6 kids. I hated it. Eventually we told her that we’d tell her when we had news.

So, I really think it depends on what type of family you’re dealing with. Maybe if you tell your mom you’ll share when you have news too, she’ll back off.

FWIW I’m sorry it’s been a long journey for you as well. FX you get good news soon !

Post # 13
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall

I think we told our parents around the 10 month mark and then started being open about it with everyone around the 12 month mark. It was honestly a relief to just tell people what was going on.

Post # 14
7077 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’d been actively TTC over a year when we finally got pregnant, just dodging the questions with answers like “eventually” or “when we have time”. In reality I just didn’t want people to know we were TTC because it’s bad enough having them ask when we’ll have kids, I didn’t want them watching me like a hawk for a bump or pregnancy symptoms.

No one in our family knew we were TTC until after our first ended as an Ectopic. Darling Husband filled everyone in, and honestly seeing how much they *backed the heck off* I almost wish we’d told them sooner. Once we were in the clear to start trying again we actually still didn’t tell anyone. It was just too painful/frustraiting. We had another loss, and now I’m finally 12w and we’re planning to tell family next week. Prior to this pregnancy I had just started researching fertility treatments, and I think if we’d ended up going that route we would have told family pretty early because we more than likely would have done it internationally.

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